


Beholder

by sandymg



Series: Beholder [1]
Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Community: rpf_big_bang, Hurt/Comfort, J-Squared, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-10
Updated: 2011-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-24 11:30:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 79,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/262980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandymg/pseuds/sandymg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong></strong><br/><i>Seeing is not the same as believing.</i><br/>Jared was passionate about the work he did with the animal shelter. Between that and living with Sandy, life was satisfactory. Until the cold night that the filthy, homeless man hidden in an oversized hoodie was dumped at the shelter and Jared couldn't just turn him out. Even if the man roared and called himself 'Beast.' Because under the hood, Jared was sure he caught a glimpse of a prince in those green eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beholder

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is fiction. No harm intended. No profit made.  
> Warning note: There is a nonexplicit reference to probable non-con in a main character's past.
> 
> [ **Spanish Translation of Beholder stories**](http://z13.invisionfree.com/Supernatural_Foro/index.php?showtopic=4438&st=0) by Alfer

**Chapter 1**

Two adoptions meant today was a pretty darn good day. Jared sat at his small desk, legs out to the side because they didn't fit properly underneath – collateral damage of being six-foot-four and change. The remaining paperwork would take a half hour or so to complete. He yawned, rubbed his eyes, and went back to working at the aging CRT monitor. The room was lit by the florescent overhead but the small table lamp provided necessary light for the task at hand. Yep, thirty more minutes and he could lock up, head for home, and maybe catch a little TV before sinking into his warm, cozy bed.

Jared ran a hand through his hair (in need of a haircut as always) and had just taken a slow swallow of the still-hot coffee from the ancient, yet amazingly still functional Mr. Coffee machine when a loud thud made him jump. _What the …?_ He raced toward the back door where he heard voices and _growling_. Someone must be bringing in a stray. Sounded pretty vicious from the sound of it.

His thick gloves were in the exam room but there wasn't time to grab them as he heard the shouting get louder. He pulled open the door expecting to be faced with snarling fur. There was snarling all right. Only not so much fur. Two men were holding onto a third – a figure hunched and struggling between them, enveloped in a too-big, filthy, hooded jacket. His face was obscured by the hood. The rest was covered by what looked like years of dirt and grime. Clearly this was a homeless person. _But why?_ Surely these men didn't think this was a _homeless_ shelter.

He started to quickly explain. "Hey. Fellas. This isn't that kind of shelter. It's an anim—"

The taller of the two holding onto the growling, squirming man gave a shrug. Both had tawny skin and were of a nondescript nationality. The shorter one blurted, "Shelter." He had some sort of accent that Jared couldn't place.

"No. Yes, we're a shelter. But for animals." The men stared at him with puzzled gazes. Shit, maybe they didn't understand English. "Dogs and cats. Not people. Not _him_ ," Jared gestured wildly.

The taller of the two let go of the writhing homeless man. He slumped and seemed to fold even deeper into himself. The snarling grew lower. Christ, he really did sound like an animal.

"Shelter," the shorter man repeated, pointing to the building. He looked over the homeless guy's head to his companion. Some silent communication must have passed because he also let go of the man's arm.

"Beast," the larger man said with a look of disgust. He kicked the defenseless man in the leg with his booted foot. The homeless man whimpered and stumbled against the brick wall.

Jared jumped. "Hey! Don't …" But his objection was too late because the two men were walking away. Jared stood stock still. He was glad they were going because he didn't want them hurting this man anymore. But … they were _leaving_ him here. He sucked in air.

The homeless man was pressed up against the wall on the side of the building. He'd shrunk himself into a half crouch that resembled nothing so much as a cornered animal. Jared approached slowly and stooped to make himself less threatening. "Hey," he said softly. "I'm Jared. What's your name?"

The man pressed tighter to the wall and snarled.

This was going well, Jared thought on a sigh. God, they'd called him a beast. How did someone get in this condition? Jared wondered how long this person had been living on the streets? How he'd ended up with the two men who dumped him here? And most of all, what the hell was Jared going to do with him?

He tried again.

"Um. Are you hungry? I've got coffee inside and … candy." He felt like an idiot. But that was all he _had_ inside. Aside from dog treats and cat nip. A flare of anger coursed his blood again at the way the bigger man had kicked this poor soul. No living creature deserved to be treated that way.

"Grrr."

Jared didn't know if this was a sign of hunger or not. Straightening while trying to still minimize his height, he put his hand out really slowly. "Come inside. Please. At least it'll be warmer."

The night held a chill and the wind was picking up. it would be getting colder soon. He needed to get to his computer and look up the closest homeless shelter where he could take this poor guy. Although he didn't know if the man would go with him. But he couldn't leave him here outside his back door.

Jared kept motioning inside with his hand. "Please. I won't hurt you. I promise. Coffee and food and then we'll see about finding you somewhere safe for the night. Okay?"

He stepped closer to the doorway and watched the other man slowly uncurl. He was taller than Jared had first realized. At least six feet. Maybe a little more. Besides the hoodie he wore baggie cargo pants and dilapidated boots, the soles held on with duct tape. Everything about him was six dirt layers beyond filthy. The stench reached Jared as the man got closer. God. The mangiest dogs dragged in here smelled better.

Jared swallowed and fought the stab in his gut. How did someone get this way?

He tried communicating again. "I'm Jared. What's your name?"

No response, not even a grunt as they entered the shelter.

The man's head darted warily, looking around the small office at the too-small desk with the old computer, the rickety chair and wall of filing cabinets. The florescent light blinked sporadically. He could see the man reacting to the flickering, which Jared had gotten so used to that he didn't even notice anymore. He quickly switched off the overhead, leaving the room lit by the lamp and the glow from the computer monitor. "I'm sorry. That can be annoying, I know. Is this better?"

A small 'mmm' sound greeted him. Jared guessed that meant 'yes.'

He walked to the Mr. Coffee and poured another mug. "Do you want creamer? Sugar?"

A tiny negative shake of the hoodie and long fingers encrusted with grime edged out from the tattered sleeve. Jared handed the mug over with the coffee black. At least it was warm.

The mug disappeared under the hoodie.

"You could take that off, if you wish."

There was no reply. Just the soft sound of swallowing and a pleasurable 'mmm'.

"What can I call you?" Jared knew he was getting repetitive but he couldn't go around calling him 'homeless man.' He didn't really like thinking of him that way, either, even if it were true.

"B'st."

"What?" Jared said.

The man used the hand not holding the coffee mug to point out the door, then back to himself and then uttered again, "Bee … st."

"No!" His unconscious anger caused the man to cower and Jared forced his voice calmer. "No. That's what _they_ called you. I'm not … that's _not_ your name. Do you know your name?"

The other man tilted his head. The hoodie moved. Jared really wished he'd just pull it down. It was disconcerting to stare into that dark oval. Jared imitated the man's own technique, pointing to his own chest and saying slowly, "Jared."

Jared felt the intense stare from the unseen eyes. The silence hung between them.

"Okay, never mind. Are you hungry? I have a stash of candy bars. Sorry there's nothing healthier. I've got a bit of a sweet tooth." He stopped his nervous ramble and pulled a Snickers bar from the small top drawer. It was snatched quickly from his fingers and disappeared, wrapper and all, into the shadow of the hoodie.

"No. You need to—" But it was too late. He heard tearing. Bits of paper and chocolate burst forth as the homeless man devoured the candy bar. The thought 'beast' flitted through his mind before he could stop himself. Jared curled his fists, digging his fingers into his own palms. No. This _man_ was hungry. If Jared, himself, ever got that hungry his eating habits wouldn't be much better. Silently he pulled out the rest of the candy he had in his drawer and left a small pile on the corner of the desk.

He pointed. "Take as much as you want."

With a growl, the rest were disposed of as quickly as the first. Jared hoped eating the wrappers wouldn't make the guy sick. Sitting back at his computer he opened his browser and searched for homeless shelters in the area. He dialed the first number on the list. They didn't answer. Great. The second number did answer but had no beds. The third number was disconnected. The fourth and last number informed him they had a 'waiting list.'

"But. I have this person here _now_. And I can't … you don't understand, he was brought here by mistake. This is an _animal_ shelter – we have kennels … we aren't equipped for … people."

"I'm sorry but I can't help you. Have you tried the Pine Street Shelter?"

"Yes. They also have no beds. I don't understand … what do you with … what if I'd just brought him over?"

"We don't open our doors after hours."

"What?"

"It's for the safety of our residents. You have to sign up and register for temporary shelter. We provide basic services and work to help individuals find a place of their own or reunite them with family. Bring your friend over Monday morning and we'll take his information and put him on the list. We'll get back to him within a few days and see what we can—"

It was Friday night. " _Monday_? What am I supposed to do with him in the meantime?"

There was a moment of silence. "I'm sorry. If you bring him in on Monday, we'll see what we can do. Goodbye."

The silence turned into a dial tone. Jared stared helplessly at the phone in his hand. A murmur caught his attention.

"Go …" The man pointed toward himself and then at the door.

The relief flared for a millisecond. Let him just disappear back into the darkness he came from. "N-no. No. I … " He what? What the hell was he supposed to do with him? Lock him up in a cage? In the end, there was only one choice. Jared grabbed his jacket from the peg on the wall. "C'mon. You can come home with me for now. Then, we'll see about finding somewhere that can take care of you."

Jared didn't let himself think about how he'd have to fumigate his apartment after this. And Sandy? She wouldn't … better not think about that. She wasn't home, thank goodness. She was visiting her folks and wouldn't be back until late Monday. She'd had issues with the stray animals he'd kept in their place overnight a few times. He looked at the strange creature in front of him. No. This. She would never understand.

– – –

The homeless man was strange. Okay. Understatement of the century. Jared needed to keep reminding himself that there was a human being under there. He didn't have a clue how old the guy was. He tried to guess from the little glimpse of his hands and the pitch of his voice but it was impossible. He figured anywhere between early twenties and early forties. There was no way to tell unless Jared got him to peel off some layers. And that was proving impossible.

After a bit of coaxing he'd managed to get the man to follow him outside and walk slowly a little behind him. That subservient position bothered Jared but each time he slowed down and tried to walk side-by-side, the guy would slow down further until he was again a step or two back. Finally, Jared gave up.

At the door to his apartment building the man cowered again. Jared spoke softly and kept saying it was fine and that there was food inside and that he'd be safe. There was a long pause in which the man shivered. Jared felt that shudder as if he'd been shaken himself. What could turn someone into this? He couldn't imagine.

They worked their way to Jared's fifth floor walk up. Thank goodness it had gotten quite late and nobody was around. He glanced at his hooded companion. Definitely the mangiest stray he'd ever brought back. The thought instantly brought a self-chastisement. No. Not a beast. A man. Jared noted that the guy handled the stairs well. Had to be used to walking.

Once inside the apartment, Jared considered. He really didn't want the guy on his couch. The smell would never come out. He was trying to do the right thing but there were limits. He grabbed his counter stool and offered the stranger a seat.

The guy looked from it back to Jared and ultimately ignored the stool, instead sinking down to the wood floor. He wrapped his arms around his knees, tucked his head in, and made himself as small as possible, rocking lightly. He looked about five years old in this position.

Jared set to work in the tiny galley kitchen, making some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It was the quickest he could do on short notice. He offered a paper plate with two sandwiches to his houseguest. The dirty hand came out and took the plate. At least he consumed the sandwiches more slowly than the candy bars.

Jared held his own plate, looked at the small eating counter and then impulsively decided to sit on the floor facing the strange man. He could tell by the tilt of the hood that the man was watching him. Sandwiches done, Jared stretched his long legs and stood.

"Want some milk? I always like milk with my PB and J." He didn't wait for an answer, just poured them both tall glasses.

It was incongruous watching the glass of white milk disappear into the dark hood. As the man's head tilted up to swallow for a second Jared caught a sliver of a scraggly ginger beard.

"Hey, it's warm in here. Why not take off your jacket?"

The man stood and handed the glass back to Jared before wrapped his arms protectively around himself again. Jared grabbed his own discarded jacket and mimicked putting it on, then off. He indicated with his hands that the man should remove his hood.

Frantic head shaking ensued.

"Okay. Okay. It's fine. You don't have to take it off. I just … I thought maybe."

Inspiration hit. "Wait here. I'll be right back." Jared disappeared into the bedroom. He rummaged through his closet shelf and found a hooded jacket much like the man was wearing – only not a biohazard. He grabbed a clean tee-shirt, sweats and boxers as well.

He offered them to the figure still huddled up to the wall. "Here. See. Just like yours. You can put this on instead. They're clean. And you're smaller than me so they'll definitely fit. Nice and loose, just like yours are now."

Jared put the pile of clean clothes down. The hoodie tilted again. Jared took this to be the man's considering pose. "Do you want … privacy? I can go—or better yet. Here. Follow me, you can change in there." Jared pointed toward his open bedroom door. No reaction. What was better? Should Jared go into the bedroom and let the man change out here? Was it scary for him to go into the other room? God, what had happened to the poor guy?

The man stood ignoring the clothes. His feet twisted oddly, little boy like. He shifted his weight side to side.

A flash of intuition. "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Jared didn't wait for an answer, just opened the bathroom door and waved his unusual guest inside. He picked up the clothes. "You can change in here, too." Jared eyed the shower, fought a wave of disgust at the thought of all that grime in his clean bathtub. "You can take a bath. Or a shower."

The man proceeded to piss in the toilet without bothering to close the door, this lack of modesty at total odds with his unwillingness to even remove his jacket. When done he turned back toward the open doorway and stood there. Jared realized he'd yet to see the other man's eyes.

Jared entered the bathroom after pulling out a towel and washcloth from the closet. He tried to not crowd but the room was small. Up close the stranger's stench was just about unbearable. God, did this man need a bath. He put the clean clothes on the floor and turned on the shower, closing the curtain to stop the water from splashing out.

"Wash," Jared said, mimicking the action with his hand. "The water's warm. You can get clean." He pointed once more to the tub, then turned and walked out, shutting but not locking the door behind him. He needed to be able to get in if anything went wrong.

At first he heard nothing. Then slowly there was a rustling and he heard the shower curtain shifting. Jared let out a breath. He'd have to clean out that tub with an entire bottle of bathroom cleanser after this, but it was worth it. It took a second before Jared realized that he was smiling.

The water shut off about twenty minutes later. Five minutes after that the guy came back out. He wore Jared's tee-shirt and sweats. Over it was the partially zipped jacket, hood forward, still concealing his face. His feet were bare and clean and Jared found himself captivated by the pink skin. As if sensing the scrutiny, the man scrunched his toes on the wood floor.

Jared disappeared into his bedroom again and returned with a pair of socks. "Here. I forgot these. Sorry."

Clean hands reached out to take them and Jared couldn't help but stare. The homeless man's fingers were lean and straight. He must have found Jared's clippers because his nails were neatly trimmed. A shock of surprise raced through Jared and that's when he realized that he'd been expecting something else. Something like claws, he realized with self disgust. He looked up and sensed the man's eyes on him again although they were obscured by the hood.

A lone finger moved and pointed inward, poking his own chest gently. "J'nsen."

"Jensen?" Jared's heart pounded.

The man nodded. Jared didn't know if this was an unusual first name or his last name. He considered. Well, the man was rather unusual. Jared smiled until his dimples came out, he had finally made progress. The man, _Jensen_ , tilted his hooded head slightly. Jared imagined a returned smile.

Jensen dropped down to the floor and quickly donned the socks, then folded into his scrunched position next to the bathroom door and remained still except for the slight rocking. Jared fought the absurd urge to squeeze down next to him and take him in a hug.

Instead he headed into the bathroom to take care of the damage. Jensen's discarded clothes lay in a heap on the floor. The used bath towel hung on the shower rod to dry. And the tub was clean. He did a double take. It was cleaner than he'd ever seen it. He looked around and spotted his bathroom cleaner and a dirty but neatly folded washcloth on the floor near the toilet. Impulsively, he looked in the toilet and noticed that it had been cleaned as well. The brush he kept next to it was still moist.

"Hey, man, thanks … you didn't have—" The words caught in Jared's throat. Jensen lay on the floor, just outside the bathroom door, curled up in a fetal position. From the soft huffing from beneath the hood, he was asleep.

Jared sucked in a breath as his eyes pricked with hot liquid. It was like someone had left an overgrown baby on his doorstep. Running the animal shelter, Jared had seen his share of misfortune. But this was the most heartbreaking thing he'd ever seen.

He draped a throw blanket gently around the sleeping form, careful not to disturb. Jared had always considered himself more compassionate than emotional but this … this just … He swallowed again. Quickly he got himself ready for bed, then with a last look at Jensen, settled guiltily in his own clean sheets and soft, giving mattress. He was dead tired but it took several calming breaths before he finally shook the evening's strange emotions off and fell asleep.

– – –

The shriek was as shocking as a siren in a monastery. Jared leapt up, heart tripping, practically falling out of bed in his adrenaline rush. He ran out of his room in time to glimpse dark blonde hair disappearing into the gray hood. Sandy stood in front of Jensen, screaming. Jensen darted to the side, snarling low, looking to escape but Sandy was shifting too, and they were caught in a mirror-like dance unable to get past each other.

As reality crashed in, Jared tried to perform damage control. "Sandy!" he shouted trying to cut through the din. "Stop. You're scaring him."

He could tell the minute she registered Jared's presence. "Jay … what? There's a … a … don't just stand there, get a bat or something!" She rose to her full five-foot-two inches and raised her heart-shaped face up to him, hysteria edging her voice.

Laughing probably wasn't the smartest thing Jared had ever done.

Jensen stopped moving at the sound of Jared's laughter. His snarl diminished into a questioning whimper. In fact, there was a startling similarity in the sounds Sandy and Jensen were both making.

"Honey. Stop. He's not going to hurt you. His name is Jensen. And he … just needed a place to spend the night."

She quickly skirted around the now-still Jensen and just about jumped into Jared's arms. "Hush. It's okay now darlin'. I'm sorry you got frightened." He held her back a step. "But what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming home until Monday night."

Huge brown eyes met his. He flipped a loose curly hair away from her face. "I wanted to surprise you by coming home early. I … missed you. I didn't think … Who is that, Jared?"

The question caught Jared off guard. There was no way he could tell Sandy the truth – she just wouldn't … "He's, um, a friend. And he showed up unexpectedly and needed a place to crash and since you were away I thought it would be okay …"

"But Jared … what's wrong with him?" Her voice got lower. "His face …"

Jared stared at her. "You saw his face?" That's when Jared remembered that flash of hair he'd glimpsed before the hood was back in place.

She nodded, turned away from Jensen. "For a second. It was wild, like an animal."

"Sandy. That's not very nice."

"Bee—st."

The sudden soft baritone caught them both by surprise and Jared spun back to Jensen. "No. You're not. She didn't mean it." He turned back to Sandy, anger flashing. "Sandy, how could you-?"

Her eyes slitted. "How could _I_? How could _you_ bring this … person … into my home without asking me first? How stupid do you think I am? This isn't some friend of yours. It's a freaking stray! Where'd you find him?"

Jared really didn't want to get into this. He ignored Sandy and walked into the kitchen to make coffee. Give her a few minutes to calm down. Jensen liked coffee so Jared poured extra into the filter. Once it was brewing he pulled out two mugs. After a pause he pulled out a third for Sandy.

Finally, he addressed his girlfriend. "He's not a stray. He's a man. And he needed a place to stay."

She twisted her face in disgust and turned to stare at Jensen. The other man quickly took a step back, went into his defensive bent-legged position and let out something like a hissy snarl.

Ignoring him she stalked into the bathroom. "What the _hell_ is that smell?"

Crap. She'd found Jensen's clothes. Jared had meant to bag them last night but exhaustion had taken over and he'd forgotten. Sandy slammed back out of the bathroom and got right up to Jared's chest. "That's it. You have a bleeding heart the size of your home state and I say, fine. It's sweet. It's why I love you. But this is too much." Her voice rose raggedly. "You let that … that thing in my home? Heaven knows what kinds of diseases he has. His clothes need to be burned, for chrissake! I hope to god you didn't let him sit on the furniture!"

"Sandy. Stop. He can hear you!"

"I don't care. What I need is for _you_ to hear me. I've been patient, Jared. You waste your degree running that ragtag animal shelter and I support you. We can't afford to live anywhere beyond this … and I say nothing. You bring home blind kittens and deaf dogs and one-legged parakeets and I deal. But this is just too much." She drew in a deep breath, clearly determined to regain her composure so her argument would be effective. "You're right, Jared, he's not a pet. He's a grown man in horrible shape. You can't neuter him and find him some family to live with. He's probably mentally ill." Her patience started to wane again. "He has to go. He can't stay here. He should never have been here in the first place! Jared, you brought this … stranger … into our home, let him near my things, alone with you all night long. He could've hurt you … could've … "

"I couldn't leave him, Sandy. Two guys dumped him on the doorstep. They thought we were a homeless shelter, I guess. I called around – no one – Sandy, I couldn't throw him back on the street."

She stared at him as if he were speaking a foreign language before picking up her handbag from where it had fallen on the floor. Finally she said, "I'm going over to Sophia's. Please have him out of here before I get back."

"But—"

"No. Jared. This is unacceptable. Stray animals are one thing. But stray people … Deep down, you know I'm right."

She was out the door before Jared could say another word.

 _Damn_.

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply. Quick breathing behind him made him turn. Jensen was back on the floor doing his rocking thing. Jared stepped over without thinking and squatted down. "It's okay. You don't have to go anywhere. I won't – we'll find you someplace safe. Where they'll take care of you."

Jared's attempt to be soothing had the opposite effect – Jensen started rocking harder and shivered again. Jared tensed inside. How many years had Jensen been lost within the system? Clearly it had never been able to take care of him. A really bad feeling came over him as he imagined someone as fragile as this in a huge, mindless bureaucracy. There'd been dogs he hadn't been able to save because the paperwork couldn't be done fast enough. Because of screw-ups. Because not caring was so much easier.

"You don't have to go anywhere," Jared repeated. "You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to go."

Jensen stilled and Jared rose and poured him a cup of coffee. As Jared returned with the steaming mug Jensen stood up. His hand came out. "Still want it black?"

The hood nodded yes and the mug disappeared into the shadows. Jared fixed his own coffee, black but extra sweet and motioned for Jensen to join him on the couch. He did so hesitantly. As Jensen sat he tested the cushions under him as if amazed that something so soft could hold his weight. There was something about that small, child-like gesture that touched Jared all over again.

"Hey, Jensen, you ever gonna take off that hood?"

Jensen raised his head and gave it a minute shake.

"Why not?" Jared pushed.

"Beast," Jensen replied.

"That's not true. You're not a beast. You've been a very polite houseguest. Better than some of my other friends, I'll tell you that. Nobody cleans up the bathroom after themselves like you did." He laughed.

"Girl yell."

Jared winced. Sandy. "Yes. She was surprised, is all. She didn't know anyone was spending the night. It surprised her and that's why she yelled. I didn't think she was coming home until Monday."

"Ugly." Jensen pointed at himself.

Jared peered but could still see nothing in the shadow cast by the hood. Fuck, somebody had screwed up this man but good. "I'm sure that's not so. And I don't care what you look like, Jensen. I won't yell. I promise."

Jensen held the mug with both hands before bringing it back to his mouth. Jared covertly tried to see more of the face Jensen was hiding, and could just make out the light pink of his lips along the edge of the coffee cup.

Jensen held the empty mug back out to Jared.

"Would you like some more?"

Jensen nodded. "Pl-ease."

Jared smiled and refilled Jensen's mug, then went to the kitchen and began to make some eggs. Jared was pleased that Jensen joined him at the counter when he set two plates there. They ate quietly.

Jared thought about what he could do next. It was Saturday. All the city agencies were closed. He could do some research online but really until Monday it would be difficult to get hard information. He thought he'd have all weekend. Sandy coming home early made this a real dilemma.

"Ja—red?"

Jared jumped. Jensen stood in the opening of the galley kitchen. He walked slowly to the sink, and washed first his and then Jared's empty plates and mugs, laying them to dry in the draining rack.

Staring dumbly Jared said, "Thank you."

He felt the smile within the other man's words, "Y'r welcome."

Once done, Jensen returned to the couch and settled back on it gingerly. Something tightened in Jared's chest. There was no way he could just toss him out. They were making progress. Jensen was speaking more. A little longer and maybe he'd be in better shape to help make some decisions for himself.

Except he didn't have time. Because Sandy would be back soon.

Jared spent an hour on his computer researching. It didn't look too promising. Standard procedure for the city's shelters included a sign-up and a waiting list. Acceptance was based on need. Jared looked back over at Jensen who sat quietly on the sofa, bouncing slightly every once in a while. The television was on but Jensen did not seem to be paying any attention to it. The brighter commercials caught his eye here and there but never for more than a few seconds. Jared wondered if Jensen understood any of it.

He went back to the web page he had up and read over some of the provided services. Literacy training.

"Jensen?" A small _grrr_ sounded from the other side of the room. Jared smiled. "Can you please come here for a second?"

Jared switched the web site to a news portal. He waited until Jensen was behind him and pointed to his laptop screen. "Can you read this?"

The computer was perched on the breakfast counter and so Jensen didn't need to stoop too far. He stood closer to Jared than he'd ever been before. Jared turned and tried to peer inside the hood, but Jensen quickly brought his hands up and adjusted it closer around his face. Jared moved away and let Jensen take the seat he'd just vacated.

"Eco-nomic indica-tors remain mixed," Jensen read slowly.

Jared's smile broadened. "Guess that answers that."

"Read," Jensen said simply.

Jared was instantly embarrassed. "Yeah. I see that. I should have just asked you. I'm sorry."

Jensen hopped off the stool and looked down. "Go."

"What?"

At Jared's wide stare Jensen pointed to his own chest. "Jensen go."

Jared stared. "No. I already told you that you don't have to leave until we find somewhere—"

"Girl say go."

Jared raked his hair. Dammit. "She … it's not up to her."

Jensen looked around. "Girl live here?"

Jared couldn't lie. "Yes."

Something solidified in Jensen's stance. He walked into the bathroom and came back holding his old clothes. "Change … back." His voice caught on the last word and Jared's heart leapt into his throat.

"No. You don't have to. The clothes I gave you are yours now. Please. Don't …"

Jensen looked at the disgusting mess in his hands. Even without seeing his face Jared could sense an inner battle. After an eternity he said, "Garbage."

Jared raced to the kitchen and returned with a plastic bag. He held it open while Jensen dropped the clothes inside. Even with the bag tied, the noxious smell lingered in the air.

A callused hand suddenly held Jared's forearm. The contact was warm and unexpected and Jared's skin felt a charge. "Thank you," Jensen said softly.

The hand pulled back and Jared moved unconsciously after the severed contact but Jensen turned away.

Jared watched his back. Jensen's shoes were back on, when had that happened?

"No. Please don't leave. I mean, where … where will you go?"

Jensen pointed to the door. Jared didn't know what that meant. Outside? Nowhere? Everywhere?

As the door opened Jared fought back the urge to tackle the other man to the ground and make him stay. But he had free will. Jared couldn't keep him against his wishes.

As if sensing Jared's worry Jensen turned back. "Beast o-kay."

"You're not a beast."

Jensen shook his head in disagreement and walked out without turning back.

Before the door completely closed Jared leapt forward and yelled down the stairs at the retreating gray form. "Come to the shelter. If you need anything. A candy bar, anything. Promise me you'll come to the shelter."

Something like a purr echoed out of the stairwell up at him.

**Chapter 2**

Sandy returned several hours later. Jared heard her key in the door and tamped down the feeling of irritation that she was back already. He'd hung around the apartment in the futile hope that Jensen might return. He was mad at himself for letting him leave without trying harder to get him some proper assistance. He cursed the agencies that kept banker's hours when need didn't disappear at five o'clock on a Friday evening.

"Honey? Jared?" Sandy approached and hugged him. "I'm sorry."

This surprised and disarmed him. It wasn't Sandy's fault. Not really. And a part of her was right. Jensen wasn't an abandoned pet he could find a new home for. He squeezed back and met her sweet lips. "I'm sorry, too."

They stayed like this a while. Truthfully, he had missed her. He didn't like sleeping alone. Whenever she was gone he wished he could have a pet but there were all the logical reasons she'd given why that wasn't a good idea.

Pulling apart she looked around hesitantly. Before she could ask, Jared volunteered, "Jensen left."

Sandy nodded. "You did the right thing, honey."

He was about to balk that he, in fact, hadn't done anything but she immediately dropped the subject and started chatting about her parents and Sophia and shopping and all the other things that filled her days and there wasn't a way for Jared to bring up Jensen and explain that the man was smarter than she'd given him credit for.

– – –

Jared never minded Mondays in the way other people did. Truthfully, he'd work at the shelter seven days a week and not really mind but he and his small staff traded off weekends and it seemed to work out. It did help to have a couple days away every other week. Actually Sandy insisted on it. She'd prefer he took every weekend off but Jared refused and it was one more thing they would simply never agree on.

Misha greeted him bright-faced and smiling. Jared smiled back, but knew Misha could tell something was off. His co-worker's unnerving gaze evaluated him and then he immediately asked, "What's up?"

There was such a thing as too observant, Jared thought, not for the first time. " 'S nothing. I just … There was … I didn't know what to do …" He reached for his mug and filled it with coffee just as his eyes fell upon some candy wrapper remains on the floor. Misha's gaze followed.

"Sugar party?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah. You could say that." He took a sip and pushed the hair off his forehead. Misha filled his own mug – the one Jensen had used—and perched himself on the corner of the desk. He was slight, with a thatch of dark unruly hair and see-all blue eyes, shorter than Jared. But then again most people were. Misha's eyes met Jared's as he slumped into his desk chair.

"Friday, as I was finishing up, these two guys showed up out back." Misha's face grew tense. "No. Nothing bad. They had this … man, um, a homeless guy with them. And they thought—"

"They thought we were a homeless shelter? Oh man, that's fucked up."

"Yeah. Tell me about it. But the guy, they, treated him … shit, the abandoned dogs get treated better." Jared's eyes grew dark and the hand holding the mug vibrated tightly. "They pretty much just dumped him out back and ran away."

Misha stared intensely. "What'd you do?"

Jared drained his mug. "I gave him coffee. All I had was the candy so I let him have that." Misha nodded in understanding. "Shit, Mish … you should have seen him. Filthy all over. Couldn't even see him because he was swallowed up in this hoodie jacket. Wouldn't take it off, not even inside. Like he's hiding. Afraid … but not … not for himself. Like he's afraid of folks seeing _him_."

Misha thought about this. "Well, figure the old guy probably lived a tough life."

"He isn't old." Misha stared at him again and Jared didn't know why he suddenly said this quite so vehemently. "I mean, I don't know how old he is. He never took off the damn hood, even after I gave him clean clothes."

"Um … Jared, we don't keep clothes here." Misha paused, his voice sounded resigned. "You took him home."

"I had to. I tried the local shelters and they had waiting lists and it was getting colder out and I just couldn't—"

"Of course you couldn't. Thank goodness Sandy wasn't—"

"Yeah. About that …"

"No." Misha winced.

"Yeah. She came home early. Popped in Saturday morning. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call the cops with all the yelling."

Misha snorted his high-pitched laugh. "Who was screaming louder, Sandy or the homeless dude?"

"Jensen."

"What?"

"The guy's name is Jensen."

"Hmm. Sounds Danish."

"I think it's his first name."

Misha eyed him again. "Where's Jensen now?"

Jared looked unconsciously toward the back door. "I don't know. He … Sandy got mad, stormed out, insisted he leave before she got back. I wasn't – I told him he didn't have to … but, he's not stupid. Just because he hides in a hoodie and has nowhere to live, doesn't make him stupid." Jared took a deep breath. His voice had been steadily rising.

"Of course not, Jay. Nobody called him stupid."

He turned toward his friend, frustration still flashing through him. "No. They called him 'beast.'" Misha stared again. "He … Jensen, when I first saw him, he was snarling, like an animal. The men with him called him Beast. And then … he called himself that. Repeatedly."

"Wow. That's …"

"Yeah."

"Well, humans are the most dangerous animal."

Jared studied his gentle friend. "Yes. We are that." He rose to go check on the animals under their care. Misha followed him out of the small office. "Jensen left on his own. I couldn't keep him."

– – –

Two weeks passed.

Misha quietly accepted Jared's talking about Jensen and ongoing search saying only that Jared had a good heart. Sandy never spoke about it again, and acted like that odd morning never happened. Except Jared couldn't get that glimpse of beard and that flash of hair and that curled up body sleeping on his wooden floor out of his mind.

The first week after they'd met, he'd visited all four homeless shelters and asked if anyone meeting Jensen's description had shown up. Not surprisingly, the answer was no. He hadn't even given the poor man the addresses of the shelters before he'd left. He wondered how much longer those pathetic boots would last. Couldn't be long. Then what?

This week he'd tried the shelters again and had meandered during his lunch break in ever widening circles around the shelter, peering in doorways and alleyways. It felt futile given the size of the city and endless places people could disappear in plain sight. But he couldn't help himself. Today's lunch time excursion had proven no more enlightening than any other.

Misha popped his head into the office as Jared finished inputting some records into the computer. "Jay?"

Jared nodded absently.

"Jay, you gotta get out here."

At Misha's intense look Jared hopped up and walked to the front waiting area.

Jensen stood just inside the doorway. Jared stared, unable to think of what to say.

"Jay? Is this the guy—"

Misha's question was broken off by Jensen reaching inside of the front of his hoodie jacket and pulling out a small fluff of gray fur. A very tiny kitten meowed thinly. Jensen held it in his palm and reached out to Jared, saying brokenly, "Ja-red."

For an insane moment Jared wondered if Jensen had named the kitten after him. Then reality resumed and he realized Jensen had been addressing him as he handed the animal over. Jared reached out and took the little fluff ball, it was dwarfed in his large palm. From its size he figured it was maybe six to seven weeks old. Tiny claws dug in and it arched its back, giving out a high-pitched wail. He stroked the kitten's head and back gently with his finger, automatically murmuring a soft sound. After a few moments the kitten relaxed and curled up in his hand.

Jared remained speechless. He'd admittedly had fantasies about finding Jensen again. Maybe stumbling upon him on the street, leaning against a wall or sleeping in a cardboard box. Perhaps even finding him at one of the shelters that he'd planned to continue to check periodically. But Jensen bringing in a stray hadn't even been on his radar of wild possibilities. And the sweetness of the act – Jared didn't quite know what to do with the emotions coursing through him.

"Where did you find …" Jared checked briefly. "… her? Was there a mother cat as well? Any more of the litter?"

Jensen tilted his hooded head in that now familiar way. "Alone. No mother."

Jared nodded. It happened. She could have gotten separated. The kitten seemed a good weight. "You hungry?" he asked the fur ball.

"Milk."

"What?" Jared turned toward Jensen.

"Fed her. Milk. With finger."

Misha met Jared's eyes and they wordlessly communicated. Misha went into the back and returned with a bottle of kitten formula. Jared looked down at the little creature and back at Jensen. He approached slowly and held the little animal back out.

"Would you like to feed her?"

The hood looked up. It was still too dark to see anything within. Shaky hands reached out. Hands that still looked clean took the bottle and held the little critter just as Jared had done. The kitten seemed happy to be back with Jensen and settled into his hand contentedly.

"She likes you," Jared said with a huge smile. He glanced once at Misha, who held his gaze a moment before excusing himself to go check on the other animals in their care.

"Where'd you find her?" Jared asked.

"Grate. Warm keeping. So small. Thought dead. Usually are. But she move. Try help, keep warm." He pointed inside his hoodie jacket.

Jared nodded at this. Smart. The cold was dangerous for such a young kitten.

Jensen continued. "Milk. But no bottle. Use finger. Worked."

Jared couldn't stop smiling. The urge to hug them both was vibrating through his veins. He took a step away to tamp it down.

"Remember Jared. Helps beasts."

Jared was absolutely certain that Jensen was smiling, even though he could see nothing of the man's face.

Jared surrendered to his need to touch, putting his hand gently on Jensen's arm. "I'm so glad you came back. I've been thinking about you. Wondering how you were." He eyed the clothes he'd given Jensen. They were in need of a wash.

"I have more clothes for you. You can change here. In private. You can use my back office. And then I'll wash those for you and you can come back and switch off again in a few days. We also have a shower here. Just a stall in our bathroom. Sometimes it gets messy with the animals. You can use it." He knew he was racing through the words, trying to get them all out before the other man bolted from his life again. "Another hoodie jacket, Jensen. I know you like those. I have a new one for you."

Jensen was tickling under the kitten's chin with his index finger. Jared couldn't stop tracking that small movement. Jensen's head ducked inward, drawing the little creature higher. "N-o," he stuttered. "Jared too good. Beast not worth—"

"No. You _are_ worth it. And you're not a beast. You're this amazing man that just saved a little kitten's life. That earns you a shower, don't you think?"

"Not why—" Jensen's voice held a tight edge.

Jared recoiled. He hadn't meant … "Of course not. I know you weren't looking for anything beyond helping the kitten. I _know_ this." He took a deep breath. "Jensen, it's healthier to stay clean. Better for you. It'll keep you strong. I … want this for you. Pl-ease."

After an eternity in which Jensen stood just petting the kitten he put his hand out and returned the little creature to Jared. "Okay."

Jared called out to Misha. "Please take the kitten to Alona to look over." Misha nodded. "I'm going to let Jensen shower here."

Misha stared. "Jared. What are you doing?"

"The right thing."

Misha disappeared into the back. Jared waited a few moments and then walked Jensen into the building's interior, past the exam room's glass enclosure. Alona's big brown eyes widened as they passed and looked questioningly at Jared and Jensen but Misha shook his head at her as if saying, 'Don't ask.' Jared silently vowed to explain it all to her later. She shrugged and began to examine the kitten.

Jensen's hooded head was looking toward Alona with fear. That telltale shiver came back.

Jared reached out and held his arm steady. "That's Alona, our veterinarian. She won't disturb you. I promise."

He led Jensen to a door right before the cage area and told Jensen that was their bathroom. He asked Jensen to wait and returned a few minutes later with a bag of clean clothes he'd bought from a local discount store. Basic stuff. Sweats, boxers, socks, some tee-shirts and another gray, hooded jacket, slightly oversized. Buying the clothes had been a long shot. He'd hoped against hope that Jensen would return.

"Jensen, everything you need is in here. Here …" He placed the clothes in his hand and then handed a rough towel to Jensen. "Best we have, I'm sorry." Jared hesitated a moment. "Would you mind handing me the clothes you're wearing so I can wash them?"

Jensen didn't say anything as he disappeared into the bathroom shutting the door behind him. Jared heard some motion behind the door. A few minutes later the door opened a crack and Jensen handed him the dirty items. Jared walked them to the dilapidated washer and dryer. It wasn't much but it would do the trick.

Fifteen minutes later Jensen emerged wearing the new clothes. Jared had been waiting and as soon as he saw Jensen wrapped up in yet another gray hooded jacket he couldn't keep the smile from his face.

"Everything fits. Good." He'd bought a smaller size of sweats because the one's he loaned Jensen had been too big on him. Well, like the jacket, but there was no reason for the sweats to fall off him. "I put my name and cell phone number in the jacket pocket. Just in case. And whenever you want to, come by and wash and change again, okay? Or … you can just come by … anytime."

Again the silent head tilt. Jared asked Jensen to follow him to the front waiting area where he pointed toward three shoe boxes he'd piled on a seat. He felt Misha's stare from behind their counter but ignored the other man.

"I didn't know your shoe size. I bought three different sizes, taking a guess. I'm pretty sure one of these will be good. I kept the receipts and I'll return the ones that don't fit."

Jensen squirmed. "No. Jared. Cannot. Too good you. Beast does not—"

Jared fought to keep his voice calm. "You are _not_ a beast. And these are just cheap sneakers. Like I said we're only keeping one pair. Your boots aren't going to hold up any longer. You know this. These won't last all that long … but for some time at least. C'mon, try them on and let's see which one works for you."

Jensen stood still for a long time. Jared could feel eyes burning into him although Jensen's remained completely hidden from view. Finally Jensen squatted and examined each box, reading the sizes. He flipped one lid off, pulled out a shoe, and took a seat. He pulled off his old boots. Jared watched them thud to the ground, the duct tape flapping slightly where it had come unstuck.

Jensen slid his foot inside the new sneaker. It fit perfectly. Like Cinderella, Jared thought absurdly. He was not completely surprised that Jensen knew his shoe size. Just added it to the mystery. Once Jensen had tied both new sneakers he stood slowly and bounced on his heels a few times then up on his toes. He lifted one foot, then the other and brought each down in a strange almost jig.

Jared smiled broadly. "Why not give a jump?" he offered.

There was a moment of hesitation before Jensen gave a small leap up. The hood flew back a little and Jared saw a tantalizing glimpse of pale skin before Jensen's hand quickly grabbed the hood's edge and held it tightly in place. Jensen froze.

"It's okay," Jared offered.

"N-no … ugly. No see. Yell. Too ugly."

"Jensen I wouldn't yell. I'm sure you're not—"

"Ugly!" Jensen growled, voice hoarse and octaves deeper. His beast was back full throttle.

Jared automatically took a step back, inadvertently startled. Misha let out a small gasp. This sobered Jensen. His voice softened again. "Sorry. Jared so good. Beast sorry."

"You aren't a beast," Jared repeated automatically.

Jared heard a sad half-laugh.

In a blink Jensen's hand came out and cupped Jared's cheek softly. "Jared beautiful."

By the time Jared reopened eyes he didn't realize he'd closed, Jensen was gone. Jared touched his cheek in an effort to keep the tingle and heat and rough burn of callused fingers in place for a few more moments.

– – –

Jared saw no reason to volunteer to Sandy that Jensen had returned to the shelter. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Jared tried to keep up with Sandy's gabbing. Usually this wasn't an issue. She had a sweet voice and an even sweeter face and if he didn't always hear every word it was enough to just watch her say it. He'd loved her since his sophomore year of college, and when they'd moved east together after graduating from the University of Texas in Austin it just seemed like the perfect start to a new life. Sandy wanted to break into publishing and the east coast was a mecca for the kind of editorial work she sought. Jared was happy to simply be with Sandy.

College had been their proving ground. Midway through their junior year Sandy had announced that she wanted them to stop being exclusive. That hit hard and Jared had automatically assumed she'd met someone else. Turns out that wasn't the case, but Sandy was afraid of feeling tied down too soon. Still, for all essential purposes Jared felt like this was a breakup. He buried the hurt and tried dating. He took the opportunity to test the curiosity he had about occasional feelings of attraction to other men. Now or never, he figured.

But in the end, nothing came close to Sandy and by the time senior year started they'd fallen back together without much discussion. He never asked what she'd done during their time apart even though he knew she'd dated. Never volunteered his activities either – especially none of the same-sex kind. And if a hot guy still caught his eye now and again he ignored it just as when a hot girl did. He was committed to Sandy and the rest didn't matter.

"Do we really have to have Chad and Sophia over tonight?" Jared griped. He was still riding the high of Jensen returning yesterday afternoon and bringing in the kitten and accepting the clothes and he didn't know what he wanted except that it was frustrating to have all this good feeling bottled up inside with nowhere to let it out.

"Yes. We do. It's their anniversary and I promised we'd hang out."

Jared thought about this. "Anniversary of what?"

Sandy turned to him. "Their, um, third reconciliation, I think. Maybe fourth."

There wasn't much to say to this. Jared thought back to the little kitten. So cute. Shouldn't be too hard to place that sweetie. He kept seeing Jensen's finger petting the top of the kitty's head. The way he held her up to his upper chest, near his heart. He wondered if the man wished he could keep her. Of course, that was ridiculous being that Jensen didn't even have a home himself. But it would be nice if Jensen could at least be able to visit the kitten. See that she was doing well, growing into a strong cat.

"Sandy? Someone brought in a little gray kitten yesterday, just before we closed. A tiny baby. You would love her … why not come to the shelter later and give a look … maybe—"

Sandy held a hand out. "No, Jared. Don't bother. You want me to fall in love with this pussy cat so that then you can cajole me to let you have a pet. I already told you … it's not that I have anything against animals … I just, I'm not a pet person, Jay. And this apartment's too small."

"Not for a cat, it isn't."

"I … Jared, why must we always have this same discussion over and over? Don't you see enough fleas and claws in the endless hours you give that place? Must it also come home with you? I accept things about you that I might not like. Why can't you do the same for me?"

She was right that between the two of them he gave her way more to have to accept than she did him. He lived and breathed that shelter. Her job at the magazine was important to Sandy – but not in the same all-encompassing way. And her salary, frankly, allowed him to live his passion. He gave her a quick hug. "You're right. I'm sorry. Let's drop it."

It was dumb for him to even bring it up. Even if she had seen the kitten she wouldn't have wanted to bring her home. It was just her way. And he knew this. Why suddenly it should matter was ridiculous. Besides, it's not like her feelings about animals as pets were anything new. She was a caring person. Gave money to charities all the time – especially animal-related causes because she knew how much Jared cared about it.

He tried changing the subject. "Hey. Misha's off tonight … How 'bout I give him and Tori a call to come join us as well?"

Sandy's mouth twisted quickly before flattening into a neutral expression. "Well. If you think so. I'm not sure he likes Chad all that much. And I'm sure Victoria would rather keep Misha to herself on his day off."

"Nobody likes Chad," Jared answered quickly, ignoring the fact that Sandy clearly didn't want to keep Jared to herself. Sophia and Chad were Sandy's friends. They'd met at the magazine shortly after they'd moved here and the girls had clicked like sisters. Chad was okay. Good for a laugh. Besides, this wasn't about Chad but more about Sandy's instant aversion to all things related to the shelter. The shelter that was at the center of his life. He sighed.

"Fine. I won't call him."

Sandy's smile brightened.

Jared's cell phone rang. The ringtone indicated it was the shelter. Instantly, Sandy frowned. "Jay, it's your day off … don't you dare—"

"Hello?"

Alison was one of the shelter's volunteer workers. She was slight and geeky and loved animals more than people. They were really lucky to have her, especially as she was so brilliant that she was going to have her PhD in computer science before the age of twenty-three. Well, if her extracurricular hacking activities didn't get her arrested first. "Jay? Your friend came back. The one you said to look out for. With the hoodie? There's a huge note from Misha that says to call you right away if he shows up."

"Yeah? Really? Great. I'll be right th–"

Sandy was glaring at him. _Shit_.

"Wait, um, see if he'll take the phone. But be very gentle, speak slowly and don't startle or get too close."

He turned his back to Sandy and waited. Then he heard a shy, "Jared?"

"Yeah, hey buddy. Do you need anything? That's Alison. She's a really great girl. You can trust her. Trust her like you do, me. Okay? Just let her know what you need."

"Kitten?"

Jared smiled. Jensen was checking up on the kitten. His heart sped up as he spoke fast to reassure. "She's fine. Alona, our vet, remember, said she checked out fine. Healthy. You saved her, Jensen, you saved her life."

Behind him Jared heard a swift intake of air and mentally kicked himself for using Jensen's name. Dammit. He so didn't want to get into this.

Jared ignored Sandy for the moment and continued speaking to Jensen about the kitten. "She's in the back. If you give the phone back to Alison I'll ask her to bring her out. Would you like to visit with her a little?" _Would that make you happy?_

There was a sudden shifting noise and then a high-pitched _meow_. God bless Alison. She'd known what to do without being asked. He heard a breathy, "Oh." Jared pictured that little kitten back in Jensen's hand. There was an almost giggle. "Bigger."

"Yes. Kittens grow very quickly."

He heard purring but wasn't sure if it was coming from the kitten or Jensen.

Finally, an impossibly soft voice said, "Thank you."

Jared wanted to reply but his throat suddenly closed up like he'd swallowed a ball.

Alison came back on the line. "Jay? He … he left. Said thank you."

"I heard him," Jared managed to croak. "I … thanks Alison."

"Jay, who is he?"

"I don't know. But if you see him again, call me. Okay?"

Alison agreed although Jared could tell she remained confused. She wasn't the only one. He hung up quickly and took a few deep breaths to quell his emotions. Behind him he felt pellets of tension assaulting him.

" _Jensen_?" Sandy questioned when Jared didn't turn around. "The homeless guy? Why are you speaking to him on the phone? I thought we'd gotten rid of him?"

Jared tried to keep the irritation off his face as he responded. "He brought in a stray kitten."

Sandy's eyes widened. "The same cat you wanted us to …?" She stopped. "What the hell, Jared … Not only do we have to have this guy and his diseases all over my home? But now I have to have his damn _strays_ , too?"

"It's not like that. He … saved that kitten. She got separated from her mother and was too young to make it. If he hadn't brought her in ..."

She didn't seem moved. "Great. So now he's St. Francis. Look … I get it, I do. This is _you_ … what you do. Who you are. But the rest of us mortals … it's hard enough just taking care of ourselves, let alone all the Earth's creatures." She paused, her face softening and she placed her hands on his cheeks. Long, polished nails, gently trailed his jaw line. "I keep my work at work, Jay. You need to do the same thing. For both of us, sweetheart. Okay?"

He grabbed one of her hands and enveloped it in his own. Her palm against his cheek felt smooth and cool. Like frozen silk. "Sure, baby."

– – –

They watched _The Wedding Singer_ followed by _Die Hard_. Chad's high-pitched laugh permeated the small space. The beer kept coming and after the first three Jared finally found himself relaxing. He sat on the floor, leaning back onto the sofa between Sandy's legs. Chad and Sophia took up the rest of the sofa. As _Die Hard_ progressed they'd taken to playing a drinking game, taking a shot every time John McClane killed someone. The movie had a reasonable death count. Actually tame by today's standards. At first it was fun. Bang-bang and down they went. But by the time of the explosion in the elevator shaft Jared's mind started drifting again.

He was curious to get Alison's take on Jensen. There was something about the way she'd asked who Jensen was that made him wonder if Jensen had spoken at all to her beyond asking for Jared. A warmth returned remembering Jensen say his name so cautiously on the phone. Instinctively, he knew that he'd built a level of trust with Jensen that was preciously rare. For the millionth time he wondered what had happened to reduce Jensen to nearly subhuman state. He was intelligent, Jared knew without a doubt. And despite the shyness and over-the-top humbleness Jensen possessed a measure of pride. The way his voice had sounded when he'd told Jared he could read. Jared remembered how he'd felt then, how he'd cringed at the condescension he'd shown. He would have thought better of himself.

"Hey Jay-bird you ain't been listening to a thing we've been saying."

Jared looked around startled. He heard Christmas music coming from the television as the closing credits rolled by. Had the movie ended? But this made him wonder about the last movie Jensen had seen. Wondered if he'd be able to convince him one day to maybe go to a movie. Or maybe he could bring his laptop and a DVD into the shelter and …

"The girls want ice cream. I was saying let's head to O'Brien's instead since you're outta tequila. What say you?"

"I … what?"

Sandy shifted and stood, her face pursed in a frown. "Jay. The point of all of us hanging together is for _all of us_ to hang together. Not just me and Soph and Chad and you off in another world …"

He stood up and ran his hand through his hair. Shit. He had let himself get too distracted. This was ridiculous. She was right. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Um. What was the question again?"

A quick glance at Sophia showed him that his apology was too late. Sandy was pissed. Great. Well, that meant there was only one thing to do. He looked pleadingly to Chad who mouthed back 'ice cream.'

"Want to go get ice cream?"

Sophia smiled and Sandy finally met his eyes. Her pointy chin shot up. "Yeah? I was in the mood for some Ben and Jerry's"

Jared figured this was his ticket out of the dog house. "I have a better idea. You girls wait here and Chad and I will run to the store and pick up some pints and bring them back. Cherry Garcia or double chocolate chip?"

He was graced with a huge smile. Sandy's face lit up when she was happy. He'd forget, sometimes, how lovely she was. This was a sweet reminder. He beamed back at her knowing her answer before she spoke. "I'll bring back the Cherry Garcia."

"So what has our Jay-bird so distracted?" Chad asked now that the tension seemed over.

Sandy skirted around Jared to look back at their guests. "Oh. Just another stray." Jared wondered briefly if maybe Chad and Sophia might be up for the kitten, especially as Sandy was bringing it up. They didn't have any pets. Chad had spoken of growing up with dogs and so he knew Chad might be into it. He wasn't sure about Sophia but that kitten sure was hard to resist. He wondered if he'd be able to convince them to stop by the shelter tomorrow and then maybe just bring the kitten out … Sandy's next words derailed that thought like a car on a train track. "Only this time he actually brought it home. Scared the hell out of me. I practically tripped right over him."

Sophia laughed, deep and a little drunk. "Oh, Chaddie … I forgot to tell you this. It's a good one."

Jared stared at them face reddening.

Oblivious, Sophia continued. " … this stray was the two-legged kind."

Chad paled a moment. "Soph, you can't mean Sandy walked in on … "

Sandy quickly corrected him, amusement in her voice. "No. Chad. Not at all. Sophie, stop - you'll start rumors. Nah. It was just some homeless guy Jared picked up somewhere. Baby has too big a heart is all. Did scare me though. Now, I can laugh about it, but it wasn't funny that morning. We stood screaming, me and this guy all hidden in one of Jay's giant hoodies. Seriously, he was growling. Really weird."

Chad's cackle mingled with Sandy's soft giggle.

Jared's anger was so deep, so pure, his breath was coming out in short little snorts. He grabbed his jacket from the hook near the door. Stopped thinking. Couldn't see anything other than bright blood red. "I'm leaving," he uttered in a voice like crushed stone.

Chad quieted his laughter. Stood up. "Yeah, let's go get that ice cream."

"No! I'm going alone … Need to walk. I need to …" He turned to Sandy, ignored the other two. "How could you? He's not a _stray_! He's a human being! You saw him. You heard him. He's got more humanity in him than … " Sandy's eyes were huge. Face growing pink. He absolutely couldn't stand looking at her one more second. "I have to go. I … Fuck, I don't even _know_ you anymore."

The streets blended one into the next. He passed the shelter, long closed, and kept on going. He couldn't stop even long enough to check on the animals. Something he always did whenever he was in the area. They were all his babies. But stopping meant … no … he kept going, burning off the rage that sizzled and would not dissipate. He broke into a run. He ran every morning. He could go for miles.

Sandy had always been gentle. She cried at sad movies and was quick to help an old person in the store or offer her shoulder to a friend in need. Her friends in school always said she was a good listener. Had something changed her? Had the city hardened her? Jared tried to remember the way Sandy had been with those less fortunate. Maybe that was the problem. In school everyone felt equal. No one had much money. They took turns paying for any meals out. Wasn't ever a free movie or event they'd pass up.

Sandy was fully on board when Jared started grad school. Hell, she'd pretty much supported them. And if his MSW degree didn't ultimately leave him in a swanky office psychoanalyzing the rich and famous, well, she seemed to understand. It's not like this was the first animal shelter he'd been involved with. He'd worked in shelters and with rescue groups all through college. Heck, even before that, in high school. And she knew this. Understood it's who he was. But. Who was she?

His cell phone rang startling him. Had to be Sandy. She was worried about him. Only it wasn't Sandy, the ID had a "PD" suffix. Police? His heart jumped to the speed of an avalanche.

"Mr. Padalecki?"

"Yes?"

"This is Officer Morgan. I'm sorry to call you this late, sir, but your name and number were given to us by an indigent man loitering in front of a residential building. He's, um, pretty disturbed and we were gonna run him down to County Hospital but then he pulled this paper with your information from his pocket …" Jared froze mutely. "Mr. Padalecki, do you know this man? He has no other ID."

Jared's mind snapped back. "Yes. Yes, I do. His name is Jensen. Don't hurt him, please. I mean, where are you? I'll come there."

The officer seemed edgy. "We aren't going to hurt him. He's making quite a ruckus and he can't stay here. Look. He's very troubled. It might be best if we run him to—"

"No! Please. Unless he's hurt then he doesn't need a hospital." Jared panicked thinking of Jensen restrained in the county psychiatric ward. Turned into the thing everyone already thought he was. "Where is he?"

Jared's own address was read back at him. Oh god. "That's my – I mean, I live there. I'll be there in ten minutes. I'll run. Please, just wait." An inspiration. "Let me talk to him on your phone. Please."

There was a scuttling sound. Whimpering noises through the phone. Jared made himself sound reassuring. "Jensen. It's Jared. Please listen to me. Stay calm. The police officer will _not_ hurt you. He promised me. Just wait. I'm coming."

There was a slight murmur in reply. The policeman came back on. Jared asked for ten minutes, hung up, and took off in a run.

He arrived in about seven, fighting for oxygen, feeling like he was underwater. The flashing lights of a police car bounced off the buildings like a beacon. Jensen sat on the ground against the dirty white brick wall, knees up, head down, rocking. A police officer stood over him. Another leaned against his vehicle looking impatient and rigid. As Jared approached the officer closest to Jensen walked over and stretched out his hand.

"Mr. Padalecki? Officer Morgan. Is he family?" he asked sympathetically, head pointing toward Jensen.

Jared nodded as he shook the cop's hand. Whatever it took to get the police and lights and the fear away from Jensen.

"Go off his meds?"

Again Jared nodded. For a moment he doubted. What if Jensen _had_ gone off his medication? What if that's the only reason he was on the streets? What if there was a family desperately worried and looking for him right now? Should Jared let the police take him to the hospital?

A hand touched his sleeve. Jared looked down and caught a blink of brilliant green from within the hood of Jensen's jacket. The image vanished a second later as Jensen's head shifted down. Jared shivered and fought the immediate eeriness. Had to be a trick of light from the police car. Nobody's eyes were that green.

Jensen tugged harder and Jared leaned down. Jensen's voice was low and broken. "Poison. Poison mother."

He looked up in alarm and met the cop's dark brown stare. Jesus, what the hell? He twisted away from the officer, speaking in a whisper. "Jensen. What? Who was poisoned?"

"Mother cat."

Jared sucked in air and turned back to the officer. "I'll take care of him. Are we … are we okay now?"

The officer leaning against the car spoke to him gruffly. "Keep him off the streets, sir. For his own sake."

Officer Morgan looked at him understandingly. "My brother is schizophrenic. 'S not easy. Good luck. He your brother?"

"No. My … cousin."

Officer Morgan hesitated and then pulled out a business card, scribbling something on the back. "Look … I … I've been through this. If you need some help, you can give me a call."

Jared pocketed the card and met the policeman's intense brown stare. He tried for a smile as he mumbled thanks.

The two officers gave them both a last long look and then slowly got back in their car and drove away.

Jared stood staring until he couldn't see their lights any longer.

Jensen stood slowly. "Jared. Must stop them. Poison cats."

Jared laughed. Okay, not the most appropriate reaction at that exact moment. Certainly not one that matched any event of the evening or the words being spoken to him. But he grabbed Jensen's upper arms and leaned his head down into the top of the hoodie and let out a relieved laugh that Jensen was fine and standing there and talking about saving cats and not on the way to be straight jacketed.

Although maybe Jared was the one that needed the straight jacket.

"Jared?" Jensen asked shakily.

"I'm sorry. I'm just-I'm glad you had my number. Glad they didn't—Never mind that. Did you … were you looking for me?"

Jensen nodded. "Went street where found kitten. See maybe more. Find mother. But … cats dead. Poisoned. Behind restaurant. Same men shelter take me. They poison cats."

Jensen wriggled slightly. That's when Jared realized how tight he'd been squeezing the other man's arms. He loosened his grip and started to absently run them up and down the thick, soft fabric of the jacket. Jensen dipped his head and Jared heard that almost purr.

As Jared finally calmed down, Jensen's words penetrated. The hell? Someone was poisoning cats? His adrenaline spiked back up. "Jensen? Did you eat—" Jared had seen homeless folks behind restaurants sometimes, had seen people picking through the day's trash. It broke his heart and when he could he'd offer money but he couldn't always help. There were days he kept walking. Most days if he were honest. His heart beat faster.

A hand reached Jared's shoulder. "No. No eat there any more. Yell at Beast, go."

The front door of Jared's building suddenly opened and Chad bounded out. He stopped short at the sight of Jensen and Jared.

Jensen stepped quickly away from Jared and growled. He bent his knees in his angry, defensive mode.

"What the hell is that?" Chad shouted.

The growl got a little louder.

Jared looked as the two men squared off and instantly went to stand in front of Jensen. "Chad. Don't."

"Jay?"

Jared reached behind him and took Jensen's hand, squeezing once. "Jensen, it's fine. This is a … Chad. He won't hurt you." Jared turned around. Jensen's shoulders were up, his posture scrunched and hidden, making him seem shorter, less … human. His face was still hidden inside the oversized hood.

"Why's he still here? The cops came. We asked them to take him away."

Jared spun around. "What? _You_ … you called them?"

Chad glared like Jared had lost his marbles. "Yeah! He was sitting in front of the building. Practically howling. Jay, what is wrong with you? The guy's nuts. He's growling for fuck's sake! At least the cops coulda helped him. What are _you_ going to do?" Chad stopped. Stared hard at Jared and then back at Jensen. " _Jensen_? Holy fuck. This is the homeless dude Sandy tripped over? Fuck, man, even for you this Mother Theresa stuff has gone too far. Sandy's crying her eyes out upstairs, dude. Soph's staying with her. I gotta go home and sleep alone."

A motion behind him made Jared turn again. Jensen was walking away. "No. Jen, don't."

Jensen stopped. Turned. "Wh—at?"

"Don't go."

Jensen shook his head as if something was wrong. But then he shuddered once and tilted his hooded head up. "Make trouble. Girl sad. Jared, go home. Beast leave."

"You're _not_ a beast. I'll … deal with Sandy. Don't worry about … We … c'mon, we have cats to save."

Jared turned back to Chad. "I'm going to the shelter. Tell Sandy … tell her it's an emergency. I'll talk to her later."

Chad's shocked stare burned into his back as he took Jensen by the hand and walked away.

He'd gone a full block before realizing he was still holding the other man's hand. It felt warm and rough and strangely right against his palm. Jensen stopped, looked down at their hands. Jared realized he'd been moving his thumb against the other man's palm. The hooded head rose and tilted. Jared let go.

They continued walking silently. A few steps further Jensen's hand touched his again. There was no hesitation. Jared threaded his fingers with Jensen's and gave a gentle squeeze and kept walking toward the shelter.

**Chapter 3**

Jared turned the key in the lock and sucked in the ever present slightly dank animal smell and felt _home_.

"C'mon in," he gestured to Jensen. "I'll make us some coffee."

Jensen followed silently. Jared asked him to wait in the reception area while he went into the back office and got the Mr. Coffee going. God. What a night. He eyed the time. Nearly two. His head pounded. Between Sandy and the drinking and the running and the _Jensen_.

As it brewed he came back out. Jensen was perched on one of the plastic chairs. Sitting on its very edge. Ready to flee, Jared thought. He shrugged off his jacket. "Jensen, it's warm in here. Why not take off the jacket? You'd be more comfortable. And it's only us in here."

Jensen shook his head wildly and brought his arms around himself. Jared retreated immediately. "Okay. Fine. I'm sorry."

Of course their entrance had disturbed the dogs, who'd started barking. "I should go check … Do you want to come with me?"

Jensen followed him through the swinging door and past the examination room to the kennels. They held anywhere between fifteen and twenty-five animals at once. It could get loud. As the men entered the barking got frantic, and Jensen stopped short. He started growling, low and guttural, and he was holding himself like ... like a two-legged alpha dog.

Fighting the moment of surrealism Jared put his hand gently on Jensen's arm again. "It's okay. They're all in their kennels. They can't hurt you. You can wait out here, if you wish. But I wanted you to meet Sadie. She's … special." Jared turned to face Jensen. Like you are, he thought, but didn't say.

The frenzy turned into wagging tails and excited woofs as Jared was spotted. "Hey guys."

He grabbed some doggie treats and spent some time with each dog, working his way down the row slowly. Jensen hung back, not getting too close. But he'd stopped growling so Jared considered this progress. After a few minutes Jensen skipped ahead to the smaller cages at the far end. Jared knew immediately what he'd seen.

"Open?"

Jared looked over as Jensen indicated the latch to the small cage holding the gray kitten.

"Sure."

Jared walked over to the last of the dog pens. His special friend was inside. "Hi girl." Sadie let out a dainty bark and eyed him eagerly. He opened the door and squatted down to nuzzle her. She was a mess when she'd been brought in, had been struck by a taxi. No collar, but she was so good around people that they figured she'd once had an owner but had been abandoned. She was a medium-sized German Shepherd mix. Alona had saved her life and Sadie eventually got stronger. But she was an adult dog and they hadn't been able to place her.

Jared had finagled to let her stay at the shelter.

Her warm body felt so good pressed into him. She wriggled and that's when he realized for the second time tonight he'd been squeezing a bit too hard.

He'd wanted to bring Sadie home. Sandy had met her. Multiple times in fact. And she'd been affectionate with Sadie and petted her and agreed with Jared that she was indeed a very good and sweet and pretty dog. But it always came down to the same thing. The apartment was too small.

He looked at Sadie's present cage. Sadie wouldn't have minded their apartment.

Sandy had implied that if Jared was earning a real salary somewhere, if they could afford a house with a yard, that maybe, someday …

Sadie's shiny brown eyes gleamed at him with unconditional affection.

Jensen'd been making small, deep, purr-like sounds. It blended with the other sounds yet stood out at the same time. Jared was locked into Sadie's liquid stare when he heard Jensen's voice from down the room.

"Your mommy dead," Jensen said softly to the kitten. His voice cracked slightly on the word 'dead.'

And Jared lost it.

The day had been too long. The night too cold. Sadie nudged her head into Jared's chest as it began to heave. Crap. Sandy was all he knew. They'd been together six years. He assumed he'd marry her. Start a family. This feeling that he didn't know her was eating him up inside like acid burning through metal.

Distantly he heard a click and then strong arms surrounded him. He sank into the warmth and the firmness and dropped his head into the crease where Jensen's shoulder met his neck, blanketed by the soft fabric of the hood. It pulled the hood to one side but Jared didn't look up. Didn't want to move. Jensen was on his knees and started rocking back and forth slightly, taking Jared with him.

He inhaled and smelled Jensen's clean earthiness and the soothing tang of the animals around him. Sadie whimpered and nosed them both. Jared tried to force himself together. Gave out a shaky half laugh.

"Right." He sniffed in and smushed his face into Jensen's shoulder knowing he was getting snot all over his friendbut not caring. He tried again and breathed in hard. "God, I'm a mess."

Jensen pulled back but kept his hand on Jared's biceps. For the briefest moment they were level and Jared caught that green glimmer again and a swatch of reddish beard before Jensen looked down and the shadows took over.

Jared petted the top of Sadie's head. She was worried about him. He looked up at the squeeze upon his arm. So was Jensen. A strangled laugh came out. "It's funny. I keep thinking I have to take care of _you_." He stood slowly, taking hold of Jensen's warm hand as they came up together. He swiped at his wet eyes. "Yeah. Not so much."

Sadie danced around his leg. Jensen looked down at her. "This is Sadie."

Jensen squatted down and Sadie leaned in and licked his face within the hoodie and Jensen giggled and Jared freaking started to cry again. God. What was wrong with him? Even though he hadn't made a sound both Sadie and Jensen immediately looked up.

Once again he found himself wrapped in a tight hug.

It wasn't until Jared's breathing had slowed and evened that he realized that his hands had crept up and inside the back of Jensen's jacket and were kneading the surprisingly firm muscles of his back through the thin tee-shirt. They were touching chest to thigh and his breath hitched quick. He yanked back as if burned because comfort had just turned to … to … oh god … what the _hell_ was he doing?

"I … I'm sorry. I … "

"Jared?" Jensen sounded confused. Of course he was. Because Jensen had been trying to be a friend. And Jared had just jumped like Jensen had electrocuted him. Which he had. But that was … oh god.

"I … I'm okay. I'm just. There's stuff going on at home. With Sandy. But it doesn't … it's not … "

He was babbling. He knew this. Get a grip, Padalecki.

Jensen took his hand and squeezed once before letting go. He turned to the side. "Did Beast make trouble?"

"What?"

"With … Sandy? Girl not like Beast."

"No. I mean, yeah, she yelled at you that first time. But I told you it's because she wasn't expecting anybody there. You surprised her. My problems with Sandy, they don't have anything to do with you. It's about us." He paused. "About me." He lowered his hand back to Sadie's bobbing head. "She … doesn't see Sadie. Doesn't see that kitten." _Doesn't see you_. "Like I do. And that … hurts."

Jensen tilted his hood. "Kitten beautiful." He took a step closer. "Like Jared."

"Like you."

Jensen nodded no furiously. "No. You … wrong. Ugly. Beast ugly. Hideous."

Jared was out of tears. Which was good. Because this was breaking his heart. "I will not argue with you, Jensen. Don't have the strength. But you are so wrong."

Jensen squirmed. Jared took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders and pushed all his crap back inside. "Let's get back to what's important," he said with resolve. "You said the men at that restaurant were putting out poison for the stray cats?"

"Yes. Saw … they all dead. Belle's mother. Gray, like her."

"Belle?"

"Kitten. Beautiful. Name her Belle." A hesitation. "Is okay?"

Jared's lips curved up for what felt like the first time in years. "Yeah. Belle. That's better than okay. It's perfect."

– – –

The restaurant turned out to be a divey diner about a half mile away. It wasn't one Jared had eaten at or ordered from before but that wasn't surprising given how many similar restaurants there were in the area. It was a nondescript place with a standard menu of burgers and sandwiches and delivery service. Jared peered into the window and made out some booths along the wall and a smattering of wooden tables in the center. It sported some sort of flag motif with red, white and blue stars decaled to the walls. The chairs were placed upside-down upon the tables and the floor was tiled and clean.

So much for appearances. Jared turned to Jensen. "Show me."

He followed Jensen around the side of the restaurant to an alley where there were metal double cellar doors and numerous trash bins. A large dumpster stood against the brick siding. He pulled out the flashlights they'd taken from the shelter and checked some of the darker corners. A mouse scurried by but otherwise there was nothing to see.

"Gone now," Jensen said.

"What's gone? What did you see?"

Jensen pointed his flashlight behind the dumpster. "Here. Large gray cat. Dead. Three babies. And food. _Not_ garbage … " Jared watched Jensen struggling to find the words. It dawned on him that his way of speaking wasn't lack of education. It's like he had all the words. But they came out all mixed up. "Tray food." Jensen struggled again. "Food. In tray. Cats eat and die."

Jared nodded. Unfortunately, this wasn't unheard of. He'd had reports of such abuse before. They had some animals brought in post-poisoning. But they'd all died. Belle was a very lucky kitten.

"See me and yell."

Jared startled, not expecting Jensen to suddenly speak again. "The men who run the restaurant? Jensen those were the same men-?"

"Yes. Here eat. Scraps. They throw away, not stealing. They not want the food. Beast hungry. Not stealing."

"I know you don't steal. It's okay."

"Not understand why yell. No bother anyone. No one see … No scare anyone. Stay hidden." Jensen stopped and paced around in his near feline way, feet making almost no noise. "Now understand. Don't want kill Beast."

Jared's heart skipped. The restaurant workers hadn't wanted Jensen to eat the poisoned food. It would have been much harder to dispose of a dead body than a few dead cats. Those assholes had actually been trying to do a good thing when they dragged Jensen away. His head spun and he tottered slightly. Jensen's hand was on his arm steadying him.

"Jared. Beast careful. Know if food bad. No eat. No worry."

"Yeah. No worry," Jared repeated stupidly. Except he didn't mean it. And this was so unacceptable his mind had stopped even trying to come up with words to say how much. He shook his head. They were here for a reason. "Do you see any more containers left out?"

Jensen swept the area again slowly. After a few minutes he said. "No more. Will come back. Not right. Cats eat. Sometimes people, too. Dangerous. Have to stop."

Jared nodded but then thought of something. "Earlier tonight … did they see you back here, Jensen?"

Jensen looked away. Clearly he was avoiding the question. "Jensen? What happened?"

The hood turned back toward him. He felt eyes upon him again. "Big one … he saw. Yell at Beast."

This wasn't good. Jensen shouldn't be hanging around here any longer. Those guys' altruism may not last. They knew Jensen was homeless. Had no one. If he got in their way too much … Jared swallowed a burst of hysteria. Was it just too long a night? Was he being paranoid, turning some ordinary restaurateurs into potential murderers? But they had no qualms murdering the cats.

Jensen had his arms crossed and stood gazing at the dumpster. Jared couldn't see his face. But Jared knew there was nothing but steely resolve hidden there. He'd never be able to keep Jensen away from here. Crap. "How 'm I supposed to keep you safe?"

Jensen took a step closer. "Jared good. Too good. Beast be fine." He pointed to the dumpster. "Kill Belle's mother. Wrong. Have to stop." He paused, looked down and then back up. The street light was too far away to reach this alley. The shadow of the hood completely blanketed his face in darkness. Just the way Jensen liked it, Jared thought.

"Need do this," Jensen added. Voice sure and lucid and whiskey rough.

Jared squeezed his flashlight. One quick shift up and he'd be able to shine it at Jensen before he could move. He could see the beast. Jensen shifted to the side as if reading Jared's mind.

Jared shut off the flashlight. Felt like apologizing although he wasn't sure for what. "I have to go home," he said instead.

Jensen nodded his head.

"You still have my phone number?"

Jensen nodded again.

Jared stood in the alley unmoving. He had to go home. See Sandy. Salvage his life.

He had Jensen in a tight half grip before he could talk himself out of it. "Don't you dare let anything happen to you."

Something between a sigh and a laugh came out from beneath the hoodie. A warm palm touched his face very quickly before withdrawing.

Jared spun away and was running before he allowed himself another thought.

Sandy was in bed when he let himself in silently. Sophia was stretched out on the sofa. Great. He'd counted on that sofa. He didn't want to … He shook the thought away. It was wrong to not want to sleep with Sandy. She was his … she was Sandy. Same woman he'd loved for years. He was just overtired, stressed out.

He kicked off his shoes and padded into their bedroom. Sandy was lying on her side of the bed, facing away from his, pretty much in her usual sleep position. It was the most normal scene in the world. He'd come home to this dozens of times after late nights in the shelter taking care of one of their charges. And Sandy was good about that. Sure, she'd complain here and there. But not so much. Not all the time. She understood.

He remembered the losses. The ones they couldn't save. Her hands on his back, elsewhere, gentle, rubbing. Urging him to lie down and forget. _This is what's important, Jay. You, me._ And he'd sink into her and let it fade. But she hadn't meant the rest _wasn't_ important. She couldn't have.

Laying on the bed he started to turn toward her like he always did. Stopped. Went to turn the other way but that hurt, too. Finally, he lay on his back and stared at the ceiling, trying to still his mind. When he was little and would wake up from a nightmare and run into his parent's bedroom, his momma would say to imagine something really beautiful, to let it sit behind his eyelids until it burned and then his dreams would be beautiful, too.

Jared shut his eyes. Saw flashes of unfathomable green eyes and gray and downy fur and a kitten named Belle held tight against a beautiful heart. He held the image tight until the soft gray overpowered all and he succumbed to sleep.

– – –

Sandy was already out of bed by the time he woke up the next morning. He heard feminine voices outside.

"Soph, is it me? Am I being unreasonable?"

"You're a saint, Sandy. Trust me. Look I love puppies and kittens as much as the next person but Jared is obsessed. And letting that homeless guy in your home? Yet you are the one feeling like you were unreasonable? God, San, that guy was … wild … I … I'm still shaky just thinking about it. I can't believe you actually spoke to him."

"Not like I had a choice. He practically accosted me. Asking for Jared like they were friends or something. Thank goodness he seemed to buy that we were calling Jay, as if I ever would … Creepy, strange man."

"Thank goodness we called the cops."

"Mmm. And the worst part is that now that Jared's befriended him he thinks he can come over here and get a hand-out all the time. It's like putting out cat food in the alley. You know then the cats will be back. I tell Jay this, but he doesn't listen. But this is so much worse. Soph, Jay is hardly here. What if I'm alone the next time … "

Jared exited the bedroom. He knew he should feel outrage at this latest betrayal. But the sadness overwhelmed everything. "Sandy."

"Jared, you're up. I … do you want coffee?"

He took a mug and filled it, acknowledging Sophia with a nod. Sophia looked between them nervously. "I should go. Sandy, you gonna be okay?"

Sandy looked at her friend, smiled wanly. "Yes. Thank you. I'll call you later."

Sophia left without saying anything further.

Jared took a sip of his coffee and turned toward Sandy. "We should talk."

She seemed surprised that he'd spoken. "I was going to go for a run."

He nodded. "Okay. But before you go I need you to know something. About Jensen."

Her back straightened upon hearing Jensen's name. Brown eyes flew up to meet his, wary and suspicious.

Jared was only twenty-five years old yet he felt ancient. The tiredness pulled on his body like gravity on Jupiter. "He's not looking for hand-outs."

"I didn't—"

"Let me finish. He doesn't have much. I understand why you might have thought what you did. And I did give him some things. Clothes and a pair of sneakers." He stared at the coffee mug in his hand. "A cup of coffee."

Sandy's eyes followed his gesture to the coffee, her mouth twisted quickly before relaxing. He wanted to ignore it. But it was impossible to stop seeing now.

"I gave him very little. Practically nothing. Which was still more than he asked for. Because he asked for nothing." He walked a little closer, peered down, willed her to try to understand, because he'd loved her for six years and he didn't know how not to and every blink of her cool eyes were breaking his heart. "And do you know what he gave me?"

Her head tilted, brows scrunching, the question clearly unexpected and odd and for a moment he wondered if she even understood it. But then resolve entered her stare. "Gratitude? Jay, honey, you don't need to convince me of how good you are. I know this." She looked down. "It's hard sometimes. You care so damn much. And I … I just want to live my life, _our_ life."

He dropped onto the stool by the counter. Even sitting he towered over her. He could lift her with one hand. She was tiny and charming. She laughed and it sounded like singing. "Yes. Jensen was grateful. He thanked me. But that's not what he _gave_ me." His eyes locked with hers willing her to please hear him. To get this. "He gave me his trust." Jared jumped back off the seat, couldn't stay contained. "Sandy. Think about it. Think about him. What you saw. What his life must be like. When they dropped him off at the shelter, they shoved him toward me. Dumped him like garbage. Kicked him." He ran a hand through his hair. She'd taken a step back, eyes on him. "At first, I fought them about leaving him. I'm not so good. Not so perfect. I didn't know what to do. He huddled like a frightened animal. I'm six five, huge, a stranger. Yeah. I gave him a jacket and some clean boxers. Big fucking deal. That's nothing. So that trust … it … it was a _gift_."

She'd taken yet another step backward. Face pale and eyes wide and _fuck_ she still didn't get it.

"Sandy. You called the police." He couldn't believe he'd actually have to spell this out.

Her eyes darkened. "Yeah. I did. Because he wouldn't leave."

"He asked for me. You should have called _me_. You lied to him. God, Sandy, that was the worst kind of betrayal."

She laughed, high and nervous. "Betrayal? Now that's a bit melodramatic. He's a vagrant. I reported him. What did you expect me to do with him? Bring him up and make him coffee and let him watch movies with us? Jesus, Jared, grow up. I hardly _betrayed_ him."

"No. You betrayed me."

Sandy was silent, breathing hard. "I don't … I don't know what to say. I don't even know what we're fighting about anymore. Jared, what do you want from me?"

"I want … God, I want you not to have called the police. Not to have even _thought_ of it. I want to stop feeling like this. Because I can't … can't …"

She approached. Touched him with her hand. Her eyes glowed warm and his heart sped up and for a moment it looked like maybe she saw, felt … that it wasn't over. Because it couldn't be. What would he do? "Jay. What is this? How can he be so important? More important than … I _had_ to call the police. He's dangerous. He scares me. I don't want him near you, near _us_ anymore. What's this about really? What's bothering you? This can't be about some sick stranger dumped on your lap."

Jared had thought if you felt your heart stop you'd pass out. That you'd be dead. Yet here he was breathing. She looked at him intently, willing him to tell her something that hadn't yet been said. But he had no new words. They were speaking foreign tongues. They'd disconnected so completely the words would vanish before vibrating into sound. He took a deep breath and studied her, looking for that beauty he always thought she possessed.

"Sandy. In front of the building. When you saw Jensen. When he asked for me. Did you see anything other than a sick stranger? Even for a minute? Before you got scared. Before the fear took over. A second, a moment … did you see?"

Her head was shaking. "No. What else is there? That's all there is, Jared. He's more animal than human. Monstrous. Those eyes … Jared, it's not just me … Sophia, Chad. We all called the police because he's not safe."

"I don't care about Sophia and Chad. I wasn't in love with them."

She staggered. " _Wasn't_? What are you—you don't love me anymore? Is _that_ what this is about?"

"I don't know." Even thinking that he was no longer sure was like a knife in his chest.

Sandy sucked in air and turned her back to him. Her arms wrapped around herself. "I should … But I don't … I don't have anywhere to go."

"I'll stay in the shelter for a while."

"But there's no where to sleep."

"I'll take the sleeping bags outta storage."

He returned to the bedroom and tossed some items in a duffel, forcing his mind blank.

When he walked back into the living room she stood where she'd last been, arms still crossed tight. "You didn't even ask … " she said as he passed. "… if I still love you."

The bitterness in her voice wrapped around him as he worked his way down the stairs without looking back.

**Chapter 4**

Jared awakened to a high-pitched screech that set all the animals howling. _Misha_.

"It's okay. It's just me."

"Jared. Crap. You scared the carrot juice out of me. What are you doing here?"

"I … " Jared stopped. The words were too difficult, it was all too much. He sat up in his sleeping bag and leaned into his raised knees burying his head.

"Jay?" Misha squatted down and took him in a hug. "What's wrong?"

Jared held on. Didn't have a choice. If he said it then it would be true. He didn't know if he could face this yet. "I … left. Misha … I left Sandy."

Misha's sharp intake of air sounded loud this close to Jared's ears. Jared sensed the other man composing himself. "Well. I mean I knew something … but still, I didn't think … C'mon, let's get you up. I'll make us some coffee. Or … I can run and bring back some breakfast. We can't both leave but I'll bring it back, okay?"

"Coffee's enough. For now. Thanks Mish. I … I'm gonna go shower."

He rose and rummaged through the duffle he'd thrown together quickly last night. Taking some clean clothes he disappeared into the bathroom.

Jensen had showered here. Later, Jared had noticed that Jensen had cleaned up after himself just as he had done in Jared's apartment. _He's more animal than human. Monstrous_. Sandy's voice played in his head. How could they see such different things? What did that mean? Was it him? Was Jared confused? But Misha, Alison … they understood. At least it appeared they did. Maybe he needed to confirm this. After all, Sandy wasn't alone in her thinking, he knew this. Chad and Sophia. The police officers. They all saw a beast.

And Jared saw an angel.

Somebody was crazy.

A mug was thrust at him as he walked back into the front reception area. Sadie danced at his feet. Jared had let her out overnight, unable to deal with the overwhelming loneliness, welcoming the dog's warmth beside him. "Black, extra sugar, just like you like it."

Jared took a jarring sip and felt himself come that much more alive. He petted Sadie. "You get the rest?"

"Yep. Everyone's fed. I took out Woodward and Bernstein. Still need to walk Hamill. Figured you'd want to take Sadie out for a run."

Jared smiled. They named all their charges. Sometimes they followed themes. Famous journalists was up now. "How's Belle?"

Misha looked at him confused. Oh. That's right, Misha didn't know. "The new kitten. Jensen named her Belle." Misha's eyes widened at this. Jared continued. "Because she's beautiful."

He was met with a warm blue stare. "She is that. Has Jensen been back?"

Jared snorted. Yeah. You could say that. He dropped into the stool behind their high reception counter and shared recent events with his friend. Misha stayed quiet throughout the telling, only his eyes giving away any emotions or reaction.

Very softly Misha said, "They shouldn't have done that."

Jared sighed a breath of release. It was so important to know that he wasn't alone. That someone else would also think it wrong that they'd called the cops on Jensen. But Misha's next words chilled him.

"But Jared, maybe … maybe you should have let them take him to the hospital. I mean … he needs help. And you can't … Is he really better off in the streets? It just seems so dangerous out there."

Jared couldn't fault this. It _was_ dangerous. And Jensen was purposely spying on men who already wished him harm. Who'd kicked him and threatened him. An icy band wrapped around his heart. "I know. It's just … I got a glimpse. He was so scared, Misha. You could imagine what they'd do to him at a facility. Off the bat they'd strip him, put him in one of those hospital gowns. Expose him. It's his greatest fear. I can't imagine what he'd do if they forced him. At best he'd be drugged to within an inch of his life. Misha … they'd turn him into what everyone accuses him of being. What he believes himself to be. Except he's not. He's _so_ not."

"I know. I know what you believe and that's good enough for me."

Jared looked at his friend. God. If only … if only Sandy had said something like that. She didn't have to believe in Jensen. It would have been enough if she'd just believed in Jared.

The sadness filled his eyes.

Misha sensed it. "I'm sorry, Jay."

Jared tried to snap himself out of it. Forced a partial smile. "Not your fault. Nobody's fault. Just … Just woke up, I guess. Saw things as they are."

Misha rose and returned to the office to wash out their mugs in the exam room's sink. "The restaurant? White Star? I think I know it. Over on eleventh?"

Jared trailed behind him. "Yeah. That's the one. Bastards are putting poison out. What do you think?"

"Can't do much without evidence. You didn't see anything?"

"No. Nothing. Must have cleaned up after Jensen caught them. Maybe they'll stop. I hope so, but guys like that … odds are they'll do it again. Meanwhile Jensen's gotten it in his head to stake them out on his own. If they see him again … I don't … I can't let anything happen to him."

Misha looked at him long and hard. Shook his head slightly. "You can't stay here, Jay. Come home with me tonight."

"No. It's not fair to you and Tori. I'd be in the way. Besides, I'm fine here. Got a shower and my sleeping bag. Got Sadie. This place is home to me. You know that."

"You can't keep sleeping on the floor in that bag. Ruin your back."

"Nah. They're great quality." He blinked. This was the first time he'd ever spent the entire night in the sleeping bag. He'd bought them a couple of years ago. He loved camping. Loved hiking. Had gone many times with friends from school but never with Sandy. Eventually, she'd agreed. He knew it wasn't the kind of thing she'd be into normally. But he'd spent the money on good quality gear and planned just a weekend. Two nights where the city lights could be replaced with stars.

They'd rented a car and driven upstate. It was so beautiful. They were surrounded by mountains and trees and the sound of the nearby stream was lulling him as he lay next to her. He'd zipped their bags together and tried to get her to relax. But she was tense and uptight and couldn't fall asleep. Said it was too quiet and too cold and too creepy in the tent. He'd taken her outside then. Told her to just look up.

Because that's all it took for him. One look up. Made him feel one with the universe. Like the speck that he was and the specks out there were dancing together and the melody made his head feel like a balloon gone aloft.

She'd wrapped her arms tight around herself, nails scratching absently along her skin. "Baby … It's real pretty. All the stars. But I'm cold and I keep feeling bugs like they're all over me. I just … can't … " She'd looked up again. One last long look. Then she turned to him. Her eyes were black in the semidarkness. "I'd rather look at you. Just you and me and a room and a bed. There was a motel down the road, we passed it coming up. Please Jared. Why can't … why can't just you and me be enough?"

Despite the bite of disappointment, her words moved him. He'd pulled her to him and kissed her and he thought that it would be enough to look at her, too, she was so pretty. Lovely. He took down the tent and packed their supplies. She stood off to the side, helping with her things. She smiled crookedly at him and never again looked up.

Heaving the camping gear onto his shoulders he took once last look at the heavens. She was already walking ahead in front of him, flashlight beaming. Funny how she didn't seem afraid any longer. He'd allowed himself one last glance at the stars, eyes burning a moment with the need to stop and fall into the inky blackness. To stay. But then she'd turned and asked in a voice filled with impatience. "Are you coming? It's a long hike back and I'm so ready to get out of here."

" _Jared?_ "

Misha's voice shook the memory away. "I'm sorry. I'm fine, really. The sleeping bags are comfortable. I brought two, connected up they're roomy enough even for me." He tried to laugh and knew it fell short but it was all he had.

Sounds from the front caught both their attentions. Jared heard barking and stood up quickly. "Time for work."

– – –

Jared returned to the White Star diner later that evening. He wore a cap pulled over his head and even though he felt silly it was comforting to feel covered. The restaurant had several customers, spread out over four tables. There were a couple of folks waiting at the takeout counter. The phone kept ringing. He figured the takeout business was booming. He walked nonchalantly toward a takeout menu and held it up pretending to read it while gazing toward the back. He glanced at their schedule, they were open until midnight. Not so surprising for the location. Lots of restaurants were open all night.

The kitchen was partially visible above a high counter. He spotted the tall man that had been one of the two with Jensen that first night. Jared turned slightly and hid further behind the menu. He heard speaking in a foreign language – possibly Russian but he couldn't be certain. A woman was answering the phone taking the orders. Her English was accented but good. The restaurant in general looked slightly shabby but clean. Silently he replaced the menu, smiled to no one and walked back out.

He worked his way swiftly to the side. The streets were quiet as it was approaching ten o'clock. The alley was empty. The wind whipped garbage around but Jared didn't notice any open containers of food. He approached the large dumpster and peered behind it. Nothing. A hand suddenly touched him from behind and he jumped.

"Jensen! God, you scared me." Jensen retreated pulling his arm back and lowering his hooded head. Jared immediately softened his tone. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Just didn't expect … " He paused. Of course he expected. Just not that second. "How are you?" he asked finally.

Jensen ignored the question saying instead, "No poison."

Jared looked around. "Yes. I saw it seemed clean. Well, that's good." He looked his friend over. His clothing needed washing again. "After we're done here, can you come back to the shelter with me? We can do laundry. You can take a shower again."

Jensen tilted his hood. "Shelter closed. Too late."

"No. It'll be open. I … I'm sleeping there."

Jensen seemed to be staring at him. It was too dark to see even an outline inside the hood. "No Jared. Go home. Girl waiting."

Jared chuckled with no mirth. Right. Girl. "I … can't go home right now. You wouldn't under—" He stopped himself. He was doing it again. Treating Jensen like he was dumb. He took a deep breath. "I left Sandy."

Wow, those words were hard to get out.

Jensen touched his arm slightly. "Jared. No. Go back. Tell her go away Beast. Not come any more. Never bother her. You go home."

Jensen was many things but stupid wasn't one of them. Jared wouldn't insult that intelligence by telling him that he had nothing to do with this. But it was important Jensen understand. "Her reaction to you. Calling the police. Yeah, that's part of it. But it's not your fault. It showed me something about myself. About Sandy. About our relationship. About the way we view things." He came a little closer to Jensen, leaned his head down. He damned the dark and wished for the millionth time he could see into the man's eyes. "She sees a beast. I see. You."

Jensen stepped back and put his arms around himself defensively. His breathing was distinct and Jared could sense the other man's will to be understood, to speak clearly. "Jared, you are wrong."

Jared invaded Jensen's space. He peered into the blackness beneath the hood. "Show me."

"You wish to see the Beast?" Jensen asked in a voice so soft it landed like a single drop in a large puddle.

And then all hell broke loose.

"You! I tell you not to come round here no more. No food. No food for you!"

Jared startled. "Hey, relax it's—"

The man emerged from the cellar doors, continuing to yell only now in a foreign tongue. A second figure followed. Jared recognized the first as the shorter man that had originally brought Jensen to the shelter. The other he'd never seen before. He was wiry with a buzz-cut head and circled Jensen and Jared slowly.

Jensen crouched down defensively. He snarled low and deep and it echoed within the alley walls. The buzzed man's hand snaked to his waistband. "What the hell? You're bringing your friends now? This ain't no buffet."

This man's accent was American. Jared pounced on potentially easier communication and thought maybe he could talk them out of this. "I was just meeting my friend. We're leaving now."

"Fuck you. Junkies looking for an easy score to pay for your next hit. We ain't getting robbed again!"

Whoa. Jared wasn't prepared for the intense hatred coming at him. Jensen faced this daily? "We're not—" But his reply was cut off because the restaurant's back door swung open and the tall cook appeared.

"You again!" he shouted immediately. He glanced at Jared but all his rage was directed at Jensen.

Vicious laughter. "Shoulda let him eat the cat food."

Jared was distracted from the revulsion these words brought as the three men herded Jensen and him toward the alley's dead end. His eyes fastened on the baseball bat the tall man was holding. Adrenaline spiked his system. Jared was a big guy. And that was enough to keep him out of fights. Nobody messed with him. The last physical altercation he'd been in was when he was eleven. Definitely pre-growth spurt. Instinctively he tried to shield Jensen but Jensen kept moving, trying to get in front of Jared. They were stuck in a slow motion dance.

There was no further back to go. Jared chanced a look at the alley mouth, hoping for a familiar blue and white car. Except. Jensen and cops would be a bad idea. Jared tried to quell his fear. This was ridiculous. These men had no cause to hurt them. He tried again. "Look. We'll go now. Nobody has to get hurt. Just let us go."

The young one glared at him. "Shoulda thought of that before you tried to rob us, you freaks."

Jensen snarled louder and shifted a step closer to Jared. The little movement triggered the tall man and he swung his bat at Jared's head, but its downward arc was broken by a roaring blur that knocked Jared's attacker sideways.

Jared yelped as his hip took the brunt of the blow. There was no time to think as he was knocked backward by the little man cursing in a mix of English and his native tongue. Unprepared, the weight of the assault threw Jared sideways against a dumpster, and he swore at the pain of the rough metal edge smashing into his ribs.

He shoved his attacker away, not wanting to hurt the man, just needing to get Jensen and him out of here.

"Jensen!"

Jensen and the tall cook were chest to chest, the bat upright above them, both struggling to wrest it away from the other. But the animal howls coming from Jensen sent shivers through Jared … was this what everyone else saw?

The third man, the one who spoke fluent English, was hanging back to see which of his friends needed his help more. The bulldozer plowed into Jared again and once more he crashed into the lip of the refuse container.

"Shit!"

Almost unconsciously Jared drew back his arm and punched the man in the face. His knuckles flared with pain as the man's head snapped back and he went down.

Then he saw the flicker of the blade in the buzz-cut man's hand as he charged at Jared. _Fuck_. _He was in over his head_ … There was a semi-crushed cardboard box sticking out of the other dumpster. Jared lunged for it, held out with both hands to shield his body as the knife wielder charged.

Thunk of metal. Ripping of cardboard. Jared didn't even realize where his impromptu dance was taking him until he backed into Jensen and the tall man fighting over the bat. The impact caused him to drop his protection.

"He's got a knife!" he yelled, glimpsing Jensen's unprotected back as the wicked steel was thrust at Jared.

Physically in contact with the other two, Jared felt Jensen's surge as he yowled and jerked and the bat fell to the ground as the cook screamed, "He bit me!"

Jared's brain cried _this isn't happening_ , even as his world stuttered to slow motion and he saw Jensen turn, throw his body in front of Jared's, and the knife pierce his chest.

"NO!"

Like in a nightmare time sped up and Jared lifted the baseball bat and brought it down on the shoulder of the man with the knife … the horrific crunch of bone melded with the sound of pain rising from the kneeling Jensen who was clutching his chest …

"Come on, we gotta move! Jensen, come with me! Please!"

Jared knew he was on the edge of panic, but they had to get away before the cops …

He pulled Jensen to his feet. Blood was soaking the front of the hoodie, coating Jensen's hands as Jared stared down at them.

Oh god, _oh god_ …

The man Jensen had bit was bent over his arm screaming; the other two men were groaning on the ground. They had to get out now. Jared pulled his sweatshirt over his head and pressed it into Jensen's hands.

"Hold this against your wound. Hard."

Jensen was whining … like a wounded animal. Jared didn't want to think that. He put an arm around the slighter man, ignoring the stab of pain as he did so, and manhandled Jensen as gently as he could away from the restaurant.

Help, where could he go for help? He couldn't take Jensen to a hospital. He looked down to where Jensen was grasping the sweatshirt with trembling hands.

"Come on, Jensen, stay with me." Jared's head was practically touching the hoodie shielding Jensen's face. The whimper from within the concealment tore through Jared like he'd been knifed as well. If they could just make it the short distance back to the shelter.

Jared fumbled with his free hand for the cell phone in his pants pocket. Misha was on speed dial.

"Jared?" From the way he answered, Misha knew it must be an emergency for Jared to call this late.

"I need you at the shelter now, right away. And Alona, call her and tell her it's an emergency!"

– – –

Alona tried to examine Jared. "No. Take care of Jensen. He's bleeding. I'm okay."

"Jared. Let me call an ambulance … or we'll take a taxi to the ER. Please. I'm not a medical doctor. I'm a veterarian. This is crazy. Let me get you some proper medical attention."

Jensen started moving off the table, low growl deep in his throat.

Jared tried to stand, but slumped back. "No! Jensen stop, it's okay. No hospital. I promise. Let Alona look at you. She won't hurt you." He stifled his own groan. God, it hurt. He felt like, well, someone had taken a bat to him. There had to be bruises on his bruises.

Misha came over and touched Jared's arm. "I'm okay. Just help me up."

With Misha's help he approached Jensen slowly. The front of his jacket was all red. _The knife flashing silver in the streetlamp, swishing by Jared's face as Jensen leapt and …_

Alona turned to Jared, her voice low. "We have to take this off him. He might need stitches. I need to see the wound. See where it struck … Jared …" Her voice was unnaturally high.

He motioned her back with his arm. Approached Jensen and leaned in, spoke to him within the hood. "Please Jensen. Take it off. We won't yell. Won't be scared. I promise."

Jensen shook his head violently and pulled his arms around himself tighter. The motion made him whimper.

Misha appeared holding a towel. "Here, you can cover yourself with this."

Jared looked at Misha with gratitude. "Yeah, buddy, that'll work, right? We won't see you. Here."

Jensen took the towel and with Jared's help held it over his head, he lowered the hood with his free hand and the towel replaced it quickly. Jared caught a shock of dark blonde hair. Alona approached and slowly took the ruined hoodie off. The tee-shirt beneath was also coated in blood. Jared fought back his fear.

Misha moved Jared to the side, and Alona lifted up Jensen's ruined tee-shirt and continued her examination. She thoroughly cleansed the bloody gash with peroxide, Jensen hissed at the sting. "Okay," she said when done. "The bleeding has stopped. Your first aid was good, Jared." She applied antiseptic. "Now, Jensen, take a deep breath for me because this will pinch a little. It doesn't look like it nicked anything vital, and it isn't very deep. I'm going to put on a butterfly bandage. It should heal fine." Jensen let out a little sound as Alona pulled the skin tightly together. She applied another larger bandage over it so that it would stay dry when he showered. "Your clothing is ruined. Do you have anything to change into?"

Jensen nodded yes and the towel surrounding his face bobbed up and down. "Jared," he said.

"Yeah. I'm here."

"No," Jensen sounded frustrated. "Take care Jared."

Alona smiled grimly and approached Jared. "Okay, tough guy. Let's see the damage."

Jared stripped off his shirt and grimaced as Alona gingerly worked her fingers over his bruises. "Nothing feels broken. You should get an X-ray. C'mon."

She managed to maneuver him on the table that was intended to hold a large dog, not a man the size of Jared. Somehow they made it work. Soon she was examining his images.

"Looks okay. I'm just going to tape them up. It'll hurt like hell for a few days though."

Jared grimaced as Alona finished wrapping his ribs. Yeah. Tell him something he didn't know. Jesus, he wanted to go home. He stared at Jensen. He was homeless now like Jensen.

Misha seemed to read his mind. "Come home with me. Tori would kill me if I left you here."

God he wanted that. Wanted Misha to take care of him and give him a warm bed and tuck him in and … His eyes fell back on Jensen, sitting quietly on the examining table, head shrouded in a towel. He remembered being a little boy with a head cold and his momma filling a large bowl with hot, steaming water. She'd put a towel over him and he'd hide inside it and lean into the warm steam and breathe deeply and it would fill his phlegm-filled throat and make him feel loose and safe.

"I can't Misha. I can't leave—"

"Bring him, too. You can't stay here."

Jared looked down at himself and then at Jensen. They were a mess. He couldn't do this to Victoria. Or Misha. They were good people but this was his … he was thinking problem but that's not what it was. A flash of green reached him before Jensen ducked his head down again. He didn't know what this was, but it wasn't a problem.

"No. Misha. We're fine now. Really. I need to wash up. I'll make sure Jensen does, too. We'll be fine here tonight. It's not like we were followed. I'll lock up."

Alona looked shocked. "But … you can't stay here. Jay, where you will sleep? And what about Sandy—"

 

Misha met her eyes and nodded 'no' silently. Alona didn't say anything further but her eyes roamed back and forth between Jared and Jensen once before biting down on her lower lip. She rummaged in her bag and handed a pill bottle to Jared. "Here. Take a couple if it hurts." She looked toward Jensen. "I'm sorry I can't – we don't have a medical history … But I think he should be fine with Tylenol. Keep the wound dry. If you see any swelling or severe redness call me." She saw Jared's worried gaze at Jensen. Met his eyes. "He'll be fine. Jay … what … will you be okay?"

Jared nodded. Took her in a soft hug. "Thanks. Thanks for helping him. Helping me."

"You don't have to thank me." She pulled back and leaned in. "I hope you know what you're doing, Jared."

She met Misha's eyes and together they walked out. Jared locked the door behind them, lowering the shade. Suddenly nervous he hurried back to double check that the back door was also locked. Jensen was standing when Jared returned. He pointed to the back where the cages were. "Belle?"

Jared smiled. "Sure. She's probably sleeping but go on. Say hi to Sadie, too. I'm going to take a shower. Then it'll be your turn, okay?"

Jensen nodded and walked toward the cages. There was some half-hearted barking before he heard Sadie's familiar greeting. Jared disappeared into the shower stall. He was fast because he wanted to be sure there'd be enough hot water for both of them.

He dried off quickly and slipped into clean scrubs he kept on hand. In the office he found the clothes he washed the last time Jensen was here. He ran his hand over the hoodie. It was Jared's old one, the one he'd given him the night they'd met.

Jared went into the back area and found Jensen sitting on the ground, Sadie at his side. The towel was draped around his neck and Jared could see the back of his head clearly. His hair was a dark blonde, almost brown. It seemed relatively short and he wondered when and how Jensen cut it. Sadie spotted him and sauntered over happily. He saw Jensen stiffen and quickly lift the towel up and over his head into a makeshift hood.

Jared squatted down despite his bruises complaining. "Hey girl. You been taking care of Jensen?"

Jensen stood. His motion was slow and awkward and Jared figured his chest must be hurting him. He was holding Belle and he put her gently back in her cage turning to Jared. He was hidden in the towel. Jared fought down his frustration at Jensen's ongoing mistrust. After everything he couldn't really believe that Jared would think him too ugly to look at, could he?

"Your turn," Jared said before he said something he shouldn't. "I left you clean clothes. I don't think there's much to save with yours. We'll pick up a few new things tomorrow." Jensen nodded and started toward the shower. Jared called after him. "Jensen. I … left a fresh razor … in case you needed it. I think … in the alley … I figured you got blood on your beard."

Silence. Jared wasn't sure Jensen would say anything but then he nodded again briskly.

"Do you … There's a mirror in the bathroom."

"No!" Jared started at the sudden yell. "No mirror. Can shave without."

Sadie whined at Jared's feet. Jared knew how she felt. "Jensen … I wouldn't want you to cut yourself. I won't come near you. I promise."

"Hate mirror."

It was spoken quietly but Jared had heard. He walked a little closer, Sadie dancing around his feet. "Why?"

"Ugly."

He stood behind Jensen and leaned his chin into the towel sighing deeply. "You know I don't believe that."

Jensen shook himself free. "She said ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly inside. Ugly outside. Beast." His voice had become so guttural the words came out as a growl.

"Who told you that?" Jared asked into Jensen's retreating back.

"The witch."

**Chapter 5**

Jensen emerged from his shower dressed in his usual garb – sweats and the ever present hoodie jacket. His feet were bare. Jared was struck once more by the contrast of pale skin against the colorless gray floor.

Even though he knew he was wasting his time he tried once more to offer something comfortable to sleep in. "We keep some scrubs here. They're good to sleep in."

As expected Jensen shook his head.

"What about just the pants?" Jared tried again.

The hood tilted in Jensen's considering pose. Jared knew that until they did some shopping again Jensen was down to one pair of sweats. He wasn't surprised when Jensen accepted the light cotton pants and disappeared into the office.

When he came out he sat on the floor, knees up, head down. After a few moments he started to rock.

Jared came closer slowly. He was starting to get pretty fluent in Jensen's special language. He dropped next to him. "Hey. It's okay."

The hood shook no.

"Yeah. Well, it will be."

A sound suspiciously like a sniffle came from Jensen's vicinity.

Jared shivered. He really thought he could stand anything other than Jensen crying. He put his arm around the other man and pulled him sideways toward his shoulder. "It'll be fine."

"Jared hurt," Jensen said, voice feather soft.

"You, too."

Jared felt a shrug under his arm. "Jared hurt," Jensen repeated stronger. "Beast's fault."

Okay, there was something worse than Jensen crying.

"You aren't a beast. And it's not your fault. None of this is your fault. It never was."

Jensen shook free and suddenly stood. "Hurt Jared. Could have—and girl mad and sleep here. Not right. Jared have home. Have girl. Beautiful … she is. Go home. Please go home."

Jared stayed on the floor, leaned into his own knees. "It's not that simple. Yes, she's beautiful. But that's not what this is about. I don't … " He took a deep breath. "I've been ignoring things for years, Jensen. She was comfortable and safe. But that's not what—it's supposed to be more. I want to feel more." He looked up at his shrouded friend. "Have you ever been in love?"

Jared felt eyes upon him for a long moment before Jensen turned away. His answer was barely a whisper. "Who love Beast?"

Jared struggled to hear Jensen's words. But he heard enough and felt sad and helpless and too tired to say anything further.

"We should sleep," Jared said finally, rising. "I've got sleeping bags in the exam room."

Jensen followed silently. The room was chilly. The wind outside had picked up and blended with the slight whines coming from the animals in their pens. Jared thought about freeing Sadie but then decided against it. He didn't know how Jensen would react if Sadie wanted to curl up with him. Jared stared at the connected sleeping bags. He should unzip them apart.

He should.

But he didn't.

He pulled open the bag and motioned for Jensen to join him. The hood shook. "Beast sleep on floor."

"Yeah. Probably he could. But I want _Jensen_ to sleep in the bag."

Jensen hesitated and then slid in, tucking himself to one side. Jared noted the hood stayed on and sighed. "I'm going to take some pain killers. You need anything?"

Jensen said no and Jared returned to the bathroom to down the pills Alona had left him. He hoped these weren't too strong. He wasn't used to painkillers and sometimes these things made him loopy.

Reentering the sleeping room he hit the light switch. The exam room was in the interior of the shelter. They were swathed in inky blackness. Last night he'd tripped on the way to the sleeping bag and only Sadie's quiet noises had guided him.

"Hey, Jen, say something so I can find you, okay?"

"Wh-at?"

"Talk so I find the bag."

"Here. This way come."

"Whoa!" Jared bumped into something hard and put his hand out. A few more steps and his foot felt the thickly padded lining of the sleeping bag. "Okay. Think I'm here. Can you see me at all, maybe guide me down?"

"No. Too dark. Less than shadow. But follow voice?"

"Yeah. I can do that. You have a great voice. Anyone ever tell you that?"

Jared could have sworn he heard a blush. He smiled and settled down, hip brushing Jensen's as he lay beside him. "Hey."

"Hey," Jensen repeated.

Jared wiggled. Fuck, he was sore. He shifted off his sore hip and laid facing Jensen in the dark.

"Hurt?" Jensen asked. Jared must have moaned. He didn't realize he'd been whining aloud.

"Yeah. Some. You?"

"Pulls."

The simple word reminded Jared of the knife slashing through the air aimed at him until Jensen leapt in front of it. It had struck Jensen's chest a few inches away from his heart. Jared could be staring at him in a morgue right now. Seeing his face for the first time, _dead_.

He lifted up on his elbow and felt around quickly. Before he could stop himself he pulled Jensen's hood down. Jensen stiffened and grabbed Jared's wrist. Jared shook it off. "No. You will let me see you one day. It's too dark now. You're safe. But you will let me, Jensen. You could have been killed … you jumped in front of that knife …" His voice broke.

A hand cupped his cheek, warm and firm. "Not let hurt … "

Jared raised his hand slowly, seeking Jensen's face. Soft hair against his fingertips. Warm breath caressed his face. Nothing but black surrounded him as Jared focused all his perceptions to his hands. He didn't know how much Jensen would allow so Jared kept his fingers barely there … ghosting over Jensen's face.

He had shaven. The skin was smooth but still textured. Male. It had been a long time since Jared had felt this in such an intimate way. He worked his way down until his thumb landed on soft fleshy skin. Wow. Jensen's lips felt full and soft and …

Jensen sighed and his mouth closed gently on Jared's thumb. The slight sucking sensation went straight to Jared's groin like a heat-seeking missile. His head felt fuzzy and he knew the meds were probably kicking in but in that second nothing existed but the fire flaring deep in his belly.

He put both hands on each side of Jensen's face and pulled him closer until their lips met. Soft, like a marshmallow and sweet and moist and Jared brought his teeth together and tugged at that fullness feeling it bunch and then slide against his own.

Holy crap. He was so hard, so fast he couldn't remember the last time his body reacted like this. Didn't know if he'd ever reacted like this. He licked along the part in Jensen's lips, coaxing, begging, his breath high in his throat. So hungry.

Jensen growled - a deep, throaty sound that vibrated his stomach and shifted Jared from hungry to fucking starving. He opened his mouth and took.

Jensen's tongue moved against his in quick darting bursts, rolling and sucking and seeking. He shifted until he was partially on top of Jared as they were cocooned in the sleeping bag. Jared stroked his hands down Jensen's back then worked his way inside the jacket from the bottom. Too much was between them. Too many layers. He pulled the zipper down and slid the jacket down Jensen's shoulders and mercifully it was off and then his hands roved under the edge of Jensen's tee-shirt to clutch at solid, defined muscle.

Jensen angled his head to deepen the kiss, grazing Jared's tongue and lips, alternating between long sucks and lazy strokes and tiny, playful bites. Jensen's hands tangled in Jared's hair, then moved lower and tugged at Jared's scrub top until Jared pulled back and yanked it over his head, ignoring the flare from his battered ribs as he did so. Warm hands stroked his chest, splayed over his heart. Jensen moved his lips from Jared's face and licked a trail from Jared's chin, suckling on his Adam's apple before moving lower and brushing his lips over Jared's nipples.

The wet heat made Jared gasp. Teeth started biting on his chest, nipping just this side of painful and fuck that felt good. There was something wild and harsh and unbridled about Jensen's movements. A mouth clamped back over his nipple and sucked hard, an almost desperate whimper coming from Jensen's throat.

Then Jensen inhaled sharply and placed his ear on Jared's chest. He stayed there. Still. Listening to Jared's rapid heartbeat.

Jared's head was cotton and bees buzzing and a happy, giddy, wild high that he hadn't felt since his school days when illegal substances had been involved. His hands moved on their own, tugging Jensen back up, kissing him again deep and dirty, pressing against him urgently to increase the friction.

He ran his hand down Jensen's chest and grabbed the bottom of the tee-shirt. "Take this off."

Jensen shrugged the shirt over his head. Jared felt him hovering, straddling him. Jared wished for a sliver of light, just so he could see. He knew how beautiful Jensen's body was by the feel of those defined muscles, the hollows of his abdomen. The sharpness of his hip bones. Jared sat up and ran his hands over Jensen's bare torso in the dark.

His fingers grazed the bandage and stopped. Despite the darkness he shut his eyes. Voice tight he asked, "Does it hurt?"

Jensen lifted Jared's hand away from his wound and placed it against his cheek. He shook his head 'no' into Jared's palm.

Jared kept his hand on Jensen's face. "You … you shouldn't have … if he'd stabbed you a couple of inches over, it would have hit your … "

A firm hand cupped Jared's face, thumb running down his cheek, hovering over his lips. Jared opened his mouth and sucked the tip of Jensen's thumb as Jensen had done earlier to him. "Do again," Jensen said before lowering down to kiss him. Jared didn't know if Jensen wanted another kiss or was saying he'd dive in front of a blade again but those too-perfect-to-be-real lips met his again and he was lost.

Jensen's tongue sought entry as he panted Jared's name and licked his way into his mouth. The need buried in Jensen's touch surged through Jared. How long had it been since Jensen had experienced intimacy with anyone? How long since Jensen had even been able to pleasure himself? How long since he'd been allowed any release? He was so hungry, so _vulnerable_. The tiny part of Jared that was still rational was fighting for attention. Wrong, it was shouting. He was taking advantage. He should stop.

He remembered how Jensen'd looked when they met.

His fingers came away wet from Jensen's cheek.

"Jen?" Reality fought with the drug-enhanced desire in his system. "Do you … want this? Do you like men?" Even as he asked he knew this was ridiculous because he'd felt Jensen's arousal against him, knew he was as turned on as himself.

"Don't … Too much … Not touch long time. So long. But … want … want Jared."

Jensen buried his face in Jared's neck and settled deeper between his thighs, bringing his cock into contact with Jared's through the thin material of the scrub pants. Jared rocked back, all hesitation gone. Jensen's hips were rutting desperately now, writhing and grinding downward, sliding their dicks together in a harsh, fast rhythm. Jared brought his arm down and kneaded Jensen's ass, urging him on.

"Jen. Yeah. Like that. So good."

"Ohohoh," Jensen puffed into his ear, tongue moving against his lobe.

Jared thrust up. "It's okay, Jen, let go, I got you … you're safe."

Jensen exhaled his name and kept his lips open, sucking into Jared's neck as he came in long, hot spurts, that went on and on, body shuddering as if a charge was put through him. Feeling Jensen come apart, tossed Jared over his own edge and his climax ripped out of him a moment later, pulling Jensen into a final kiss of that fabulous mouth as he trembled hot and sweaty beneath Jensen and a sticky wetness filled his pants. He held Jensen tight as he slowly came down.

"Wh .. at?" Jensen murmured again and Jared wasn't sure what he was asking and thought maybe he didn't know what had just happened.

"Jen, it's okay. You're okay. You just … had an orgasm." He chuckled slightly. "Um, me, too."

Jensen rolled off him and Jared sensed as Jensen put his hand between his own legs, touching the moisture. He turned back to Jared. "No, not ask that. That good, so good." Jared could feel Jensen's smile. "Who? You say and then … He … he does not …"

"Who are you talking about? He doesn't what?"

Jensen shook. Put a hand on Jared's chest and let it lay there. "Confused. Beast confused."

Fuck. They weren't back to _that_ again. "Hey. Enough with that." Jared reached out and pulled Jensen to him again, running his hands up his body. Stopping again at the bandage too damn close to his heart.

"I know beautiful when I feel it." He raised up and started ghosting his lips along Jensen's face again. He knew he was spaced out and tired but he'd be damned if he could feel anything wrong about Jensen's face. He hadn't really known what to expect … thought maybe scarring, that he'd feel puckered skin like from a burn. Of course, maybe he was just homely. It was impossible to tell by touch. Blind people did it, but Jared wasn't blind. Try as he might his fingers just weren't giving him an image.

The only thing Jared knew for sure was that he didn't goddamn care.

He reached over and found his discarded scrub top, using it to wipe himself off as best he could before handing it to Jensen to do the same.

"Jay?" Jared smiled upon hearing the nickname. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why Jared kiss Bee—uh, Jensen?"

Jared stiffened a moment. "Did you not want me to kiss you?"

Jensen sucked in air in an almost laugh. "Want Jared. Want Jared a lot. But why-?"

Jared's eyes were weighed down like something was clamping them closed. Between his orgasm and the painkillers his mind was shutting down. He yawned and pulled Jensen toward him. "You wanna know why I wanted you?" he asked more slur than words.

Jensen snuggled closer and Jared felt his head nod. Jared didn't have one answer and his mind was a swirling fog. "How could I not?" he asked finally before sleep pulled him in.

– – –

Jared groaned as he shifted his sore body against the unyielding tile floor. Ugh. Everything hurt. Why was he so damn achy? He didn't recall going to the gym. He turned his arm expecting to feel Sandy's soft curves and jumped.

_Jensen._

Everything returned in a mad rush and Jared fought to keep air in his lungs. What had he done? His heart pounded at the memories of angry men circling him, striking out, the bat connecting with his hip. The knife slicing through the air. Blood oozing. Mind numbing fear that he was going to lose … Jared jerked upright. He remembered what had happened after.

Jensen lay on his side, facing away from Jared. The light was dim but Jared made out short hair, precise color impossible to tell in the shadowy interior of the shelter. His eyes adjusted and more became clear. A slight curve of ear, a hint of cheekbone. Jared needed to see. He leaned over to get a full view, but his movement made Jensen stir and turn, eyes fluttering open.

A wide stare met Jared's stunned gaze.

"Holy fuck!"

Jensen sat up with a start. Immediately he buried his face into his knees and started rocking madly, making a keening noise.

Jared gulped air. He hadn't meant to frighten … it's just … He forced his mind to work. "Jensen," he said more agitated than he wanted. He sucked in another breath and tried to slow down. "Jen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I shouldn't have … it's just, you surprised me. I didn't expect … I mean you kept saying … so I thought … "

Jared reached out very slowly and feather light touched Jensen's hand. A soft growl came out and Jared felt the sadness to his bones. "I'm so sorry. How could you-? Oh, god, who did this to you?"

Ignoring whether it would be accepted, Jared came closer and took the other man in a sideways embrace. There was a moment of stiffening before Jensen's head dropped on Jared's shoulder. "It's okay. I didn't mean to yell. God, Jensen, how could you think — Jensen, look at me … please."

Jensen shook his head no and buried himself deeper, pressing his chin into his chest.

Jared tried again. "You're so wrong. I knew you'd be wrong, but I had no idea … "

Jared twisted out from inside the sleeping bag and settled himself in front of Jensen. Slowly he put his hand under the other man's chin and firmly lifted up. Huge eyes beneath girlishly long eyelashes locked onto Jared's. Again Jared was struck breathless, and he let out a helpless laugh.

"God, Jensen, you're the most beautiful human I've ever seen."

Full, bowed lips twisted into a frown. Didn't matter. Nothing marred that face. High cheekbones, strong chin with a slight cleft. Even, perfect features. Morning stubble and disheveled hair only added to that walked-off-a-billboard look. Nutty thoughts flitted through Jared's mind. Maybe Jensen was a model that had some sort of accident and lost his memory? Maybe he came from another planet where pretty was ugly and vice versa? Maybe he was Marilyn Munster in disguise?

Jared laughed again and he knew he was just about this side of hysterical but really could he be blamed? The hottest man on the planet was sitting in front of him frowning like Jared was crazy. _This?_ This was hidden in that hoodie all that time? Thoughts of last night returned and Jared's stare darkened. Oh god.

"Laugh at Beast," Jensen accused, turning his head.

Jared stared at him. Perfect profile. He was still sitting with his knees raised, partially blocking what he could now see was a pretty magnificent looking chest. Jesus, was there anything not scorchingly hot about this man? The desire to see all of him, naked, laid out before Jared flushed through him, heating him from the inside out. But then his eyes glimpsed the white of the bandage and his body instantly cooled.

His hand reached out and fingered the skin near the wound. Jensen looked down at this and tracked Jared's movements.

"No hurt," he said although Jared hadn't asked.

Jared's lips twisted in a half smile. "I wasn't laughing at you," he said after a moment. "You're gorgeous." Jensen looked like he was about to protest again but Jared kept going. "I don't know why you don't know this. Why you believe otherwise. Who told you were ugly?"

Wide eyes met his again. "The witch."

"Who was she?"

Jared wondered if this was his mother? If he'd been abused …

Jensen looked confused a moment. His brows crinkled together. "Old woman. Curse."

Jared stared back, also confused. Someone cursed at him? But then reason took over. It didn't matter how Jensen came to believe he was a beast. The more important part was that he stop believing it. Jared's mission in life was to make that so.

"C'mere," he said, putting his hand out to help Jensen up.

Standing, Jared palmed Jensen's cheek. He smiled when Jensen leaned into his touch. Jared knew they had a connection, hell, that had been there since the first minute. But touching … made it easier. He pulled Jensen into a hug. Bare chests touching, Jared fought back the stir he instantly felt. Still holding Jensen's hand he walked him slowly over to the light switch.

Leaning in, he whispered, "May I?"

Jensen shook a second, body tensing under Jared's one-armed grip. After a very long moment Jensen nodded minutely. Jared didn't wait for him to change his mind and flicked the overhead on. A slight crackle and then … Jared swallowed down another gasp.

A thousand details he'd missed in the murkiness came to brilliant clarity. Like a light being shined on a Renoir, the shadows and highlights reflected back at him to produce this breath-stealing visage. Freckles. A smattering over Jensen's nose and cheeks that glinted against translucently pale skin like gold dust. And his eyes. This shocking brilliant green that reminded Jared instantly of the woods he loved to traipse and explore and lose himself as completely as he felt himself drowning now.

Jensen tilted his head slightly up and met his eyes. "Jared not scared?"

Jared bit back another nearly hysterical laugh. It was just too absurd. He _was_ scared. Frightened that the feelings that were already out of control were now truly on a runaway track. "Jensen," he replied when he found his voice again. "I'm many things right now. Scared isn't quite at the top of the list. Unless you count scared of how I'm supposed to keep my hands off of you."

A pink blush slightly colored Jensen's too pale skin. He got more handsome which Jared would have thought impossible. But suddenly he imagined Jensen's skin warmed by the sun, maybe a little more weight on a frame almost too thin and the mental image _burned_. God. Was there such a thing as too beautiful?

Jensen stepped back with a puzzled look and ran a hand over his chin. "But … monster?"

"You're not a monster. Whoever told you this … they lied to you, Jensen."

He met Jensen's eyes again taking in that deep sadness. There were flecks of gold inside the green. Maybe it was simple. Maybe if you are treated like a beast long enough you start to believe it. Jared outlined Jensen's face again with his fingertips. He remembered doing this in the dark. He shut his eyes.

"Jen. I knew you were beautiful before I ever saw you. That has nothing to do with what you look like." He opened his eyes again and forced himself to ignore the tears tottering on Jensen's lower lids. He had to get this out. "That's why I …. care about you so much."

"Jared beautiful," Jensen said, a tear rolling slowly down his cheek. "Jensen never forget."

"Forget what?"

There was no answer. A voice called out from outside. "Jay?"

Jensen jumped away, scrambling frantically for his hoodie jacket. In seconds it was back on and he was hidden from the world. Jared felt the loss like a physical punch. He called out to Alison. "I'm in the exam room. Give me a few minutes to get dressed. Don't come back here until you see me, okay?"

"No problem."

Jared approached Jensen. "We can take turns showering and after I feed the animals I'll run out and get us some breakfast."

Jensen nodded.

Jared gently pulled the hood down filling himself with another long look. "Alison won't come back here. I promise. Hide from others, for now, if you have to, but not from me. Please?"

"Jared not yell. Not scared."

Jared smiled and gave in to what he'd wanted to do since he'd first seen Jensen. He cupped each side of Jensen's face and pressed their lips softly together. That incredible tingle raced up his spine. Jensen's mouth opened tentatively and Jared quickly deepened their connection. So good. Warm and moist and pillow soft. Licking slow and thorough into each other, sharing breaths like ebbing currents. Kissing Jensen filled Jared in a way he didn't even know he'd needed. It was passion and hunger and belonging.

It was home.

Jared let go reluctantly, felt Jensen's fingers pressing into his back as they pulled apart. "I know," he whispered, burying his face in Jensen's neck for another moment.

Jensen disappeared back into his hoodie and sat on the sleeping bag waiting for Jared to finish with the shower. Jared put their dirty clothes in the old washing machine but waited to start it until Jensen's shower was turned off. He took care of the animals. Jensen was still in the little washroom.

"Jen?"

"Damn— _OW_!"

Jared approached the shut door. "You okay?" He heard another muffled sound and turned the door knob. Jensen was standing with his back to the sink and looked like he had cut himself shaving. Jared's eyes flew to the mirror. He shut the door behind him. "It would be much easier if you'd look at yourself while doing that."

Jensen looked at Jared, eyes wide, "No … mirror no."

"Why Jensen?"

"Ugly. Ugly … can't … "

Jared sighed. "Jensen. You are so far from ugly. Turn around. We'll look together."

"No! Monster. Inside. Outside. Will see. No!"

Jared used a tissue to wipe away the spot of blood on Jensen's otherwise perfect cheek. He took the razor from Jensen's hand and slowly finished shaving him. Jensen allowed it with a soft sigh. When done, he wet a hand towel with warm water and wiped Jensen's face clean. He was struck again with how breathtaking Jensen was. Movie star good looks and yet afraid to look in a mirror. Living on the streets. Barely able to speak. Maybe he just hadn't seen himself cleaned up in a long time?

He leaned in again to capture Jensen's lips, feeling the soft skin beneath his fingers. Jared had shaved, too, and he felt Jensen sink deeper into him, angle his head to deepen their kiss. Not letting up the soft slip-side of his tongue against Jensen's, Jared spun them around slowly until they were both sideways to the mirror. He pushed back a hair and swallowed hard. "Jen … "

Jared looked sideways and caught their shared reflection. The world stopped a moment because seeing them locked in each other's arms stole Jared's breath. Jesus, they belonged together.

And then Jensen screamed.

Raw, guttural, pained snarls were mixed with words thrown out in staccato bursts as he tore himself away from Jared. "Beast. Ugly. Bad. Ugly … ugly. Thing. Monster … " He brought his fists up suddenly to pound at his reflection in the mirror.

Jared reacted as quickly as he could, grabbing Jensen's hands before he could hurt himself. "Stop. Jensen. Please."

Alison shouted to them. "Everything okay? What's wrong?"

Jensen yanked free and pulled the hood back. He peered out at Jared, eyes wild and unbridled. Jared reassured Alison. "It's fine. We're fine. Jensen's here with me. He … we're fine. Just give me another minute."

Jensen was snarling in short puffs. Jared blinked because for a second in the yellowish light of the bathroom Jensen's countenance did take on a menacing quality. His eyes went full gold and his grimace was tight and wild. The growl didn't help. Jared took a step back instinctively and Jensen stood taller. There was something almost triumphant in his stance.

Jensen's head jerked up and those fierce eyes were meeting Jared's head-on, daring him to see the beast. Jared had no doubt most people took one look and ran as fast as they could. Good thing Jared wasn't most people.

Full Texan in place, Jared drawled, "Uh-uh, buddy. Nice try. Ain't working."

One quick step and Jared pinned Jensen back against the bathroom door pushing the hood off and running his hand along the back of the other man's head, tangling his fingers in the hairs at the nape of Jensen's neck. He leaned in tight and whispered words against Jensen's face, lips brushing soft skin between each one.

"You … " _Nip_. "are … " _Lick_. "not a … " _Kiss_. "beast."

Jensen let out a soft moan that was decidedly less scary. Jared snaked his tongue into Jensen's mouth and kissed him slow and sweet, panting into each other until he felt the other man melt against him as his tension drained. Jared pulled away when he sensed Jensen was back from wherever horrid place that mirror had taken him.

Jensen buried himself in Jared's shoulder. "S … sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"Scare Jared."

Jared met Jensen's eyes again. They glowed a mossy green but the sunlight sparkles remained. His beast was merely tamed. It was far from gone. "You didn't scare me. You don't scare me. I … don't know what happened to you. Who the witch was. But she lied to you. That thing you see. That's not you."

Jensen squirmed uncomfortably at this. His shuttered look retreated to a dark place with invisible demons. Jared swore at that moment he would do whatever it took to defeat those inner monsters locking Jensen away from seeing himself. Jared held his hands on Jensen's shoulders. "Look at me." He waited until Jensen met his eyes, held his gaze. "Forget mirrors. Jen, you want to see yourself, look in my eyes."

Jensen's mouth parted slightly at this. His breath coming fast. He stared like he was trying to see into Jared's soul. "Jen?"

"He … he. Jared? I … I … "

Jensen's eyes rolled up and back, he went limp and Jared could not keep him upright. Before Jared could blink Jensen tumbled to the tile floor in a thud.

**Chapter 6**

"Is he okay?"

Jared was on the floor, Jensen in a fetal position across his lap, head burrowed into Jared's stomach. The hood was back up so Jared slipped his hand inside and gave a soft stroke at the side of Jensen's temple. He looked up into Alison's concerned blue gaze.

"Yeah. He will be. Just give us another minute."

Jared heard the small bell above the door. Alison dashed out front. He glanced at the clock on the wall. _Misha_.

He leaned down. "Jensen. Misha is here now, too. You remember him, right?"

He felt Jensen nod yes.

Voices wafted from the outer waiting area. Alison's higher pitch clearly worried. Snatches of words came through.

_What's he doing? … Bruises … More than … What do we …_

"Jared?"

Jared stopped hearing them outside. Attention back on Jensen. "Hey."

Jensen lifted up. The hood pushed back. Jensen didn't touch it. Jared was surprised at the intense green stare. "How do you feel?"

"Bee—Jensen fine."

"You fainted." Jared reached out and touched Jensen's cheek slightly. "Frightened me."

Jensen caught his hand and held it in place. "I … I saw." He shook his head and Jared dropped his hand. "No. Re—remem—"

"You remembered something?"

"Before … the witch."

"Jensen, do your memories begin with the witch?"

"Yes. Never more. Except. With you. I … He … Jen … you call."

Jared blinked. Jensen was reacting to his name being shortened. The way a loved one or family member would have. "What did you remember?"

"Woman. Not witch. Yellow hair. Blue eyes. Beautiful."

Jared smiled. "Like you."

"Jared. Who?"

"I don't know. But we're going to find out. We're going to get your life back. Tell me. Was she … kind in your memory?"

Jensen's lips curved in a soft smile. "Yes. Not mean. Not like witch. Not like everyone."

"Has everyone been mean to you?" Jared swallowed. It's not like he hadn't imagined this. But it was so hard to hear it confirmed.

Jensen held his gaze. "No. Not everyone."

"Jensen. When did you meet the witch? Do you know?"

Green eyes looked questioningly at him. "Long ago."

"How many years ago?"

Jensen's brows drew together as if he'd never considered this before. He stared at his fingers. "Year. Year. Year. Year. Year. Year. Year. Many, many years." He was holding out all ten fingers.

"And today you remembered _before_ her … for the first time?"

"Yes."

"Do you think the woman you remembered was family? Do you remember how you felt about her?"

The gold flecks twinkled as Jensen's eyes locked back with his. It took a long moment before he answered. "Safe. Like Jared. Only … not … " He looked down and color flushed his face.

Jared pulled his face back up. "Hey. It's okay. It wasn't sexual?"

Jensen shook his head no.

"Well. We have a start then. A blonde haired, blue eyed woman who loved you."

"No. No love Beast. No one love Beast. Ugly-"

Jared was tired of this argument. He leaned in and cut off the rest of Jensen's self flagellation with his lips. He intended just to distract but Jensen opened to him and their tongues met and he tasted like toothpaste and warmth and desire. Jensen moaned deep and scraped along Jared's jaw with his teeth until an answering moan erupted from Jared's throat. A sharp cough ripped them apart.

Jensen shuddered and yanked up his hood. He stood quickly and Jared rose as well and immediately shielded him with his body.

"Misha. I … we … " Jared sucked in air and ignored the venomous glare coming from the other man.

"Jared. A word. Now."

Jared turned to Jensen. "Jensen. I'm going to speak with Misha a moment. Um. Shelter business. Can you … wait here, please?" Jensen pointed toward the kennels. "Yeah. Sure. Go visit with Belle."

As soon as Jensen walked away Jared followed Misha to the small office. The door barely shut before Misha laid in on him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Misha—"

"No, Jared … this isn't … I can't even start with how wrong this is. What is wrong with you? How could you do this? Not even thinking of Sandy, your goddamn girlfriend for the past six years … that man is mentally ill. To take advantage that way. Jared, he _can't_ consent. He doesn't know-I can't even believe we're having this conversation."

Jared was taken aback. "I don't know what you think happened—"

Misha's eyes narrowed to laser beams. "I'll tell you what happened. You fucked someone who doesn't even know he's a human being."

The words struck Jared like a blow. He retreated backward, ass hitting his desk. "It's not like that. We didn't … "

 

"Jesus, I saw you. You were kissing him. The sleeping bag is still laying there reeking like goddamn sex. It's exactly like that."

Jared's anger flared. "No! It is not. I didn't … It didn't get that far. But you know what … even if it did … it's none of your business. That man, as you called him, has a name. And I'd never, never do anything Jensen didn't agree to. I would never hurt him. The fact that you could even think this … " He swallowed air quickly. His hip still hurt from last night and he rubbed it absentmindedly.

Misha caught the motion and softened. "Does it hurt?"

Jared ignored the question. Misha's words swirled through him. _Fuck_. Could there be anything to what the other man said? He knew he hadn't forced Jensen into anything. But Jared also knew how vulnerable Jen was. He'd even questioned himself about this.

Misha interrupted his thoughts. "Jared. I … I'm sorry I yelled. I know you'd never … You're the most compassionate person I've ever met. Your heart is like a well that doesn't quit. It's why I love you. But you have to separate your need to save from other feelings."

"You think I want to save Jensen?"

"Don't you?"

Jared didn't answer. He walked past Misha and went to check on his friend. Alison caught him before he entered the back area. "He insisted. Said he wanted to help."

He pushed through the swinging door. Jensen was deep inside a cage, cleaning it out. Jared passed the five cages he'd already cleaned. Fresh paper was laid out. The dog was brushed, fresh water in place. "Ally. Give us a minute in private, okay?"

She stepped out and Jared approached Jensen just as he backed out and filled a large trash bag. He seemed surprised to run into Jared.

"Helping," he said matter of factly.

"I can see that."

"Okay," Jensen said turning to the next cage.

"Wait." Jared pulled Jensen's arm and made him face him again. He slipped the hood down and tipped Jensen's head up so that he could see his eyes. It was a testament to how far they'd come that Jensen hardly reacted to this. "Thank you."

Something indescribable and unforgettable filled those gorgeous eyes before Jensen's face broke into a smile that warmed Jared to his core.

Jared returned to the front as Jensen put his hood back up and returned to work. He met Misha's questioning gaze and realized that he honestly didn't know how to answer him. He didn't know if he wanted to save Jensen or wanted Jensen to save him. And he no longer knew if there was a difference.

– – –

Jared stared at the phone for a long moment before dialing.

"Officer Morgan?" Jared repeated even though the deep voice had already stated his name.

"Yes. Can I help you?"

"This is … Jared Padalecki. We met a few days ago in front of my building. My friend was sitting outside my apartment house. He … you thought he was indigent. He wore a hoodie and, um, growled."

"I remember Mr. Padalecki. But I thought you said he was your cousin."

"Jared. Um. Call me Jared. Look, I … was hoping maybe you'd be willing to meet with me. Things aren't what they seem with Jensen. Officer Morgan I could use your help."

"I could give you the name of a good doctor—"

"No. That's not. Please, can we meet? It would be easier to explain in person."

There was hesitation. Then, "My shift ends at eight tonight. Do you know the midtown Starbucks on the east side of Sixth? Diagonal from the fountains?"

"Yeah. I'll be there. Thanks."

He looked up and Alison was staring at him. "Yeah?"

"I … there's nothing to do. Jensen cleaned all the cages and put out water and food."

Jared smiled. He was well aware of Jensen's efficiency. "I've got some paperwork to finish … maybe you can start taking them for walks?" Alison smiled and turned away. "Where's Jensen now?"

"I don't know. He left."

Jared jumped up. "What?"

Alison took a step back. "He … left Jared. I didn't know I was supposed to keep him here. He said goodbye." Her voice was shaky and Jared was instantly sorry he'd snapped at her.

"It's okay … I just. I'm sorry." He ran his hand through his hair fighting down the frustration. Jensen was an adult. And free. He could come and go as he pleased. He didn't owe Jared anything. He turned back to Ally. "Did he … say anything … leave any message for me?"

Alison looked at him with worry. "No. He just said, 'Jensen go now.' I … took that as goodbye."

Misha approached, kept his voice low. "Don't expect too much."

"I'm not … I don't know what you mean."

"Jared … " Misha walked back inside and Jared followed. Alison disappeared toward the cages and the men were alone. "It's not like you can have a normal … relationship with him. He's been alone a long time. The way he hides all the time. Jared, Jensen is a disturbed man."

Jared knew that Misha meant well. He knew his friend cared about him. But he didn't understand. Why was it that nobody understood? "I saw him."

Blue eyes pierced him. "You mean without—?"

"Yeah. This morning there was just enough light … he—he's beautiful Misha. I can't even begin to describe … But it's so much more than just his face. I don't know what happened to him. Someone told him he was ugly. Someone terrorized him. And he believed it. I need to find out what happened. I want to give him back his life."

"At the risk of losing yours? Jared, he's a human being. All people are complicated but he comes with a set of issues that—"

Jared turned, met the shorter man's eyes, his words coming out in a rush. "I know that. It's just that someone _did_ this to him. And nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to believe themselves unworthy of compassion. Nobody should believe they are too beastly to be seen. To be … cared for." He paused. Slowed down. "Misha, I'm not giving up my life. I just want to help Jensen find his."

"And if you succeed?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if you find who he is? What if it's not what you expect?"

"You're wrong. I already know who he _is_. We're just going to track down who he was."

"Semantics."

"Maybe. His last memories date back about ten years. A witch cursed him and told him he was a beast. Told him he was ugly. A monster."

Misha stared at him incredulously. "A witch."

"That's right. And I'm going to break that curse."

Jared was met with a half laugh. "Right. But you're not trying to save him, are you?"

– – –

Officer Morgan stood as soon as he spotted Jared approaching. Jared took the man's outstretched hand and returned the firm shake. It was unusual to be just about eye-to-eye with someone. Morgan was tall and broad, with a striking, angular face and neat salt and pepper beard. His deep brown eyes swept over him. Jared felt like all his secrets were instantly revealed. He fought back a blush and took a seat opposite the police officer.

"Mr. Padalecki, what can I do for you?"

"Please, call me Jared."

"Jared. Okay. Then please call me Jeff." The officer waited expectantly for Jared to get to the point. He picked up his coffee cup. "Do you want to get some coffee?"

It was chickenshit, but Jared rose quickly and took the few extra minutes of ordering and retrieving his latte to pull his thoughts together. All too soon he took his seat again and met the other man's questioning dark stare.

Jared started with the truth. "Jensen is not family." Jeff's eyebrows rose but he said nothing. "I met him recently. These men dropped him off at the shelter I run. The Safe Refuge over on 12th? It's an animal shelter." Jeff said nothing, clearly waiting for more. Jared sipped his latte, took a deep breath and then continued. "I tried to get him into a homeless shelter but there are these waiting lists. It was late on a Friday … nobody had an open bed. I couldn't … I couldn't just send him back to the streets. Those men … hadn't treated him well. So I helped him out some. Let him clean up."

Jeff interrupted. "Look. Kid. I can see you mean well but that man needs medical attention. There are lots of reasons why someone can end up homeless, from debts to gambling to a plain ol' spell of bad luck. But when it gets chronic like that it's almost always mental illness or drug or alcohol dependence or all three."

"No! Jensen doesn't drink. Doesn't do drugs. It's not like that. That's why … please, let me explain." The officer's brows rose at Jared's raised tone. Jared immediately lowered his voice. "Offic—Jeff, something happened to Jensen years ago. Someone … damaged him. And I want to find out … I was hoping you could maybe help me find out who he was."

"Who he was?" Jeff asked.

"Yes. His memory starts ten years ago." Jared stopped and looked Jeff directly in the eyes, searching for something, anything, that would show him that the other man could possibly accept this. "This will sound crazy," he said finally.

Jeff's lips quirked in a smile. "I've been a cop a long time. Nothing sounds crazy to me anymore."

Jared took a deep breath and made a decision. "A witch cursed Jensen. Turned him into a beast. When he looks in a mirror he sees a monster. Only … he's not a monster. He's … normal …" Jared fought back a hysterical laugh at the understatement but there was only so much he could share and telling this straight as a board policeman that Jared thought Jensen was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen probably wasn't the brightest idea.

Jeff's eyes darkened and he looked around a moment. "Did someone put you up to this? Because, really it's not funny."

God, Jeff thought it was a joke. "No. Please. Jensen told me this himself. I know how it sounds, but—"

Jeff's voice got soft and he leaned in as he spoke. "It sounds like the delusions of a mentally ill individual who should be getting psychiatric attention. Like I said on the phone. I can recommend some doctors over at County who are very compassionate."

"It's not a delusion. Something happened to him ten years ago. Someone _really_ told him this."

"How do you know this?"

"I … I just do. I felt … on his head … there's some scarring on his scalp, hidden by his hair. I think he hurt his head. It's why he speaks like he does. Not like a delusional person. But like someone who suffered a brain trauma."

"And the brain trauma is why he believes he's a character in a fairy tale?"

Jared looked sheepish. He was out of his element. It was all gut feeling and instinct and he had no proof of anything. Except. He knew. "I know my evidence is scanty … "

"More like nonexistent."

"Look. He had a memory the other day. I … called him Jen. You know, I shortened his name and it triggered this … almost seizure or something. When he came to he remembered someone from before the witch."

Jeff swilled down the last of his coffee and looked at his watch. "Look. I don't know what you think I could do. I'm not a medical doctor. Your … friend … needs a doctor. A psychiatrist. Therapy. Medication."

"No! He, needs his past back. His life. I was hoping you could take his fingerprints and run them through the system or whatever … help find him. There might be missing people reports we could match them up to, right? I don't … I don't know where to begin on this. I've never done anything like it. I mean, I take care of dogs and cats all day – this is … Please, Officer Morgan."

The officer stared at him a long moment before sighing audibly. "Where is Jensen now? Is he staying with you?"

Jared looked down. "No. I … don't live alone and Sandy and I … she wouldn't … He … Jensen was at the shelter but then he left. He's a free man. I don't … he comes to me when he wants."

"If you don't even know where he is then how—"

"I have a good idea how to find him. He's out trying to stop some cat poisoners."

"What?"

"Never mind. Long story. Look … I'll bring him to you. Just tell me where and when. Only, there can't be a lot of people around. He's afraid of people seeing him. Which is just so ridiculous because he's so … "

"So what?"

Jared met the other man's stare thinking of how to possibly answer this. _Gorgeous, beautiful, angelic_. "Good. He's a good guy. And he deserves his life back. Will you help us?"

Jeff considered him a long moment. Jared tried to read into his brown eyes, looking for the warmth he'd seen the day he'd met this police officer outside his building with Jensen growling at his feet. "I'm off duty day after tomorrow. Bring him round the precinct at night. Say nine o'clock. I'll meet you on the side entrance. We'll take his prints and run them through the computer. Will he let me take a photo?"

Jared shook his head no. "But I can take it and bring it to you. Will that be okay?"

Jeff nodded. "Look, if you're right about how long this guy's been, um, like this, then the trail's pretty cold. The more he can remember the better. Try to find out all you can. Do you know if Jensen is his first name or last?"

"First."

"He told you this?"

"No. I … just … It's definitely a first name."

"See if you can get a last name."

"Yeah. I'll try. But we can search even without one, right?"

Jeff rose and chucked his empty cup in the trash bin. "Yeah. We'll try, okay? Good luck and I'll see you Thursday."

Jared wanted to hug the man but held back knowing his enthusiasm would not be appreciated. Inside he was singing because finally they were on their way. Now he needed to track down Jensen. This sobered him quickly. Convincing Jensen to be photographed and go to the police station to be fingerprinted? He sighed deeply. Would be easier to get him to perform at Carnegie Hall.

– – –

Turns out Jensen came to find Jared.

It was the next day and Jared had been processing a new arrival to the shelter. A dog, about a year old, poodle mix. No collar. Looked like a drive-by dump. Maybe the owners were moving, maybe they just got tired of their pet. Sometimes it involved a job loss or some other lifestyle change. Some people came in honestly and tearfully, begging the shelter to find their pet another home. Some couldn't face it and just left the pet in a carrier in front of the door.

Jared didn't understand it. He never could. He never would. The little dog had chocolate brown eyes and a yippy high-pitched bark. Her little ringlets were a dirty shade of white. She'd checked out healthy, which was a relief, and was now perched on the counter content to let Jared tickle her soft pink belly.

He glanced up as the bell above the door tinkled and couldn't help the huge smile that filled his face.

"Jensen."

Jensen sauntered up holding out a clear plastic bag with something silver within. "Proof," he said firmly.

Jared jumped around the counter. "You found food containers?" His stomach clenched in fear that Jensen had returned to the restaurant, had faced the wrath of those men again. "Did anyone see you? Are you okay?"

Jensen was hiding behind his hood again, in the pale morning light Jared could only see shadow. This wouldn't do.

"Dammit. C'mon back with me." Jared picked up the little dog and moved swiftly through the swinging door to the interior. He heard footsteps behind him.

Once the poodle was back in her cage Jared turned back to Jensen. "Misha will be late. He's at the dentist. We're alone." Jared suddenly wondered how it was that Jensen's teeth seemed in such good shape when clearly he'd hadn't had access to care. There were so many things he couldn't understand about Jensen. But first things first. "How are you?"

Jensen's head tilted. And then, he pulled his hood down.

Jared's breath caught. Jensen had never done this on his own before. Something happened to him when their eyes met. Something he couldn't describe. Didn't really understand. He hadn't even realized he'd moved before his hands gripped the sides of Jensen's face and tilted him up to meet his lips. Yielding and warm and _everything_. The bagged food container fell to the ground with a soft plop as Jensen's arms instinctively lifted and curled around the back of Jared's head. The kiss deepened as Jensen moaned softly, lips rubbing eagerly against each other's as their bodies pressed tighter.

Jensen tasted of coffee and sunshine and toothpaste and want.

Jared sucked in air and buried his face into Jensen's neck, mumbling, "God, what do you do to me?"

Jensen pulled back. His eyes were moist as he looked at him with an expression somewhere between awe and worship and Jared wondered what his own eyes were reflecting back. Jared watched Jensen regain control, saw the deep breath fill his chest, his eyes force themselves from Jared's as he reached down for the bag he'd dropped.

They were going to have to talk about this eventually. But for now … "You think this is poisoned?" Jared asked as he took the bag from Jensen's hand.

"Yes." Jensen met his eyes again and they narrowed in anger. "Found another cat. Dead."

"Damn. I … I'm sorry you had to … but Jensen, you shouldn't have gone back there by yourself. Those men … they nearly killed you last time. And I … "

A hand wrapped around his arm. "I am fine. Made promise." Jared looked at him questioningly. "Made Jared promise to be safe. Careful was." He shook his head searching for words, his face scrunched in concentration. "No. Was careful." He squeezed his hand a little tighter around Jared's bicep. "Jared care."

Jared cupped Jensen's face because he seemed unable to stop touching him. He smiled. "Yeah, Jen, I care." He leaned in to give him another soft kiss. "I care a whole lot."

The front door tinkled and Jared jumped back as Sandy's voice called Jared's name. Jensen pulled away and raised his hood almost in one movement. "Jensen leave," he uttered quickly, reverting to third person.

"No. Wait. I have to talk to you about something—"

"Jared. There you—" Sandy stood staring, mouth still open about to shape words that never came. Instead she uttered a soft "Oh." It took a moment for her to compose herself but she pulled it together quickly.

"I was hoping we could talk," she said by way of greeting. Her eyes rose to catch his. "How've you been?" Before Jared could answer Sandy turned to Jensen. "Jensen," she said softly. "Would you mind if I speak to Jared privately?"

Her unexpected politeness disarmed Jared so completely he had to swallow hard before speaking. He smiled at Sandy, trying to show with his face how much it meant to him that she'd treated Jensen with respect. Years of their shared history crashed down on him, like a weight on his chest.

Jensen looked back and forth between them a long moment. His head tilted down. Jared felt like a magician had sliced his body in half. No matter what he did he'd only be half whole. "Jensen, I'll have the food tested. And I really do need to talk to you about something. Come back later. I'll be here ... " Sandy's intense stare made him aware of the importance of his next words. He needed to speak to Sandy. Needed to figure out what he was doing with his life. " … until we close at seven. Come back around then. Please."

Jensen didn't say anything. It hardly sounded like he was breathing. Until suddenly he darted toward the back door.

There was a moment when the world stopped. Sandy's eyes bore into him and he knew what walking away from her would mean, how much harder it would make things. But Jensen was leaving. He supposed it was a choice, only it didn't feel like one.

"Jensen wait." He turned to Sandy. "I … I have to … I'll be right back."

He chased after the retreating gray figure. Jared caught up to Jensen in the alley behind the shelter. He grabbed his arm and was startled by a deep returning growl. He jerked his arm away. "Stop a moment, please. Talk to me."

"Jared. Nothing to say. Girl back. Beast go."

"No. You can't … I found someone who can help. I need you to … trust me." He barely got the words out. Everything Misha accused him of came flashing back. His behavior was inexcusable. Reprehensible. He should never have touched this man. Oh god. How had it gone so far? "I'm sorry," he mumbled because he didn't know what else to say.

"No sorry," Jensen said softly. "Jared good."

Jared stared at him but all he saw was shadow. Jared didn't feel good. He felt like he was the monster. Jensen started walking away. "No. Wait. You have to meet me here tomorrow night. We … do you remember the police officer from the other night? He … he's a good guy Jensen. Really. And he promised to help us … help you figure out who you were."

Jensen shook his head and kept walking.

Jared felt desperate. He pulled out his secret weapon. "Jen. Wait. Please." Jensen stopped. "See. Whenever I call you that you … Before this. Before the Beast … you were someone else. Let's find out. Officer Morgan can help. Unofficially. He just wants to take your fingerprints. We'll go together. I'll be with you the whole time."

Jensen didn't reply. For a hopeless moment Jared thought that he'd lost. That Jensen would walk away and he'd never see him again. The thought felt black. Not like night. Like a void.

"Go to girl," Jensen said firmly. "She wait."

"Jensen … " He spoke the name in a rush, like a prayer.

The pause seemed interminable this time. "Will return."

Jared didn't say or do anything this time as Jensen walked away without ever looking back.

**Chapter 7**

Sandy stood exactly where Jared had left her. It appeared she hadn't moved a hair. Jared sucked in a deep breath before meeting her eyes.

"Jared," she began, her voice gentle and familiar and warm. "Come home. Please."

How easy would that be? This was what everyone wanted. Misha. Even Jensen. _Go to girl_.

The first time he ever saw Sandy was in his Intro to English Lit class. Admittedly, the first thing he'd noticed was her rack. Thing of beauty. But then she'd smiled and nodded toward the empty seat next to him with her chin. He smiled back and invited her to sit. He'd kept his gaze on her face after that. On eyes that lit up when she saw him and a smile that never failed to touch him.

They'd become fast friends. Best friends. The kind of love that feels like forever, if you never experience anything else.

Epiphanies are funny things. They don't always make you feel better. But they drown you in truth.

He felt content and safe and warm with her.

But he never _burned_.

Every cliché about playing with fire ran through his mind and he couldn't stop the tremble. Except, it was too late. Because now he _knew_ and he couldn't not know ever again.

"Sandy … " Her gorgeous eyes filled and he felt the sadness down to his bones. "I am so sorry."

She fell into his arms and they stood crying. He heard the bell from the front and worked at getting himself together.

"Jay?" Misha called out.

"I'm in the back. Sandy's here. Can you … give us a few minutes?"

"Of course. I'll man the front."

Sandy looked up at him, swiping at her eyes, smudging her makeup. "I don't … how long have you been unhappy?"

"It's not … I'm not unhappy. I wasn't. It's just that we both deserve it all. You, too, Sandy. You have so much going for you. I … I'm not enough."

She frowned. "That's not—"

"Yes. And you knew it, baby. You knew it years ago when you said you wanted us to date others. It hurt, when you said that. But a part of me knew even then … it's just that you didn't meet the right guy and we love each other. Always will. So it was easy … _easier_ … but, Sandy … you know this isn't it."

She stayed silent and eyed him like she was trying to see past him to the corridor behind. "Jay? Back then. You never talked about it … but I knew. You didn't … only date girls."

Jared wasn't really surprised at this question. He never knew what she knew for certain. But they had enough mutual friends that it was nearly impossible that she hadn't heard something. "I'm bi-sexual." It wasn't the first time he'd spoken the words aloud. There were some friends that knew, not to mention the guys he'd fooled around with. But it had been a long time ago. And he'd never admitted this to her. Her eyes widened and her gaze returned to where Jensen had disappeared. Jared waited, heart thundering.

"Jensen?"

He met her eyes. "Not until I moved out. It's not … " He stopped and ran a hand over his eyes to clear them. "It's something. I don't know what exactly. But it is. I'm sorry."

He went to hug her again but she pulled back. "No. I … Oh god." Her arms wrapped around herself tightly. "Jared, do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"Right now I just need to help him."

She nodded, seemed to process. She paced the space. "I'm not enough? But he … " She never finished, her voice laced with bitterness. "I stand no chance," she continued, but she no longer looked at Jared, seemed to be talking to herself. "I could never be that needy."

Jared didn't reply. He let her have this. It soothed and sounded true. Inside he fought a laugh at the irony. Because Jensen didn't need him. Never had.

It was Jared's heart that had started beating again only after Jensen said he'd be back.

Sandy offered him the couch in the apartment. Said it was insane to continue sleeping in the shelter on the floor. It was so tempting to accept. He missed her. She was his best friend. He wanted to get her advice and sink into her warm chest and share a quiet night watching TV. But behind the hurt he saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes and he couldn't do that to her. He really did love her. And he really did need to let her go.

Misha came to find Jared after Sandy left.

"Jay?"

Jared sat cross-legged before the cages, Sadie nudging her nose against his chin. He rubbed behind her ears, her fur warm and soft beneath his fingertips.

"Jay?" Misha asked again hesitantly.

" 'M okay."

"There's a couple who are interested in a kitten. I thought I'd bring them back to see Belle."

Jared startled at this. He rose quickly. "What?"

Misha carefully returned Sadie into her cage with a last pet. "Jared. The Emersons are outside. They want a kitten. They saw the notice we placed."

It was standard procedure to place a local ad to help place the newest arrivals. Jared shouldn't be surprised that someone was here for Belle. This was good news. She needed a home.

He nodded yes and Misha disappeared to return with a young couple. The woman cooed and ahhed as Misha lifted the small gray kitten from her cage. The man smiled indulgently but within minutes he, too, was besotted and speaking in baby talk. Jared had seen this scene play out thousands of times over his years working in shelters. It always warmed his heart.

Except this time.

Ice water flowed through his veins as he went through the standard paperwork. Truth be told, Misha did most of the work. Finally, they were done and the couple paid the last of their fees and was given their starter bag of kitten chow and samples of the more expensive boutique foods that helped stock their supplies each month in exchange for the shelter's endorsement.

Misha went to get the kitten but Jared stopped him. "I'll do it."

His friend looked at him but said nothing.

He held a cardboard carrier in one hand and the kitten in the other and stood before the couple. Their faces were beaming. "We named her Belle," he informed her new owners. Jared knew he was breaking protocol. Especially with a kitten, folks liked to do their own naming without undue influence. "She's a very lucky kitty."

The couple stared at him curiously now.

"Someone … amazing … saved her life. He literally risked his own in doing so. It would mean the world to him to know that you were taking her, offering her a safe home. More than he's … " He stopped himself, the new pet owners were staring at him now like he was just this side of nuts.

Misha took over. "What Jared's trying to say is that we are very happy our little charge has found a happy home. All the best." He took the kitten from Jared's hands and placed her gently in the carrier, securing her in and handing her over to Mrs. Emerson. She met Jared's eyes and said thank you.

They walked the couple to the door. Jared stood a moment as it closed behind them and walked quickly back behind the counter, landing on the stool with a thud. His eyes went moist. "Fuck," he let out softly.

"It's a good home."

Jared looked up at Misha. Nodded. "We broke up. It's … over."

There was a beat while Misha caught up. "I … I'm sorry, Jay."

"I know. I … it has to be this way. No use lying. Pretending. It's just that we've been together for years, you know? I've never really been alone." He swiped at his hair. "Guess I need to find a place to live. Can't stay here." He rubbed his lower back.

"My offer still stands."

"Thanks, Misha. I'll come over tonight."

He sensed Misha's hesitation before the man spoke again. "What about Jensen? You can't leave him here alone. You shouldn't have let him sleep here in the first place."

"Jensen won't be back tonight. I'll see him tomorrow, hopefully. I'm taking him to meet Jeff."

"Officer Jeff?"

"Yeah. He's going to fingerprint him. See if we can find any matching records or something."

Misha nodded. The bell rang and they dealt with more business forgoing any further conversation for a while. When Alison came in Jared asked her to get the allegedly poisoned food container tested in the University lab. She asked about Jensen but Jared simply said he wouldn't be around today.

The walk to Misha's that evening was quiet. Jared had his duffel and sleeping bag. He figured he could use it if the couch proved too uncomfortable. He couldn't impose on Misha and Victoria too long. He'd circled some potential apartments in the paper and found some possibilities online as well. Hopefully he'd have a place to live soon. _And then Jensen wouldn't have to sleep in the street any more_ , the needy part of his brain said. Except Jensen wasn't Sadie. Wasn't a pet. He lived and slept where he damn pleased.

– – –

Seven o'clock came and went the next day. Jensen never appeared. Misha paced a bit looking worriedly at Jared. At seven-thirty he said, "Tori's gonna be waiting on us for dinner."

"You go. I need to wait here."

"Jay, you said yourself how hard a sell it would be to get Jensen to agree to trust the police. You don't really think that he—"

"Yes. I do. He said he'd be back." He stared at his friend. "He will be." Jared ignored the nerves sizzling through his body fearing otherwise.

Again Jared sensed Misha carefully measuring his words. "These … feelings you have for him … Jay, you just made some difficult realizations about your relationship with Sandy. You're feeling hurt and confused. You're not in a position to start—"

"I know that! You think I don't? I know I shouldn'ta … "

"Jared?"

Jared jumped. _Jensen_. He must have entered through the back. Jared had purposely left it unlocked all day. It all disappeared. The worry doused by a blanket of relief like sand on a flame. Every promise he'd made to himself about boundaries and propriety and distance, vanished as if they were never made.

He took Jensen in a tight hug, drawing him flush and burying his head in the soft fabric surrounding his neck. "You came back," he murmured. Jensen stiffened a moment before melting into Jared's touch. The smaller man wrapped his arms around Jared's upper back and hugged back.

Jensen pulled back first, his hood dislodging as Jared slipped his hand beneath it to touch Jensen's cheek. A sharp intake of breath from Misha's direction made Jensen leap backward and turn abruptly, a small snarl escaping.

"No," Misha said voice slightly breathless. "It's not … Jared said you were … " He turned and met Jared's gaze. "You weren't exaggerating. He's like a model or something."

Jared laughed. "You hear that Jensen. See? Not just me that thinks this. You are gorgeous. Even the straight guy thinks it."

He was met with another little snarl which made Jared laugh again. He moved to stand before Jensen again, whose back was still toward Misha. The relief and the simple joy of having Jensen here again made him not care who saw what. He pulled the damn hood down again and leaned in to reach Jensen's warm lips. It was soft and close mouthed but god it felt good.

Misha coughed. "I'm gonna go. Jay, you'll be okay?"

Jared looked down at the most beautiful green eyes he'd ever seen. "Yeah." He put his arm around Jensen's shoulders and whispered into the shell of his ear. "Trust me." Slowly he turned them both around. Jensen shuddered and buried his face partly into Jared's shoulder but he went along with it.

Jared's smile was so deep it felt like it would break his face.

Misha smiled at them tentatively. Jared leaned in to whisper again. "See? No one is screaming."

Jensen lifted up slightly, eyes still never meeting the other man's. He looked up at Jared and held his gaze tight. His voice was almost whisper soft. "Not scared of monster?"

He was about to reply but Misha beat him to it, coming closer. "Jensen. You're not a monster. You're a very handsome man."

Jensen looked confused, brows furrowing. "Thought. Only Jared. Because Jared so good." He met Misha's eyes for the first time. Jared caught Misha's eyes widen as that green intensity met his. "Misha good, too," Jensen concluded, lips curving up in a slight smile.

Jared sighed. It's not like he could deny that Misha was indeed a good guy. But the underlying problem remained.

Misha smiled back and put out his hand. "We were never really properly introduced. Misha Collins," he said before extending his hand.

Jensen looked up at Jared a moment before taking a step away and putting out his own hand. Jared watched on inordinately grateful to his very kind friend. "Jensen."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Misha looked up at Jared, met his smile. "I'll see you later."

Jared nodded, feeling suddenly odd at having somewhere to sleep when …

"Jay … Jensen, you are welcome to stay at my home tonight as well if you wish."

Jared's breath caught but Jensen answered first. "You very good. Jensen cannot." He drew himself taller and met Misha's stare boldly now. "I be fine. Take care self. Thank you." He turned back to Jared and now his eyes glimmered with sadness. "Jared no go home?"

The word 'home' uttered in Jensen's sweet baritone was just too much. Jared sucked in air and forced himself to say goodbye to Misha.

"Thanks, man, for everything. I … later, okay?"

"Sure. Bye, Jay. Jensen."

The second the door closed behind his friend Jared leaned back into Jensen. Instinctively Jensen brought his arms back around him and squeezed tight. "Hate Jared sad," he said rubbing Jared's back gently.

Again, Jared thought on a half snort. Who was helping who?

"Yeah, me, too, buddy. But, hey, you're here now so … " He stopped because he couldn't possibly end that sentence.

They pulled apart slowly. "Go police?" Jensen asked hesitantly.

Jared pulled himself together. Right. They were here to help Jensen. "Officer Morgan. Jeff. I met with him. He said he'd help us. But he needs to fingerprint you. Then he can run the prints through the computer and see if we can figure out who you are. He also needs a photograph. Will you let me photograph you? I brought my camera."

Jensen growled low. "No! No one can see. Beast."

"You're not a beast. Misha just saw you. He told you how beautiful you are."

"Jensen see. Others scream. Jensen know. Witch curse. Beast. Ugly inside. Ugly outside." He paused, and ran a hand over the back of his neck. "You want find me? Why? Find bad. Find ugly."

"You're not bad. And you sure as hell aren't ugly. Dammit, I'm tired of this argument." He stopped to slow his heart and tamp his frustration. "You're wrong. I don't need to find you. I already did. But your past belongs to you. You deserve to know. Even if … even if it is bad."

Jensen's eyes shuttered and Jared swore under his breath. He'd meant bad circumstances … he never really thought …

"You aren't bad. I know this. I couldn't … I wouldn't've … "

Jensen continued avoiding Jared's eyes. He looked toward the back. "Visit Belle?" he asked softly.

Jared's heart sank. Damn. He'd forgotten to tell Jensen. The thought of disappointing him, of not letting him have this small thing, just skewered him. "Jen … Belle was adopted yesterday. This really nice couple they took her home. She … she has a home now."

Jensen's eyes clouded a moment but then his face broke into a bittersweet smile. "Good. So good. Kitten be loved."

Epiphanies really are funny things. Because Jared had thought he understood love. Thought he was a loving person. But he knew nothing.

– – –

They had some time before having to meet Jeff at the precinct.

"Jen, you wanna wash up? Take a shower? I can throw your clothes in the laundry. Also, I … bought you some new clothes. Nothing fancy … just a pair of jeans, a new tee-shirt and a button down."

As expected Jensen immediately complained. "No Jared. You do too much."

"It's okay. You worked here and we didn't pay you … this was nothing. I bought it at the discount store, it's nothing fancy, really. I took a guess on the jeans size but I think they'll be okay."

Jensen stared at him silently a few moments but finally just nodded and disappeared into the little bathroom. His clothes were left outside the door.

Jared ran the laundry and tried not to worry about how it would go at the police station. The possibility for disaster was high.

Jensen reemerged dressed in the new clothes.

Jared's breath caught. _Holy crap_. Jensen wore the new faded blue jeans and light gray tee-shirt he'd bought him. Over that he had on the light blue cotton button down shirt. How someone could make those crappy nameless jeans look like they came out of a designer store was beyond Jared. He'd guessed well on size and they sat low on Jensen's slim hips, hugging the curves of his ass in all the right ways. His legs looked long and slightly bowed, and Jared wished he'd been able to buy Jensen some boots. The cheap sneakers didn't do justice.

He'd shaved again and his face was smooth and slightly pink from the hot water. His eyes were huge beneath his wet tousled hair. Jared reached into his own duffel and pulled out a hair gel product that never really managed to tame his own long locks. He put a small dab in his palm.

"Here," he said, rubbing a little into Jensen's hair. "This'll keep it looking this way." Jensen looked up at him quizzically. Jared laughed. "You really have no idea, do you? How smoking hot you are? Even in crappy cheap clothes. Hell, there's nothing you wouldn't look good in."

Jensen studied him with a slight frown. He looked down and touched his jeans. Then he pointed at Jared. "Look like Jared."

Jared smiled and looked Jensen over head to toe openly leering. "Babe, in a million years I couldn't look as hot as you."

Jensen reached out and placed his hand on Jared's chest. "More. Jared more beautiful. Most beautiful." Jensen dropped his hand and lowered his gaze quickly, face flushing adorably.

The hundreds of reasons why this was a really bad idea vanished under that soft blush. Jared approached and intended only to give Jensen a soft kiss. Except Jensen opened his mouth and their tongues collided and Jared felt the charge to his toes and let the flames consume him willingly. All shyness seemed to vanish as he manhandled Jared up against the wall and ground hard against his thigh as his lips and tongue explored at a ravenous pace.

O-kay. New kink discovered. Sandy had been so tiny Jared always had to hold back. Could never really be the aggressor and even when she took the initiative she couldn't ever overpower him. The man surging into him right now might have been a few inches shorter but he was sheer muscle and his power oozed with absolute control. And, man, that was hot. He pushed his cock against Jensen, lifting the other man up until they were able to press against each other. The friction felt so good he shuddered.

Jensen pulled away first leaving Jared panting and reaching forward to keep their connection.

"Jared. Mess up pants. Must stop."

Jared forced his breathing under control. Tried to let logic back in. Jensen's words slowly penetrated his lust fog. Christ, what were they doing? They had to go meet Jeff. And Jensen was right … a little more and he would come in his pants like a teenager. "Oh god. I'm sorry. I shouldn't … you don't want … "

Jensen reached up and held his face. "I do," he said clearly. "Want you. So much." He stepped away again. Looked down to compose himself. Jared saw the struggle in Jensen's strained expression. "Words mix up. Can't say right. Jumble. But, inside my head … clear. Right. Do you understand?"

Jared nodded although he wasn't really sure he did. Jensen continued, "Know what Jensen … I … want. But Jared have girl. I not a girl."

Jared chuckled. "Oh, I am very aware you aren't a girl. I, um, like both." He paused, looked at his friend. "How about you? Do you remember being with anyone … intimately? Man, woman?"

"After kiss Jared … I know. Not remember. Just know. Think maybe like you." He pursed his lips in frustration. "I mean. I am like you. Looked magazines. To test. Now clean, not tell me leave store. Magazines with girls. Magazines with boys." His skin flushed pink. "Like both."

Jared smiled at this revelation. Jensen had tested his sexual preference by looking at skin mags. Well, it was certainly one way to figure things out. He was surprised when Jensen kept going.

"Jared. The pictures. Pretty men. Pretty women. Nice. But not like … not same … with you … different. Want so much. Scary."

"Yeah. I know. Scares me, too." He took Jensen in a hug. "But we'll figure it out, okay? And take it slow. You're just figuring out so many things. We are way more alike than you realize."

"Want to know who Jared is?" Jensen asked.

Jared pulled away to look into Jensen's eyes. It was so easy to confuse his odd speech with a lack of intelligence. But those knowing eyes gave it all away. He blinked first and had to look away. It was too much, sometimes, how much this man made him feel.

He glanced at his watch and swallowed. "I have to take a few pictures and then we should go."

Jensen allowed Jared to take some straight on head shots and one full body.

Jensen zipped up his hoodie just before they left the building. The hood was down as they stepped outside. Jared said nothing as Jensen allowed the fresh air to touch his face a moment, head tilted up. But then the hood was raised and that beautiful face was once again hidden from the world.

– – –

Jared had called Jeff's cell phone and the police officer came to open the side entrance for them. He shook hands with Jared and hesitated a moment before speaking to Jensen.

"Jensen," Jeff said in his calm deep voice. "I'm Officer Morgan. You can call me Jeff."

Jared felt a surge of affection for the officer and was pleased that his own people assessment skills were clearly still in place. This guy was the real deal. Jensen tilted his hooded head toward Jared. Jared squeezed Jensen's shoulder and said, "It's okay."

He watched as Jensen put his hand out and said, "Jensen." Jeff took Jensen's hand and gave it a brief shake. If Jeff was surprised he didn't show it.

"Okay. C'mon in."

They followed Jeff, Jared keeping his hand on Jensen's shoulder for reassurance.

They stopped at a tall counter in the interior of the building. Jared watched as Jeff spread out the supplies he'd need. Fingerprint cards, ink pad, a bottle of cleanser. He turned back to Jared and Jensen and said, "Let's talk a bit first, okay." Then Jeff pointed to an empty desk and some chairs. He sat behind the desk and motioned for him and Jensen to take the opposite seats. Jared could feel Jensen's tension. He took the other man's hand and squeezed. Jensen looked toward him. The fluorescent overhead kept Jensen's face in shadow but Jared knew he'd smiled.

"Jensen," Jeff began. "Jared tells me he believes you are suffering from memory loss. So tell me what it is you do remember."

Jensen tightened his grip on Jared's hand. "It's okay, Jen. I already told Jeff some. Just tell him what you know. What you remember. It'll be okay."

Jensen leaned into Jared and spoke low. "Police think crazy. Lock up. Again."

Jared started at this. He hadn't been aware that Jensen had been locked up ever. He looked up at Jeff and prayed that his instincts were spot on. He was risking Jensen's life. He was risking everything. His eyes held the officer's stare a moment. "Jeff is doing this as a … friend. Not as a cop. What you say here will be private." He looked pointedly at Jeff.

Jeff's eyes widened as they passed from Jared's open gaze to Jensen's hidden one. "Jared is right, Jensen. What we do here today is not official. I only want to take some notes on what you remember. Then we'll take your fingerprints and I'll run them through the database – see if we get a match. That reminds me … Jared, did you bring the photo?"

Jared reached into his back pocket. "Yeah. Here's the memory chip from my camera. Can you take them off of this?"

Jeff nodded, reaching down. "I have my laptop." He looked at Jensen. "This is my personal computer, not the precinct's." He inserted the small chip into a reader on the side. Jared waited, hiding a smile, as the other man used the touch pad gingerly. Jeff's eyes widened to an open gape. He looked abruptly at Jensen and Jared's smile deepened. "That's you?"

Jensen sank deeper into his seat trying to make himself as small as possible. He let out something between a groan and a whimper, scared and tiny. Jared immediately put his arm around him and drew him close. "It's okay. He's not frightened of you. He thinks you're beautiful."

Jared blushed after the words came out and Jeff met his eyes appraisingly. But the other man recovered quickly. "Jensen. You really don't have any reason to hide. You're a very respectable looking young man." Jeff spoke to Jared. "You did a good job cleaning him up. Assuming as you say that he was living a more, well, normal, life years ago … then this will help someone recognize him."

"Jen. See. No screaming. I told you. I've told you so many times. How about we pull down that hood, eh?"

The words had just left Jared's lips when two uniformed officers walked through the open doorway. They stopped mid-speech to look oddly at Jeff. Jensen jumped out of his seat and scurried backward, knees bending defensively and crouching low. He let out a growl and buried his head as inward as possible.

Jared sprang into action and stood in front of Jensen protectively. He knelt down and held the sides of Jensen's head through the hoodie. "It's okay. I promise. I would never let anyone hurt you. Ever. You trust me, right?"

Jeff was speaking in a hushed tone to the two cops that came in. Jared heard it peripherally, all his focus on the shaking man before him. "Jen … please."

Jensen stood slowly, straightening his legs. He reached out for Jared's hand again and Jared held on gratefully. "Stay covered," Jensen said decisively.

Jared nodded. "Yeah, buddy. Okay. It's up to you. It's always up to you."

The two officers looked at all of them one last time before picking up some paperwork off of one of the desks and disappearing back the way they came.

"Sorry about that," Jeff said. "I, um, explained. Let's get on with this, okay? Jensen, you feel up to this?"

Jensen nodded. Jeff looked back to the computer screen a moment his head shaking slightly. "Okay. Let's start again … what do you remember? What's your oldest memory?"

Jensen leaned forward as he spoke. "Old woman … black eyes. Witch. Scare me. She angry."

"What did the witch say? What did she do, Jensen?" Jared asked.

"She said work in garden. Say Jensen bad. Evil. She tell me Jensen think he is a prince. But not. Tell me Jensen a broken, worthless, thing. Deserve nothing. She throw dirt in my eyes. I remember, sting. It hurt.

"She told me I hurt princess. I ask who and she get more mad. She say princess think love me but Jensen empty. No love. Evil. Pretty outside. Ugly inside. Then … she curse me." Jensen's eyes turned inward as he recited the witch's words. His tone changed. The words flowed as if they'd been recorded in his brain. "You are a monster. A beast. You have no soul. Every look in the mirror will make you scream. The monster within will be the monster without. Children will run and scream. Adults will weep."

Jared was beyond himself by now. This story was so much worse than he'd even imagined. Jensen must have sensed Jared's distress because he squeezed his hand reassuringly before continuing.

Jensen let go of Jared's hand and looked down. Jeff said gently. "Then what Jensen? Do you remember any more?"

Jensen's voice was small and raspy. "Pain."

Jared turned. "Pain? Were you hurt?"

Jensen looked toward him. "Remember pain. All over. Especially head. So much. Burning like squeeze too tight. Make explode. Try to think but confused. Blurry. Have words but come out all mixed. Remember … shaking … then … nothing. Later, I wake up. Again.""

Jeff looked at Jared. "If … and this is a huge if … he had sustained a head injury like you thought, he might have seized."

"Anything else, Jen?"

Jensen met Jared's eyes. "I was scared. Want to know how to break curse. Must be way to break curse. I ask what I need do. Hear witch laugh. Angry. Say no. Say forever Beast." Jensen looked toward Jared. "I … try be good. Try not scare anyone."

Jared heard the hitch in Jensen's voice and immediately took his hand and walked him a few steps back. He took Jensen in a hug, shielding him from Jeff's view with his body. "It's okay. You are good. I know this absolutely. She was wrong."

"Curse forever," Jensen uttered near his ear.

"No. It won't be forever. I promise."

Jensen took a calming breath very aware of where they were. He let himself be led back.

"When was all this?" Jeff asked.

Jared replied. "I think about ten years ago. Jensen held up both hands when I asked before."

They both turned toward the hooded man. Jensen nodded and held up all his fingers again. "Think. This many years. Hard to know."

"Christ. You can't be much over thirty. You were young when … maybe still a teenager." Jared stared at Jeff. "He wasn't evil. I _know_ this."

Jeff chuckled. "Evil is a rather dramatic word. Who knows? Maybe he just pissed off someone."

Jared's voice raised, "And they cursed him?"

Jeff stared at him. "No. I mean, clearly not in reality. " He pointed to his laptop monitor. "But whatever they said he believed it. Assuming … Jared, we don't know if any of this is real. I'm sorry, but it could all be a delusion."

"Since we met, everything Jensen's said and done and talked about has been based in truth. In reality. He doesn't imagine anything that's not there. This woman he met in his past. She's real. She was there. And she told someone who was still practically a kid, all of this garbage. I don't know why he … " Jared turned to Jensen. " … _you_ believed it. But it's not true. You aren't ugly inside or out. You never were."

"But curse … "

Jared took his hand. "We're going to find out what happened. And we're going to break the curse." He leaned in and touched his forehead against Jensen's, peripherally aware of Jeff's ever-growing frown. "I will break it."

Jeff cleared his throat and said, "Let's get the fingerprinting over with."

Jeff walked Jensen to the counter and took his hand. Jared stood close. Jeff carefully manipulated Jensen's hand onto the ink pad and then slowly rolled each finger over the card stock. "Relax," he said softly at Jensen's stiffness. "You're doing fine."

They were done quickly. "How soon till we learn anything?" Jared asked.

"Well, local database, I'll know right away. National will take longer. I'll call you within a week."

As Jensen wiped the ink off his stained fingers, Jeff asked Jensen to excuse them a moment and pulled Jared over for a private word.

"Kid … do you know what you're doing?"

Why did everyone ask him this? "Yes. I want to help him."

"I know you think that there's something to this witch business. But more likely we'll find out Jensen's schizophrenic and suffering from delusional paranoia. The timing fits. Manifests in one's late teens or early twenties. I just don't want you to find yourself wanting something that just … can't be."

Too late, Jared thought quickly.

"I'll be fine. Let's just get Jensen his life back."

Jensen approached then and anything further Jeff might have been about to say died in his throat. He walked them both to the outside door promising to call Jared as soon as he uncovered anything.

"But Jared," Jeff warned. "Don't expect much. Even if everything you believe is true … not everyone's prints are in the system. If Jensen didn't have a reason to be fingerprinted before … then there won't be a match."

"I know. And I appreciate your help, Jeff. You've … you're a good guy. Thanks."

"Take care of yourself," Jeff said looking toward Jensen but Jared had the feeling the words were directed to both of them.

Jared walked away hopeful. But a part of him was still mired in Jeff's concerns about Jensen's mental health. And Jensen had mentioned something about being locked up. Jared needed to speak with Jensen, but it was not a conversation he could have with Jensen hidden. He needed to see his eyes, see his face. And if Jared was painfully honest with himself, he needed Jensen to see him.

**Chapter 8**

Leaving Jensen to the dark streets was one of the hardest things Jared had ever had to do. He promised himself he'd find an apartment before the week was up because this was just unacceptable. He knew that simply having his own apartment did not assure that Jensen would stay with him. But at least he had a chance of convincing him. This way it was impossible.

Jensen sensed Jared's concern.

"Jay … I be fine."

Jared smiled despite his fears. Something warm curled in his tummy when Jensen used his nickname. His speech was improving steadily leaving Jared even more convinced that with speech therapy and time it could get much better.

"Okay," Jared said after a long moment. "C'mere." Jensen stepped into Jared's hug. Jared loved how easy it was to hold him, barely having to lean down let alone stoop like he did with practically everyone else. God, it felt so right. "You did good tonight. With Jeff. So brave. I'm so proud of you."

Jensen tightened his grip but said nothing. Reluctantly Jared took a step back missing the contact the second they separated. "I … I'm going to Misha's." Jensen nodded in approval. Jared wanted to ask Jensen where he would go but couldn't. Was too afraid to know. He kissed him instead, sliding between his lips, thrusting his tongue into Jensen's mouth in sure urgent bursts, teeth gnashing, eating the other man's moans.

Unfortunately, Jared needed to breathe. He pulled away reluctantly, glancing down at Jensen's still closed eyes in the darkness of the alcove that sheltered them. He bit back a swear at the way that Jensen fell toward him in an unconscious reach before finding himself again and straightening. Jared wanted to punch the brick façade behind him. Is this where Jensen would sleep? Would he sink down right here onto the gum- and piss- and roach-covered ground? Tears burned hot behind his eyes. He swallowed convulsively to keep them at bay.

Finally, he did let out a swear. "Don't you dare let anything happen to you."

Jensen locked eyes with him at this, recognizing the words as the same Jared had ordered before, in the alley behind the restaurant. His brows held puzzlement. "Jared care."

Jared chuckled. It wasn't funny but it also wasn't sad. He ran his thumbs over Jensen's cheekbones, feeling the sharp angles of his face, the burn of his stubble beneath his fingertips. So male. Jared shook the want away. Jensen didn't phrase this as a statement or a question. It was a wonderment. "Why is that so hard to believe?" Jared asked softly even though he knew the answer. It was rhetorical and he didn't expect Jensen to reply.

Jensen touched Jared's face back, mimicking Jared's movements. "Care for Beast not make sense. Care for Jared make sense. Jared good."

Jared didn't say anything, was too tired to argue. He wondered briefly how Jensen meant this. Did he mean that it made sense to care for someone he deemed 'good' like Jared? Or that Jensen cared for Jared?

He ignored all of it. "Come by the shelter tomorrow?" At Jensen's hesitancy he quickly added, "I'll put you to work. You can help care for the animals. I'll train you. You can be our newest volunteer. What do you say?"

Jensen's smile lit the alley.

Jared held onto that during the long solitary walk back to Misha's.

– – –

The first time Jared walked into the cage area and caught a glimpse of Jensen's firm ass wriggling in the light scrub bottoms as he cleaned out the last of the long row of cages his breath caught. _Damn_. He'd stood there until Jensen worked his way back out backward and startled the other man.

Jensen yelped, "Jared. Did not see. Why you stand there?"

 _Caught_. Jared blushed but then went with it. "Enjoying the view," he answered sheepishly.

It took a beat for Jensen to catch on and then he flushed red. He glanced toward the front but then shifted the hood down. "Warm," he said huskily.

"Yeah," Jared answered.

"Only Misha?"

"Yep. Ally will be in, but not until the afternoon. She's got classes this morning."

Jensen considered this a moment. Then he pulled the hoodie jacket all the way off. He shucked it against the wall. "Will change water now." He paused and looked at Jared. "Sadie miss you."

"I was just coming back here to take her for a walk." Jensen had already started to work his way back to the first cage when Jared stopped him. "Hey Jen?" Jared leaned down to press a light kiss on Jensen's lips. Jensen looked at him questioningly. "That's for taking off the jacket. Makes the view better."

Jensen ducked his head and blushed again and Jared chuckled his way down to Sadie.

Jensen worked with Jared for three days. He wouldn't accept money but let Jared buy him food and took showers in the shelter once they closed for the day. Jared would wait and finish paperwork. With a heavy heart Jared walked Jensen out and watched him disappear into the night.

In the morning, Jensen had been arriving about an hour or so after Jared. This was fine. Gave Jared a chance to greet the animals, complete any leftover paperwork and get coffee brewing. He liked offering Jensen a cup first thing since he so obviously enjoyed it. He'd gotten comfortable even with Misha there and would pull his hood down before taking the first slow sip. He almost always let out a little moan of contentment that left Jared smiling stupidly.

Thursday morning, however, Jensen was waiting for him outside the shelter door. He stared at the ground, would not meet Jared's eyes and rocked slightly, dead silent. Jared's heart accelerated as he looked the other man over quickly. Jensen's sneakers were missing, his jacket was torn and speckled with dark stains. Heart pounding he ushered them both inside quickly.

"It's just us," Jared said rushed. "Misha is at the dentist again. Ally is off."

Jensen still hadn't said anything.

Jared locked the door. "Jen? Talk to me. What happened? Where are your shoes?"

Jared quickly got the lights and went to push Jensen's hood down. Jensen kept his head down, shrugging Jared off and let out a low-pitched _grrr_. Jared stepped back. Then quickly got angry with himself for letting Jensen's beast act get to him.

He got back in his face. "Jensen. What's wrong?" He spotted blood on Jensen's hands and immediately recognized what was splattered all over his jacket. _Shit_. "You're hurt."

Jensen swiped his hands on the front of his jacket, and growled low again. He was seething in anger. Jared moved closer but Jensen hissed out a low unmistakable warning to back off.

Jared swiped at his hair in exasperation. It was like they'd gone back ten squares. What the hell had happened?

"Followed me," Jensen said quietly breaking the silence.

"What?"

"Men. From restaurant."

Jared's stomach plummeted. Those men. The one's with the bat and the knife that had stabbed Jensen, too damn close to his heart … _Enough_. He moved faster than Jensen could react and yanked the hood down to ensure he was okay. Jensen leapt back and took a defensive stance.

Jared had seen this with others but not with himself, not since that first day. It hurt. But not as much as seeing the bruises on Jensen's beautiful face. His lip was cut, a jagged trail of dried blood trailing from it. His cheek was swollen and purple-red. Jared's eyes filled and this time he didn't try to stop it. His distress seemed to reach through Jensen's pent up rage.

Bloody hands grasped Jared's upper arms, squeezing once. "I am okay, Jared. Not hurt really. Promise." Jensen looked down. "They said stole from them. They steal back. Take shoes. Give me warning." He stepped back from Jared, looked away as he next spoke. "Say stay away ... " Jensen's voice caught a bit. " … say you stay away. Warn Jared, too."

"Jen … "

"Jared. Forget restaurant. No more. Forget Beast. I go now."

Jensen actually was able to take a step toward the door before Jared had the presence of mind to react. He yanked on Jensen's sleeve. "What?"

The other man shuffled a few more steps. He stopped momentarily at Jared's question but then kept on. "No!" Jared moved to block Jensen. "You're not leaving … you're not leaving me."

Jensen turned at this. Jared hadn't even realized what he'd said until it was out. No matter. This wasn't ending this way. "Beast cause trouble for Jared. I go."

Jared's cell phone rang, piercing the air. Instinctively he went to see who it was. "Jeff," he said to Jensen. "Wait. Please." The phone rang again and Jared did nothing until he saw Jensen's nod.

"Jeff?" Jared asked quickly.

"Yeah. Jared. I think we have something. Can you and Jensen meet me tonight? Precinct side entrance, about nine?"

He wanted to ask a million questions. But Jensen was still one step away from bolting. "Yes," he said quickly. "We'll be there." He hung up before Jeff could get in another word.

Jensen shook his head immediately at this. "No police. Trouble. Too much already. You need stay away from all of it. From me. I _must_ go." Jensen took another step backward but his eyes lingered on Jared as if taking in his last fill.

Jared met his stare, eyes hardening. "No. I'm not staying away. If you walk out I'll find you. I swear I will."

Jensen's eyes iced over. "No. You will not. I disappear."

"Maybe. But I'll look for you, Jensen. Every alley. Every corner. Every fucking inch of this city. And then I'll spread out further."

Angry heat radiated off Jensen. "Not safe to look. Bad men. Threaten … "

"I'll start there. At the restaurant."

"Jared … "

"Don't go. Jensen. Please."

"Why?"

Jared risked taking a step closer. "You know why."

"Can't let you get hurt. I go, take trouble with me." Jensen met his eyes. The ice was lit with an inner flame now.

"They hurt _you_. Do you have any idea what that does to me?"

Jensen looked down, partially resigned. He inhaled sharply. "You cannot be hurt," he repeated. It came out like a statement of fact and would have sounded almost mechanical were it not for the tremor in Jensen's voice. His anger was dissipating and he looked unbearably young shuffling his dirty socks on the tile floor.

"I won't. I'll be careful. And I have you watching out for me, right?"

This got Jensen to look at him again. "Protect by leaving."

"Protect me by staying. Besides we also have Officer Jeff on our side." Jared said that to try to lighten the moment. But Jensen only shook his head sadly again.

"No trust police. Lock me up. Will die this time, Jared."

Jared shuddered. There was a promise in Jensen's words. There was so much he still didn't know about what Jensen had been through these past ten years. He hoped to god that whatever Jeff uncovered would be helpful. "Jen, Jeff said he found something about your past. He's going to tell us tonight. Asked us to meet him."

The door rattled startling them both. Misha walked in. He looked from Jared to Jensen with a small frown. "What happened? Why's he—"

"Misha. Don't. Man the front, okay? I need … I need to … " Jared turned his eyes back to Jensen and held his hand out. "Let's get you cleaned up?"

Jensen stood stock still. He glanced toward the door that Misha just entered from. Jared knew he was watching an inner battle. That Jensen still wanted to leave. Jared held his breath. An eternity later Jensen followed him toward the back, never taking his hand.

Jared stood outside the small bathroom with the door open as Jensen washed out his wounds. He watched the pink water swirl down the drain and fought back the ache this brought. Jensen tried to slip by but Jared grabbed his arm as he passed. "Jen. Please."

He took Jensen in a fierce hug - fear, relief, pain, need, vibrated through him as he held on so tight he was afraid he'd hurt Jensen. But Jensen melted into him and simply absorbed. "God, I was so scared," he murmured in Jensen's ear.

"I am fine."

Jared squeezed harder. "You were going to leave."

The body in his arms trembled slightly. And then Jensen lifted his arms and pulled Jared down and sparks exploded all through him like firecrackers shooting off under his skin. Warm, moist lips met his, absorbing him, swallowing him up in quicksand. Jensen licked his way inside and let all that coiled up tension, pressure, frustration out and into their kiss. It was wet and hot and uncontrollable. Jared was manhandled up against the wall next to the bathroom door, felt his back crack hard against the plaster, causing a quick flash of pain but then Jensen was pushing their groins together and nothing existed but the fire coursing back and forth between them.

"Don't leave me," he groaned into Jensen's mouth, teeth latching onto Jensen's lower lip and pulling hard. "Don't you fucking ever leave me." He whipped them around and shoved Jensen against the wall face first. He ground his erection into Jensen's ass through his soft sweats. "Oh fuck," he growled, feeling Jensen buck back hard against him. This man was an addiction. Irresistible and unquenchable. Even if _when_ they did this it wouldn't be enough. Nothing would ever be enough. He bit along Jensen's neck, watching the blood rise to the surface. Yeah. Mark him. Make him his. So he wouldn't leave. Couldn't leave.

Jensen spun around again, hands reaching to cup Jared's face. "Sorry," Jensen whispered before kissing Jared again, slowly this time. Tasting and licking and nipping without bite.

Jared licked along the bruise he made on Jensen's neck. Where had that possessiveness come from? He'd never been that way with Sandy. Nothing about the way he was with Jensen matched his behavior with others. This person he was when he was Jensen was familiar yet foreign all at once. Someone that had been there all along but was only now emerging.

"Don't be," he answered, cupping Jensen's face in his large palms.

Passion burned in Jensen's eyes but he didn't say anything. Just stared and absorbed and gave more than he'd ever know. Look at me, Jared silently plead. Look at me just like that. Always.

Jensen blinked. Took a deep breath. Head tilted down and then back up to Jared with the faintest blush. "Need cold shower."

Jared laughed. "Yeah buddy, me too." He indulged in one last slow kiss. "You drive me crazy, you know." Jensen purred low. "We will finish this." That earned Jared an even deeper growl.

They stepped apart. "I'm going to pick you up some shoes. I'll leave Misha up front. Take care of my animals?"

Jensen nodded yes. Watched Jared as he walked back to the front. "Jared?"

Jared turned back. Watched the swirl of emotions moisten Jensen's eyes until they glowed like a forest fire. "I know," he said hoarsely. "I'll be back soon. Be here?" The last words were barely audible.

But Jensen heard him. "Yes. I will be here."

Jared spent the time away from the shelter to try to tamp his runaway emotions. Misha tried to get him to talk on the way out but he ignored him. He needed air, space. Needed to understand why the mere idea of Jensen walking out of life made him feel like the ground was sucking him in. Sandy had been his girlfriend for six years. And he'd just walked out of her life. There was pain. He'd been scared.

But not like this.

Away from Jensen he could see how his behavior was irrational. Disproportionate to the relationship they really had, the amount of time they'd known each other. Until those green eyes captured him. And then he was lost.

He had just finished paying for his purchases, a pair of black work boots and new sneakers to get Jensen through the cold weather when his cell phone rang.

"Hey Jeff."

"Jared. Good. I reached you. You hung up so quick before … everything okay?"

He was about to automatically reply yes. The word was almost out but as the air left his lips it came out, "No."

"What's wrong?"

"They … Jensen. He was beat up. Robbed." He heard Jeff suck in air. "He … he's okay. It just … shook me up."

"Where are you?"

Jared rattled off his location before thinking to ask why.

"Stay put," Jeff said.

The blue and white patrol car rolled up to Jared ten minutes later. Jeff leaned out the window. "Get in kid." The passenger seat was empty. Jared raised his eyebrows. "My partner's out sick. Flu. And I need a coffee break."

Jared slid in nervously. He'd never sat in a police vehicle before. Honestly, he wasn't sure what he was doing with Jeff now. Except that the need to share this with someone was overwhelming.

Jeff drove them to a Starbucks. Not the one they'd met at before. It was late morning and not too crowded. They carried their drinks to the back and settled into the armchairs in the corner. Jeff opened his coffee lid and took a slow sip. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Jensen okay?"

"They stole his shoes."

Jeff nodded. "Happens. It's rough on the streets. He's been out there a long time. I'm guessing he can take care of himself."

"They stabbed him. Missed his heart by inches."

"What?"

"Not last night. This was a few weeks ago. Jeff, he figured out that this restaurant was poisoning cats."

Jeff's eyes were huge. He took a long swallow. "Kid, I think you really have to start from the beginning."

Jared grinned weakly. Willed himself together. "Yeah. Well, it started with a kitten." He swallowed another sip. "She has a good home now. But that's not part of this. Well, maybe it is … but not … " Shit. He was rambling. Happened when he was nervous. Chill. Tell the man the story before he dismisses Jared as a nut and walks away. "Jensen found a kitten near this restaurant. Didn't see the mother or the rest of the litter. He brought the kitten to the shelter. Named her Belle."

Jeff interrupted, brows rising. "Belle?"

Jared's voice was soft. "She's beautiful."

Jeff chuckled slightly. "Beauty and the Beast."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Go on … kitten … "

"A few days later he found the mother cat dead along with some others. He suspected that the owners were using poison because there were empty take out containers next to the dead animals. He sort of staked them." Jared saw Jeff's face start to twist with disapproval. He couldn't quite disagree with him there. "I told him it was dangerous. But Jensen can be very stubborn. I … I went with him. They caught us. I tried to reason with them but they were real bastards. Came at us with a bat and then this one guy had a knife."

"Jesus, Jared. You could have gotten killed. Why didn't you call me?"

"Jensen … is afraid of the police." Jeff nodded quickly. Jared continued the story. "They jumped us. And then the one with the knife was coming at me and Jensen … " The image filled his vision. Silver flash of a knife and Jensen leaping in front of him, soft grunt as the knife embedded in Jensen's chest. Jared fisting the bat and coming down hard. The other man dropping. And the blood, blossoming from Jen's chest. "… He stepped in front of me, in front of the blade. I … we managed to stop them." He looked down, refused to meet Jeff's reproachful gaze. "Then we ran. He refused to go to a hospital. I feared he'd just run away … I had no choice … "

Jared looked up then and was reassured by Jeff looking at him steadily, not judging.

He took a deep breath and finished. "I had Alona, our vet, patch us up. She told me … a few inches over and the blade would have hit his heart." Jared stopped speaking, hand shaking slightly he put down the coffee cup and fought for self control.

"Jared. Please don't take this the wrong way but … are you and Jensen … together?"

Jared's eyes flew up at this, searching. Jeff looked concerned but not disgusted or angry. He forced his stare steady. "Does it bother you that I'm … " He stammered but at the last minute said _screw it_ in his mind. " … bisexual?" He sucked in air because it had been a long time since he'd come out to someone he hardly knew.

"No," Jeff answered quickly. "But Jensen's not just another guy." Jeff looked like he was considering what to say. "Jay, my brother, Joel … I told you he's schizophrenic. He's also gay. And he's been in a relationship. I've had to pick up the pieces before. Not just my brother, but the man he was involved with. There's something … special … about people like Joel, like Jensen. Something almost magical. I get it, I do. It's not just about your need to take care of him. It's what he gives you. But it's not easy. I should know. They give, but they also take. A whole lot. Sometime all that you have."

Jeff's eyes betrayed his weariness. Jared processed. He thought today couldn't possibly get more complicated. It just did.

"How far has it gotten?" Jeff asked. "Because honestly. If you could walk away, you should."

Jared met his gaze. "I can't." His voice deepened. "I won't." He took a deep breath. "I appreciate what you said. And telling me about Joel. It's just … we don't know … I don't think Jensen is mentally ill. I mean, yeah, he's got … issues … but … " Jared knew he had to tread gently here. "I think his injuries are neurological. Physical. Can you—is this about what you uncovered about Jensen's past?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't talk about what I found until you have Jensen with you. It's his life and he needs to be there. Just … be careful."

Jared nodded in understanding.

"So, did the restaurant employees come after Jensen again last night?" Jeff asked.

"Yes. Warned him off." After a minute he added. "Me, too."

Jeff's face took on a scowl. "Where is this place?"

"White Star. 'S not far from my shelter."

"I know it. I'll take care of it for you."

Jared's gratitude was immediate. "Thanks. I couldn't … I can't let them hurt Jensen anymore."

Jeff nodded. "Wouldn't want them hurting you, either." After a beat Jeff added, "So, they were poisoning cats?"

"We're getting the food containers tested at a lab. But, yeah, most likely. Not that uncommon."

"And they called Jensen a beast," Jeff said shaking his head.

"Yeah."

Jeff stood. "I have to get back to work. You gonna be okay?"

Jared stood, too. Jeff was tall. Almost as tall as Jared. They were basically eye to eye. He took in the warm brown stare surrounding him like a hug. God, he hadn't realized how desperately he'd needed to talk to someone. To feel like there was someone on his and Jensen's side, who had their backs. "Yes. Thank you." He put his hand out. He wanted to hug Jeff but knew that not everyone was as comfortable touching as he was. Still, Jeff gave his hand a hard pump before letting go and reaching out to squeeze his shoulder once.

"Take care. And call if you need me. I mean it … you see those bastards, let me know. Okay?"

"Yeah. We'll see you later at the station."

Jared left the Starbucks carrying Jensen's new shoes feeling considerably lighter than when he'd entered.

**Chapter 9**

Jensen walked along Jared's side silently. Jared would sneak a look over every few minutes. Sometimes he caught Jen looking back. The third time it happened he smiled like a teenager and brushed his fingers against Jensen's gently. After a few blocks of almost touches and accidental swipes they stopped at a crosswalk waiting for the signal to change, and Jared gave in to what he'd been craving and took Jensen's hand in his, weaving their fingers together.

Jensen tilted his head up at this.

"Okay?" Jared asked.

Jensen didn't reply but didn't let go.

The walk went fast after that. They were about a block away when Jared pulled Jensen into the front entrance of a closed office building. He hoped it was shadowed enough. "Want to talk to you a minute before we meet with Jeff." He tugged on the edges of Jensen's hood. "Think it's pretty private here. Take this off? Easier to talk when I can see you."

Jensen looked around. Hesitated. Finally, he slowly pulled the hood back. Jared smiled broadly. Felt that surge of pleasure at seeing Jensen. Was a rush like it had been the first time he ever laid eyes on him. Jensen was stunning. It stole his breath away. Before Jared was able to compose himself again he leaned in for a kiss.

Jensen kissed back eagerly, but pulled away after a minute, pushing on Jared's chest gently. "Jared. This is not talking."

Jared giggled, touching Jensen's lip with his thumb. "Guess not. More fun though."

Jensen smiled at him but quickly sobered. "What talk about?"

"I … met with Jeff earlier today."

Jensen immediately stiffened, face frowning. "Talk about me?"

"No. Well not about what he found out about your past. He said he wouldn't talk about that without you there. But … I told him about the restaurant workers and what they did … "

Jensen snarled. "No! Jared … no police. Trouble. Blame Beast." His eyes narrowed. "Should not do."

Jared gulped. "I … Jen, I'm sorry. I would never do something you wouldn't want … but I trust Jeff. I told him as a friend. All of it is off the record. He was off duty. Jen … " He grabbed Jensen's arm. "They _hurt_ you."

Maybe it wasn't enough to justify breaking Jensen's confidence. But it was everything.

"Why trust Jeff?" Jensen asked unexpectedly.

Jared was taken aback. Didn't have a ready answer. The trust lived in his gut, like everything else important. It was the way Jared was wired. "I just do. He … he shared stuff about his brother, Joel. Personal stuff. And he gets … "

Jensen waited but then got impatient. "Gets what?"

 _Us_ , Jared wanted to say. Instead he replied with a partial truth, "Me."

"What about brother?"

"Like I said, it was personal."

"You tell _him_ personal about me!"

Jensen had him there. But how to explain this without Jensen thinking that Jared thought he was crazy? Jared chastised himself. Not crazy. Mentally ill. But in the end it would come out seeming the same. "His brother is schizophrenic. When he doesn't take his medications he's ended up living on the streets."

Jared planned to explain that he didn't believe that this was Jensen's situation at all. How he believed Jensen suffered from a physical condition and not a mental illness.

It happened fast. One minute they stood in an entranceway a block away from the precinct and the next moment Jensen roared and fled not even taking the time to raise his hood. It flapped behind him madly as he raced down the street.

_Shit. No!_

"Jensen! C'mon, man, stop. Please."

Jared ran after him. But Jensen was slight and incredibly swift and pumped with adrenaline and knew shortcuts that Jared didn't and he was out of sight before Jared reached the next crosswalk. Jared stood looking uncomprehendingly at the people walking, cars moving while his body went numb, close to shock. How did this happen? How could he have _let_ this happen? He spun around a few times but didn't know which direction to take.

Jensen was gone.

– – –

Jeff urged him into a seat. "Calm down."

"No. We should be out there. We have to find him!"

Jared jumped back up. His heart beat furiously. How could Jensen just run away like that? He'd promised he wouldn't leave Jared. But he had. What had Jared said? What set Jensen off like that?

Jeff's level voice broke his inner panic. "This isn't unusual, Jared. Joel has done it to me, to his boyfriend … it's just part of the illness. Delusions are common. So is paranoia. Suddenly they believe in conspiracies against them. They can't help themselves. It's not that Jensen doesn't want to trust you. It's the chemistry of his brain misfiring that's making it impossible."

Jared met Jeff's eyes. They shone with sympathy and truth. God. Was that all this was? A sudden paranoid attack of a delusional mind? Not that this was simple, but Jared had been so convinced, so sure that something had actually happened to Jensen. That the curse was real.

He had to know suddenly how Jeff was so sure that Jensen was mentally ill. "Jeff. I know you didn't want to tell me what you uncovered without Jensen here. But … if it could help me find him … "

Jeff hesitated, eyes drifting to a closed folder on the desk in front of him. "Okay," he said slowly, drawing the word out. "I know you care about him. Maybe this will help you accept the situation."

"What situation?"

"Eight years ago Jensen was institutionalized. I don't have diagnostic information. That's confidential."

Jared fought back the chill running up his back. "Where was this?"

"Detroit." At Jared's wide-eyed stare Jeff continued. "They held him in a municipal facility for six months. Then he was released as an out-patient. Within three months he vanished from their records. But that's not unusual. Joel – when he skips his meds – he's gone missing for months, years, at a time. He's … creative, my brother. Boisterous, exuberant. Fanciful. It's infectious. You can't help but smile around him. He builds worlds and swallows you up in them. They seem real. But then the dark side appears. The monsters and demons and the fear. That's real, too. And he loses himself."

"Do you … is Joel alright now?" Jared asked fearfully.

"Yes. I found him again recently. He looked about how Jensen did when I first saw him. I begged Joel to move in with me but only if he kept his doctor's visits and took his medications. They steady him." Brown eyes bore into Jared's hazel ones. "I get it, Jay. I do. I miss my brother sometimes. My _real_ brother. The way he is on the medication … it's not the same. Sure, it makes for a sane existence. No more impromptu treasure hunts or quests for holy artifacts or conversations with the shadow people. No witches or curses. Ordinary life walking my beat is hard to compete with all that. But I also don't have to go to sleep worrying every night if some human monster is forcing himself on my brother while he's battling the gnomes that came to life in the yard next door."

Jared slumped in the seat, defeated. He saw the amazing light of Jensen's eyes. The horror in his face as he spoke of the dark-eyed witch that cursed him. Turned him into a beast. Fanciful. _Right_. The thing is, Jared had believed it. Well, he believed someone made Jensen believe this. Someone real, not merely a product of a broken mind. Jared needed it to be real, he realized suddenly. Because if it were, then the curse could be broken. And Jensen could be free.

"I wanted it to be real," he let out haltingly to Jeff.

The policeman put a hand on his arm, squeezing once. "I know."

His hair had fallen over his eyes and Jared peered at Jeff through it. "If Jensen sees a doctor. Gets help again. Would he … would he still be Jensen?"

 _Will die this time, Jared._ The words rang in his head. Is this what Jensen had meant? That the doctors took away who he was. That they essentially killed him?

"I don't know what Jensen's medical situation is, then or now. But the medications keep getting better. Joel has been doing well. Years ago the drugs would make him lethargic. Zombie-like. Not anymore. He gets sleepy sometimes, but most of the time he's … still Joel. A normal version of Joel. Like I remember from when we were kids."

"How old was your brother when … when he got ill?"

"Nineteen. Just after high school. Started talking to me about odd things. Conspiracies. I … it's hard to describe. At first I thought it was true. I mean hell, I was a kid … I didn't think … but he got wilder, more out of control. He'd get agitated and his temper was uncontrollable. Our parents got frightened. His boyfriend couldn't … he'd been with Seth since his freshman year of high school. They were tight. But Joel kept telling me he thought Seth was up to something. At first I thought maybe he meant he was cheating on him but the accusations got crazier, more out there. He talked about seeing him with the shadows. Dancing with a blue shadow who was trying to trick him into giving up the quest."

Jared's eyes grew huge. This was just so much to take in. "Did Seth break up with your brother?" he asked curious.

"No, not in the way you think. Seth loved my brother. He tried. Reasoned with him that he was on his side. Would never hurt him. But Joel couldn't process the truth anymore. We knew by then that he needed help. Except Joel thought the doctors were part of the blue shadow conspiracy. Said he could see the shadows hovering around their necks. Couldn't trust them. Couldn't trust anyone. That's the first time he ran away. I didn't see him again for three years after that."

"Oh god," Jared let out.

"My parents tried the police. Hired a private investigator. Hell, I joined the police academy thinking it would help me find my brother."

Jared could feel Jeff's pain as he talked. "How _did_ you find him?"

"He came back on his own. Not to us. He found Seth. It was … rough." Jared stared at this. "Yeah. When Joel first vanished, Seth … well, he was a mess. Blamed himself. Admitted that for months he'd noticed changes in Joel. Mood swings and erratic behavior. He thought it was stress, starting a new job, a new school. He thought maybe if he'd intervened sooner that Joel could have gotten help earlier. Anyway, he took Joel's leaving really hard. Like I said, they were tight.

"But three years is a long time and Seth had moved on. Well, he thought he had, at least. But my brother bounced back into his life like he hadn't been gone. And my brother's a force of nature. Seth's new partner didn't stand a chance. But we convinced Joel to see a doctor. Finally got a real diagnosis and they tried different medications. Some made him sleep all day. Like the walking dead. Others did nothing or made him worse. They tried to find a balance. It's more art than science. Got no idea what makes the brain work, not really." Jared could tell Jeff was remembering something hurtful when he paused.

Jared twisted his hands, tried not to see himself as Seth. Failed. Finally had to ask. "Then what happened? Did your brother run away again?"

Jeff let out a soft breath, face tight. "Not right away. He moved in with Seth and they made a go of it. I visited whenever I could. Checked up on him during the day. Some days I'd see him laying on the couch, drool coming out of his mouth, head lolling. Broke my heart. It devastated Seth … We'd all been friends for a long time. It was tough. Other times, Joel was fine. Normal. We'd laugh and talk about old times. When it was good like that – seeing them together – they were … special.

"Then, one night I stopped over after my shift and … it was bad. They were fighting. Seth's lip was bleeding. Joel had punched him. Accused him of conspiring again with the shadow people. He was ranting, out of control, snarling and almost howling. He said they were all over Seth. He said he hadn't hit Seth, only the shadows." Jeff raised his eyes to Jared's and held him captive. "Something broke in Seth after that. We … had to put my brother in a mental hospital. My parent's drained the last of their retirement money to find a top-notch private place. Except places like that … it's all voluntary. One week after admission Joel vanished. Didn't see him again for five years."

Jared gasped audibly. "Kid, I'm not telling you all this to torture you. But it's hard loving someone like that. Sometimes it's darn near impossible."

"You do," Jared said softly.

Jeff looked down, running a hand through his silver speckled beard. "Yeah, well, he's my brother."

"Did Seth stop?"

"Stop what?" Jeff asked confused.

"Loving him?"

Jeff looked startled at the question. "I haven't spoken with him in a while. He knows Joel is back. But they're not … " Jeff trailed off and met Jared's eyes.

Jared nodded because the answer didn't need to be verbalized. He felt like he had a lifetime's worth of information to process. And still the need to find Jensen was pulsing through his blood like fast-acting venom.

"I have to go."

Jeff stood and walked him back outside. "How 'bout your girl?" Jeff asked at the doorway. "Maybe you should consider making a go of that."

Jared looked at Jeff sadly. "Can't recap the genie." He forced a small smile on his face. "Thanks."

He was surprised to be drawn into a one-armed manly hug. "Take care of yourself."

Jared pulled back and met Jeff's eyes for one last pleading look. "Jeff. If you spot him … call me. Please?"

He sensed Jeff's hesitation. "Okay."

– – –

Jeff didn't call.

And Jared couldn't help but stare at every gray jacket he passed in the street. It was fall, and hoodies suddenly seemed to be everywhere. He knew it was a mistake but he staked out the White Star's alley, trying to stay out of sight. Jensen never came.

Misha tried to help. Except he didn't understand. Thought Jensen was Jared's admittedly obsessive charity case. Not much different than Sadie. Not that Misha considered Jensen as a pet, as a beast. Misha wasn't like that. But he didn't get the depth of Jared's feelings. How could he? Jared barely understood his own feelings.

"I think that's the last of the boxes. Damn, Jay, didja have to move from one fifth floor walkup to another?"

Jared had finally found his own place. And, yeah, it was another walkup. But it was all he could afford. Especially since he'd insisted the apartment had to have two bedrooms. Misha had looked at the small extra room with wide questioning eyes. Jared said it was to create a home office.

"An office?"

"Yeah."

"For what? Not like you work some corporate job and will be bringing work home."

"I'll put my computer in there and some other shit."

"But … you have a laptop, Jay. That hardly requires its own room."

Jared stayed quiet. There was no need to explain himself further. If Misha figured out the real reason for the must-have second bedroom he never said.

Jared shook off his melancholy and plopped himself on his new sofa. That and his new king-size bed were his biggest indulgences in years. The sofa had been used but in good shape. It was extra-long and extra deep. More than enough to handle his ginormous frame. And the fact that it could easily serve as an extra bed until he could save up enough to buy one for the spare room, well, that was incidental. He really was a big guy.

Misha dropped down next to him. "Got anything to drink in your fridge?"

Jared rose and brought back two beers. "Went shopping yesterday."

"Essentials," Misha said dryly, bringing the bottle to his lips.

Jared took his own long swig. "You betcha."

"This is so close to the shelter. Now you'll never leave work."

Jared took another swallow and turned toward his friend. "Mish?"

"Mmm?"

Jared floated the idea he'd been struck with when he signed the lease. "I want to adopt Sadie. Think she'll be okay here while I'm working?"

Misha smiled at him. "She'll be fine. Better than the kennel she's in now. Plus, you can bring her to hang in the shelter with us like always. If you want, I can process it tomorrow and bring her by. You can unpack and get ready that way."

"That would be great!" The joy that filled him at the thought of having Sadie with him here tomorrow took Jared by surprise. "Thanks, man."

"No worries." Misha put his empty bottle down on the rectangular coffee table. "I should be going." He hesitated. "You gonna be okay?"

Jared met warm blue eyes. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Jay … "

"Misha, I'm fine. It's cool. Hey, I'm twenty-five years old … it's about time I learned to live on my own."

– – –

A week later Jared was surprised to find himself sitting on his still-new-to-him sofa watching Chad absently stroke the top of Sadie's head. When he'd first gotten Chad's call he'd felt odd. Chad and Sophia were more Sandy's friends than his and that was _before_ he and Sandy had split. He was trying not to be suspicious but wondered if Sandy had sent Chad over here for some ulterior reason. Best case, she was just checking up on Jared. Worst, she wanted something and was too afraid to confront Jared herself.

"So … " Chad started hesitantly. "Nice place."

"Mmm. Thanks."

"And you finally got a dog, dude. I know how you always wanted … and Sandy, well … " Chad colored slightly and kept his eyes firmly on the top of Sadie's shiny brown head. "Glad that part worked out. She's a cutie, man."

Jared couldn't help but smile. "Yeah. She's my girl."

Chad looked up at this, meeting Jared's eyes, his own narrowed slightly. He ran a hand through his short-cropped blonde hair. "Um, yeah, about that … So, um, Sandy tells me you're into dick now."

Jared tried not to snort. He really couldn't picture Sandy saying anything quite that crude, ever. There was something almost reassuring about how consistently inappropriate Chad could be. He met Chad's curious gaze evenly. It was so none of this guy's business. But, he wasn't ashamed of anything. "I'm bi-sexual. Figured it out in college."

"Right. College. Experimentation and all that." Chad blushed and looked away. "Not that I … well, except for when … but I never really knew … never mind."

Jared really didn't want to know.

"You and the homeless guy, eh?" Chad blurted out suddenly.

Well, that was unexpected. Sandy must have spoken to Sophia about this. Jared bit back his temper. "His name is Jensen. And it's not … it's complicated."

"Yeah. Always is. Look, for what it's worth I … I'm sorry we got him all almost arrested and shit. I didn't know you and he … I, um, told him I was sorry when I saw him. So, we're cool … right?"

Jared met his eyes. "Sure, Chad, we're cool—Wait. What? When you _saw_ him?"

"What?"

"What do you mean 'when you saw him'? Did you see Jensen recently? Where?"

"Well, Sandy saw him first. She was running in Franklin Park. She mentioned it to Sophie. She was … well, she decided to find another running path. But I … well, I took a walk an' he was sleeping on a bench there. Well, more like under it or something. But whatever. I got as close as I could … and I thought he was gonna bolt but then I guess he recognized me or something. He quieted down and came closer. Didn't smell bad or anything. Looked almost clean, I guess. Well, for someone sleeping on the ground. Then, he mumbled your name."

Jared's heart skipped. "He asked for me?"

"He asked if you were okay."

Something warm settled deep in Jared's chest. "Was he okay? Did he look hurt?"

Chad studied him curiously. "Nah. Like I said, he seemed … fine. Anyway, I told him that as far as I knew you were great. That you'd moved out and had a new place over here on Tenth. After he heard you were okay he went to leave. So like I said, I told him I was sorry for what happened that other time. An' then I gave him an apple and he disappeared into the park."

"You gave him an apple?"

Chad shifted as if something had crawled into his pants. "Well … I didn't know what else to … Didn't have much at home so I grabbed it before heading out and … "

"Chad. That was really … kind of you. Thank you."

Chad looked around suddenly as if expecting to see Jensen pop up. "Now that you … how come he's still sleeping on the street. I would have thought … ?"

"Like I said. It's complicated. Jensen has some … issues. It's really hard for him to trust. Even … even me. Chad, what you did. That means a lot to me. And Jensen. Thanks."

Chad shrugged.

– – –

Of course, Jensen was no longer in Franklin Park. It's not that Jared had really expected to see him on or under any benches. But it stung nonetheless. At least as of Chad's sighting Jensen was still in town. He hadn't fled completely. But this was small consolation.

Another two weeks passed and the weather was quickly getting colder. Every ice-tinged lick against his skin chilled Jared's veins when he thought of Jensen with just his hoodie. The empty bedroom in his apartment hammered him further. That was Jensen's room. Only he wasn't in it. Wasn't in Jared's life. They'd spent so little time together. How was it that Jared could miss him so much?

Jared's friends rallied around him best they could, even if they didn't completely understand. Jeff moved into the little circle of people Jared cared about easily.

Shortly after Jensen's disappearance, Jeff invited Jared over to dinner and Jared got to meet Joel. The two brothers resembled each other so much they could have been twins. Joel was only a couple of years older than Jeff, a little shorter, but with a similar muscular build. They shared the same slightly bemused grin. But then Jared looked a little closer. Joel's eyes were lighter than his brother's. Almost gold in certain light and Jared fought off a memory.

During dinner Joel was animated and lively. His conversation drifted from sports to music to dance to television and every new topic made his eyes sweep over Jared's face searching for connection.

Over dessert Joel mentioned in passing to his brother. "I saw Seth."

Jared's eyes leapt up to his friend. He knew Jeff was worried about this. It had been the start of his brother's demise last time. Not that Jeff blamed Seth. But Jeff had talked about Joel enough now that Jared knew it was impossible not to be concerned about that relationship.

"Yeah?"

Jared sensed the tension. Jeff glanced toward Jared as if trying to silently convey to Joel that maybe this conversation should be private.

Joel didn't seem to notice. His eyes looked inward and his words came out as if he were alone. "Yeah. He is still so beautiful."

"Joel … "

"I know. Jeff, I know. I just … wish I could save him."

"He doesn't need you to save him. He never did."

Joel stared hard at his brother. "You're wrong. I'm not talking about the monsters. But he sure as hell needs saving. I just … don't know if I can. Not every fairy tale ends happy." Glowing, cat-like eyes bore into Jared suddenly. "You understand, don't you? I see it in you. You _know_."

Jared swallowed. "Know what?"

"How to love."

Jared was locked into Joel's gaze. It was as clear and lucid as the sky after a downpour, the mist burned away by the quick blaze of the sun. Jared couldn't answer.

Jeff changed the subject by asking about what Joel had bought at the store today, and the moment vanished.

But Jared couldn't shake the feeling he'd been given a message that went deeper than any words spoken.

– – –

Three weeks to the day that Jensen ran away, he reappeared.

Jared had never given up. Had spent every day taking long, meandering walks, first in the neighborhood and then expanding to other less-than-stellar areas of the city, scouting out places where the indigent often ended up. He'd bring some supplies. Basic stuff that was easy to carry. Fruits. Bread. Yogurt. Bottled water and juice boxes. Socks. So little. But so much. Then he'd wander and hand things out. Sometimes he'd start up conversations. Not often. Most folks preferred to be left alone. When he could, he made some gentle inquiries.

It actually heartened him that people were reluctant to talk much about Jensen. He understood that the street people had trouble trusting outsiders. So even though it frustrated the hell out of Jared, he knew that it was safer for Jensen that folks weren't talking.

What Jared didn't expect was that the homeless were starting to talk about him. Jeff was the one that informed him of his reputation.

"They think you're Robin Hood or something. They call you 'Tall Guy.'"

Jared laughed. "I don't steal though. Do they think I'm giving out pilfered goods?"

This earned him a hearty chuckle back. "Probably. You're like Batman, Robin Hood and a freakin' angel, all wrapped into one."

"Flattery will get you anywhere. That the only reason for this call?" Jeff went quiet and Jared suddenly knew this was about Jensen. His heart plummeted. Oh god. "Is he okay?"

"I guess. I mean, I don't know. Haven't seen him."

"But … "

"I … think I have something new. A report from California. Could be nothing. A coincidence. But I'm digging further, waitin' on a call. It's just … Look. Let's meet, okay?"

Jeff agreed to come to Jared's apartment after Jeff's shift later that evening.

Jared just finished preparing dinner and was taking out his recyclable trash, juggling a stack of old newspapers in one hand and a bag full of empty beer bottles and cans and plastics in the other. Preoccupied with what Jeff might tell him later, Jared didn't even notice the huddled figure hiding behind the bright blue bins on the side of his apartment building.

"Jared."

Jared jumped and dropped the bag. The tinkle of broken glass broke the quiet.

"Omigod. Jensen." He took a step forward and then stopped, mouth hanging open stupidly. Arms aching to … hold. But Jensen was in full beast mode. Hidden and tight and restrained.

"Are you alright?" Jared asked when his throat remembered how to work.

"Beast fine."

Jared cringed. "You are not a beast," he said, almost out of habit.

Jensen took a step forward. He pulled his hood down on his own. Jared took in as much as he could within the dim light of the single bulb. Jensen's face was smudged gray, his beard had grown in obscuring the freckles. His hair needed a wash. And he was still so beautiful that Jared had to swallow down the surge of emotion coursing through him.

"I am fine. You must stop."

"Stop what?"

"Tall Guy. They all speak of you. Bring food, clothes. They say, angel. I know it is my Jared. But not safe. My world not safe. Please stop."

Jared took a step closer. Jensen wore a pair of sweats Jared didn't recognize but the same gray hoodie, only it was far worse for wear now. He could smell Jensen from where he stood, his body odor sharp and pungent. "You need a shower," he said, ignoring Jensen's request.

Jensen's nose unconsciously wrinkled as if he'd just smelled himself. His eyes were soft. "Jared. Why not listen to me?"

"Come upstairs. Use my shower. We can have dinner together. I made chili. Do you like chili? Real hot. Will grow hair on your chest."

Jensen looked at him oddly. "I have hair."

Jared smiled, recalling the soft, baby fine blondish hairs on Jensen's chest. He felt the heat puddle down low. He had to keep talking, keep Jensen from leaving. "They talk about you, too. The beast that shares his food. Keeps them safe. And they protect you. Nobody told me where I could find you." He took another casual step forward until they stood close enough to touch. He should be repulsed by Jensen's unwashed state. But he saw beyond it.

Ever so slowly, Jared raised his hand. When Jensen didn't flinch away, Jared touched Jensen's cheek with one finger. His whiskers were rough. "Why did you come back?"

"Fear for you. You do not stop." Jensen's hand came up and mimicked Jared's actions. A dirty finger stroked Jared's jaw. Jared leaned into it looking to increase the contact. His face fell into Jensen's palm.

"That the only reason?"

Jensen didn't answer but his eyes looked almost black in the golden light. Jared didn't wait, he took Jensen's hand firmly in his and walked him inside, up the stairs, into his apartment.

Sadie bounded over almost as happy to see Jensen as Jared had been. Jared watched silently as Jensen kneeled down to bury himself in her soft fur. He looked up at Jared, eyes wide and bright. "Sadie live here now?"

Jared's beaming smile was all the answer needed.

He watched Jensen and Sadie a few more minutes before disappearing into his bedroom and returning with clean clothes for Jensen.

Twenty minutes later Jensen emerged from the shower, hair dark with moisture, spiky and clean. His face was clean shaven once more. Jared's sweats were several inches too long on him and fell in a puddle near his ankles. The tee-shirt also hung loosely on Jensen's smaller frame. Jared looked at the slight steam wafting out of the bathroom's opening. The tub was probably scrubbed to within an inch of its porcelain shell. Probably cleaner than when Jared moved in.

Their eyes met and the heat that had started to build in Jared the minute Jensen pulled down his hood now began to simmer to a boil. He stepped into Jensen's space and grasped his upper arms, leaning down and pressing their foreheads together. Jensen smelled of strawberry shampoo and toothpaste and man. "Why did you come back?" he asked again.

Jensen pulled back and stared at Jared deeply, then raised his hands to Jared's neck and pulled down, smashing their lips together. Oh yeah. This was what Jared had been craving for weeks. Soft inviting heat and wet pulsing strokes that went straight to his cock. He moved them against a wall and pulled Jensen up until their groins shoved into each other and the heat, the fire, moving over his body was all consuming.

They kissed deep and long and dirty. Wet hungry thrusts that copied the movements of their lower bodies. Jared tugged Jensen's full lower lip between this teeth, flicking his tongue teasingly against it. They ground against each other in hungry gasps. Jared's hand drifted down, cupping Jensen's erection through the soft cotton. So hard. So hot. God. He pressed in tighter, teeth mashing and lips searching. Jensen pulled back breathless and tugged his tee-shirt off with a harsh grunt. Jared followed suit and quickly bent his head down to suck into Jensen's neck, feeling the blood pool and heat the surface under his teeth. Fuck. He was so hungry and Jensen … Jensen was his.

Jared's lips moved downward, licking hard and wet against Jensen's nipple until the bud tightened and reddened and Jared's fever rose to a level he didn't know he could reach. With a growl he dipped lower, tracking down Jen's chest, nibbling on his tight abs until he reached the trail of dark blonde hair eddying down from navel to sagging waistband of the too-large pants. Jared dropped down to his knees and yanked the sweatpants down in one harsh pull, freeing Jensen's cock to jab his lips. It was red and weeping and fucking perfect as Jared tested its tension in his fist and began to suck at the tip. Jensen let out a growl that was way more animal than human – and was the single sexiest sound Jared had ever heard.

Unbidden, he sucked Jensen in with one long breath and held Jensen's hip taunt with his free hand. He felt the pressure of Jensen holding back, trying not to buck wildly into Jared's mouth and looked up as he pulled his lips back slowly over Jensen's length. He kept only the crown in his mouth, suckling gently, playing languidly with his balls with the other hand and kept his eyes up until they caught Jensen's. The fiery green stare that met his dissolved all remnants of self-control and with his own growl he sucked that magnificent cock to the back of his throat. Pulling back he murmured up, "It's okay, fuck my mouth. Want you to."

Jensen lost it. Hips pistoning, he thrust into Jared's mouth uttering loud, unrestrained groans of pure pleasure. His hands dug into Jared's hair, pulling and tugging, almost harshly, except it felt good, it all felt good. Jared couldn't stand the pressure on his crotch any more. He yanked his pants open and pulled out his own dick. He sensed when Jensen noticed Jared jerking himself, stroking his own rigid cock in time with the pushes Jensen was making into his mouth.

As Jensen's plunges intensified he started calling out Jared's name in such a broken whisper that Jared lost himself completely, forgetting his own need in the urgent act of giving Jensen pleasure. He glanced up one last time as Jensen's head struck the wall behind him, body writhing wildly and Jared's name escaping on a sob. Jensen released fast and strong, filling Jared's mouth and shooting down his throat. Jared swallowed convulsively, inhaling air through his nose and savoring the salty taste until Jensen shuddered and melted limply against Jared.

Jared held Jensen tight, hand returning to his own cock, jerking hard and fast. Jensen slid down the wall until he was kneeling in front of Jared, and Jared shook as Jensen slipped his own hand over Jared's. The combination of their hands on his dick was so good, so hot, his cock jerked into his fist uncontrollably. Jensen murmured Jared's name before whispering, "Come on me." That was all it took. Jared's orgasm blasted out of him, traveling from his balls up and out, trembling through his body. He sagged into Jensen, letting Jensen support his weight, rubbing his come between their bellies.

When breath was possible Jared put his lips back to Jensen's once more, nearly dying from the intensity of Jensen licking his taste out of Jared's mouth like a kitten lapping up milk. It took a moment for Jared to realize that there was an unexplained wetness against his face, and he pulled back to see tears zigging down the side of Jensen's nose. "Jen?" he asked, suddenly concerned.

Jensen sunk into his shoulder, breath hitching as he fought for control.

"Jen? What's wrong?"

"Hurt," he muttered near Jared's ear.

"Did I hurt you?" Jared asked incredulously.

"Hurt without you."

Jared kissed him again, pouring everything he was too scared to say into it. They drank each other in. He used his discarded tee-shirt to clean them up and then helped Jensen pull his pants back up before donning his own. "C'mon," he said. "I have something to show you."

Jensen slipped his borrowed tee-shirt back over his head and followed Jared into the spare bedroom.

Jensen took in the small space. On one wall was a desk holding Jared's laptop, above it he'd installed some shelves which held some magazine files and books. A few favorite photos from trips he'd taken in matching simple black frames adorned the wall. The opposite wall held a futon. "That opens into a bed." He watched for the reaction in those burning eyes. "This. Is your room."

Jensen dropped onto the futon as if his legs could no longer hold his weight. "Beast thought … "

"What did you think, Jensen?"

"Police. Talk of hospital. Drugs. Jeff's brother crazy and you think, like Beast. I think, Jared does not know. Not understand. Because Jared good. Try to help me." For the first time Jared saw pleading on Jensen's face. "But will kill me. Do not want to go."

"Go where? Jensen, I'd never, ever make you go anywhere you didn't want to go. Never."

"They … lock me up. Never leave." He looked away, eyes hidden. "Hurt me."

Jared knelt down to face him, to look in Jen's eyes. He needed to understand.

Sadie barked suddenly. The doorbell rang. Jensen jumped up.

 _Shit_. That was Jeff.

Jared turned to Jensen. "Listen to me. Please. Jeff is here." At Jensen's panicked stare Jared took his hands in his. "Jen. Please. You know how I feel about you … I'd never let … I trust Jeff. He's a friend. A good friend. I was nuts when you were gone. Out of my mind. You left me. I didn't know if I'd … Don't run again. Please."

Jensen didn't say anything, but his face remained closed, scared. Jared sensed that Jensen wanted to flee, it was instinct. Years of survival kicking in. He understood but he _couldn't_ lose Jensen again.

The doorbell rang once more.

They stared at each other in silence. Jared felt his control breaking. "It hurts without you," he admitted, repeating Jensen's words.

"Will not go with him," Jensen said, voice steady.

"I understand that. I won't ask you to. Just stay here. I won't even tell him you're here. I promise."

He leaned in to press his lips softly back to Jensen's before closing the door behind him. This would not be easy. Jared trusted Jeff and he didn't want to lie to him. But he knew where his priorities lay. He ran into his bedroom to throw on a shirt and checked himself out in the mirror quickly. Best he could do.

He apologized as he opened the door. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I was in the bathroom."

Jeff entered, eyes instantly sweeping the space. "Everything okay?" he asked, leaning down to pat the top of Sadie's head.

Avoiding Jeff's eyes, Jared swiped absently at his hair. He glanced down to be sure his zipper was back up and sucked in air. "Sure. Just. You know, hard day. What did you want to tell me?"

He offered Jeff a beer and they both sat on Jared's plump sofa. Jeff hesitated a moment, eyes doubtful. Jared forced himself to meet the other man's gaze head on. Jeff must have been satisfied because he took a long swallow and grinned.

"I think we have a break. I think I found Jensen."

Jared's eyes widened. Found him? Not so much, given that Jensen was currently ensconced in Jared's spare room. _In Jensen's room_. As if to punctuate that point Sadie rapped up on the spare bedroom door with a loud whine.

"Sadie," Jared commanded. "Lie down." The dog whimpered once but then scampered to her favorite blanket and settled in with a final flick of her tale.

"Where? Where do you think he … I mean, where is he?"

"No, Jay. I don't know where he is. Sorry. But that's not … I know who he is. Or really … _was_. You see, Jensen is dead."

**Chapter 10**

Jared stared at Jeff. He had a million questions. But this wasn't the time to get them answered. Not with Jensen hiding in the bedroom. Dammit.

"You think this was … Jensen?"

The computer printout rustled in Jared's fist. It couldn't be. But the picture didn't lie. If this was true, then Jensen was anything but a homeless pauper. Or should have been.

Jeff's mouth pursed. "It's possible. The name's unusual. Not so much as a surname but as a first name … yeah. And the timing fits." His lips lifted in a smile. "Hey, if this pans out then your boy is an heiress." He joked. "So to speak."

Jared fingered his hair. Holy shit. Could any of this be possible? "What happens now? What do we do? How do we find out if they are the same person? DNA or something?"

"Dental records maybe. Or DNA, not sure. Of course … we'd have to find Jensen first." Jeff eyed Jared curiously. "You haven't seen him?"

"No." Jared forced himself to meet Jeff's eyes. Knew that if he didn't Jeff would suspect. He couldn't let Jeff catch on. It would be a betrayal to Jensen, and Jared, frankly, would rather die than face Jensen's face under such a circumstance.

"Well, if you do see him, tell him to come see me. Maybe we can give him back his past. But, Jared, none of that changes his situation. He still needs medical attention. And if this does turn out to be true … once we can get the courts to acknowledge him then he'll have the means to have the best possible care."

Jared's face reddened. "You're talking about institutionalizing him."

Jeff didn't flinch. "Yes. For a while." Jeff sensed Jared's resistance. "Jared, this isn't the Dark Ages. It's not _Cuckoo's Nest_. Nobody is going to cut into his brain." Jeff rose, clearly frustrated. "The reason it's helpful to have a limited hospital stay is so that the doctors can monitor the medications 24/7. Like I said, brain chemistry is subtle. Different medications and combinations work on people differently. There is no one size fits all. As soon as they stabilize Jensen, they'll release him as an outpatient." Jeff sat again and peered closely at Jared.

"If you want to help him, you'll need to let him go, for a little while," he said softly.

Jared didn't say anything. It was all too much. Jensen's potential past. The idea of trying to get him to agree to be locked up, even temporarily. He'd lose him. Jared knew this as clearly as he knew his own name. And that was just not acceptable.

But he nodded because he didn't have the luxury of arguing with Jeff. He needed Jeff to leave. A twinge of guilt hit. Jeff was trying to help. He was a good friend. Jared asked a final question. "What about the curse?"

Jeff tilted his head in confusion. "What about it?"

"Who was the witch? The old woman?"

"You still believe she existed?"

Jared didn't hesitate a second. "Yes." More than believe. Jared had to find her. Get her to remove the curse.

– – –

"Jen, did you hear what Jeff said?"

"Yes."

"If this is true … god, Jen. You … you're worth millions. Not that … I mean, I know you don't care about … " He swiped a hand over his face. "Damn, this is all coming out wrong. It means you have family out there. Well, some family at least. I'm sorry about your parents. I mean, if you are _that_ Jensen."

Jensen was on the floor, leaning up against the front of the sofa, knees up, head down, rocking slightly.

Jared looked down at him. Took in the small keening noises. Jensen was upset. Jared dropped down and sat next to him, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to do anything."

Jared felt Jensen press into his shoulder. He knew he received comfort from their touching. Worked both ways. Jensen spoke softly, muffled into Jared's side. "Jeff think hospital fix Jensen. Lock up."

Jared pulled back slightly and tilted Jensen's chin up to face him. "He believes that doctors might be able to help you to lead a … fuller life. To be able to see yourself like we do … to see how beautiful you are."

Jensen pulled away, face twisted. He rose in one fluid move. "Doctors make me sleep. Tame Beast. Not let fight."

Jared watched Jensen pace. His eyes glowed gold and his steps were predatory, slow and calculating with cat-like grace. Jared didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help. "When was this?"

Jensen looked at him, head tilting, deciding. Jared held his gaze. Jensen looked at his hands, counted off fingers, held up eight. "Think maybe … sleep much. Not sure."

Eight years ago. This matched what Jeff had told him about Jensen being institutionalized in Detroit. Since that discovery Jared had done some research. He'd had to stop because it was too upsetting. There were various abuse citations against that psychiatric facility. It was shut down five years ago. No charges were ever brought up but there had been some civil suits. All settled out of court. A soul as gentle as Jensen's caged in a place like that … Jared had stopped digging. He was afraid to know more.

But now he couldn't hide from this anymore.

"What happened in Detroit, Jensen?"

Jensen's eyes widened. "How Jared know?"

"Jeff told me. I know that you were in the municipal psychiatric hospital. I know that they let you leave as an out-patient after six months. And that you left town a few months after that."

Jensen looked at him for a long time. He stood still before covering his jaw with his hand and shutting his eyes. Jared knew he was deciding how much to trust.

"Jensen. You don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to talk about anything that you don't want to. It's just that I … want to help. To understand. Your experience in Detroit, it doesn't mean that a good doctor … a better place … "

Jensen tensed and let out a roar. The noise disturbed Sadie who popped up her head and let out a curious bark.

"NO! Cannot go back." He raced toward the door. Jared leapt up to stop him. Grabbed his arm.

"Jensen, please. I won't make you go anywhere."

"Jeff … police … take me …. Cannot. Will die first. This time. Will succeed."

Shaking he pulled Jensen up tight against him, fought his shudders. "I'd never let anyone take you against your will. Jensen … look at me … "

Wet green eyes pierced him. "Jared cannot fight police."

"No. But _you_ can. Jensen. If it's true … what Jeff uncovered. If you are the sole Ackles heir. Jensen don't you see what that means?"

Jensen slumped in his arms, losing some of his fight. "Beast not a prince."

Jared tried not to laugh. "Actually, I think you are. I grew up in Texas. The Ackles empire is legendary. Everybody knows the story. Oil at first, but then your grandfather and father grew the business into rigging and renewable energy and a host of other industries."

Jensen turned to look at him. "Father, mother - Jeff said dead?"

"Yes. Thirteen years ago, assuming you are Jensen Ackles, your parents were killed in an automobile accident. I was just a kid but I remember hearing about that. It was huge news. You … were seventeen. I … I'm sorry."

"Do not remember."

"Jensen … the blonde haired woman you remembered? Well, that could be your mother. We can find a picture, see if it is."

Jensen shook his head. Jared didn't push. "Not me," he said finally.

Jared pulled him closer. "Maybe. Wouldn't be too hard to find out. Don't you think we should?"

"Involve police. Lock up Beast."

Jared kissed the top of Jensen's head inhaling the strawberry scent. The other man kept his head buried and spoke his words into Jared's neck. "Drugs make me sleep. Do not remember all. Try to move but straps on arms. On legs. Other man. Next bed. Say to me, we are in zoo. Lock up Beast in zoo. Scared. Remember crying. Try to hide but straps tight."

Jensen pulled away now, began to pace as his words turned frantic.

"Time pass. Beast fight. Not want sleep so much. Not like pills. Feel sick. See things. They not like Beast. Say mean things. Spend day standing but not … asleep standing. At night go back. Man in room say, 'Welcome back to cage, Beast.'"

Jared's heart pounded. Something was so wrong. He wished he could say he was imagining things. That he'd watched too many bad Lifetime movies with Sandy. That this story wasn't going where he dreaded it was.

"Did … the man in the room with you … hurt you Jensen?"

"No. Try to help. Tell them no. Tell leave Beast alone. He try. But they take me to empty room. Say 'stay quiet.' Think, 'must fight.' Say no. But so tired. Sleepy. Only want to sleep. Hard to stand. Not remember."

He squeezed Jensen closer. "It's okay. Whatever you tell me, whatever you remember … you're safe now. I would never let anyone hurt you again like that."

Although he was now standing still, Jared could feel Jensen trembling when he resumed talking.

"Wake up in strange room. Not alone. Man there. Not same. Not zoo man. This one … mean, smiling man, give me more pills. He laugh at Beast. Say go along and be fine. Be a good Beast. Take pills and be good." Jensen's voice hitched. "Tr—y to be good and he not hurt me." Jensen shuddered and Jared felt moisture on his shoulder. "Mostly sleep. Sometimes wake up. Man … he … on me."

Jared didn't need to hear more. It hurt so much he thought he'd puke. He wrapped one hand around Jensen's neck and held him tight. "I am so sorry" was so inadequate.

Bizarrely, Jensen tried to comfort Jared, as if he couldn't stand causing Jared suffering. In spite of the fact that Jensen had been the one abused. "Jared. Do not cry. I am fine. Long time ago. Get out. Never let happen again. Stay away from police. Take care. Not sure what happen then. Too sleepy. But _not_ happen again. Know this. No one touch … except you."

Jared blanched. _Oh god_. He never should have. Jensen had been molested. And while Jared knew what they'd shared was different it still … he felt sick to his stomach again.

Jensen sensed the increase in his distress. He grasped Jared's face between his hands, forcing Jared to look at him. "No. Jared, no. Jensen want Jared. Want touch. Kiss. Please … " He leaned in and pressed their lips together gently. "Never think not want. Never. You are so good."

"I'd rather die than hurt you," Jared breathed into the other man's mouth.

"I know." Jensen kissed him again, slow and deep and _loving_. "Make happy."

Jared smiled. "You make me happy, too."

He sucked in air and tamped back the overwrought emotions floating between them. "Jensen. Don't you want to know who you are?"

"What if I not a prince?" His eyes darkened. "What if Jeff right? No curse. Just sickness. They take me away. Drugs. Sleep all the time. Like death. Witch wins. Be Beast always."

Jared looked deep into scared green eyes. "Whether or not you are one of the Ackles, you are still a prince. You're my prince. Handsome and brave, who blew into my life to show me what … how it should be."

Jensen looked at him slightly puzzled. Jared knew he was barely making sense, was spouting nonsense a five-year-old girl would be ashamed of. Could imagine what Jeff would say about all this whimsy. And he didn't care. He had two things to do. Help Jensen find his past. And find himself a witch. Not necessarily in that order.

– – –

Misha peered over Jared's shoulder and stared hard at the image on the monitor. "Holy shit. That's … Jensen."

It had taken three days for Jensen to agree to let Jared speak about this with Misha. "Yeah. I think so. I mean, he's younger. But … " Slowly, Jared was trying to get Jensen to accept this possibility about this past.

"That face. Hard to miss, Jay."

Jared's finger swept across the small image. "Yeah."

Misha moved back around to the other side of the desk and sank into the old side chair. "Talk about your Cinderella story."

Jared laughed. "More like the Prince and the Pauper. Only … well, there's only one of him. I hope."

"What's Jensen saying about all this? Does he remember being Texas royalty?"

"No. He … won't look at any photos. He doesn't … keeps saying it's not him. It's like a part of him doesn't want to know. Like he's afraid."

"Jeff still doesn't know you've located Jensen?"

Jared swiped his hair, leg bouncing and knocking against the bottom of the too-small desk. "No. And I hate lying to him. He suspects something's up. He's too good a cop not to. More than that. He's a friend."

The bell rang indicating someone at the door. Misha stood to head to the front. "It'll be okay."

Jared nodded, also standing. "Gonna walk Elvis and Buddy."

He'd just made it to the dog park and released their newest charges when Jensen approached him silently. Didn't surprise him. Jensen had a way of just appearing. The ubiquitous hoodie jacket was in place. But he also wore a coat over it … one argument won by Jared. The coat was huge on Jensen because it was one of Jared's old ones. Jensen refused to let Jared buy him a new one. Insisted that the work he put in at the shelter was volunteer and that Jared owed him nothing. Jared knew that Jensen felt a great deal of guilt still about Belle's mother and the other cats that he hadn't been able to save. The shelter work seemed to help assuage this somewhat.

But Jared had needed to tamp down his temper on several occasions since Jensen had reappeared. Including every evening when his spare bedroom sat empty. Jensen wouldn't sleep there. Would just disappear into the night saying his usual _I be fine_.

Jared acknowledged Jensen silently and set about distributing the breakfast food he'd brought with him in his usual manner. There were a few regulars in this park. An older African-American man missing some teeth. The apples didn't work for him. Jared had found some soft breakfast bars. They got soft and mushy with saliva and worked well for him. It was early and the man was just getting up.

"Tall Guy!"

"Hey Hank. How are you doing this morning?"

"Everythin' hurts, but what else is new?"

Jared smiled weakly and handed the small paper sack to the man as he sat upright on the bench. Inside was a small container of orange juice, a take-out coffee, and two cereal bars. Hank immediately went for the coffee, using the warmth to fight the morning chill. His breath fogged in front of him as he inhaled a sip. Jensen had been a few steps back but now slowly came forward.

"Cold," Jensen uttered almost as if he were questioning this.

Jared fingered his wool scarf and thought it certainly was cold. It was only early November and yet felt like winter was already upon them. He was about to take it off and wrap it around Jensen's neck when Jensen reached inside his oversized coat and pulled out a plaid throw blanket. It was small but thick and while obviously used it looked clean. He handed the blanket to Hank.

Hank hesitated. "Don't you need it? Cold these nights."

Jensen shrugged. "Have new coat."

"Well. Alright then." Hank took the blanket and Jared quickly helped the older man wrap it around his shoulders. "Thanks," Hank said just as Jensen started to walk away.

Jensen said nothing.

"Wait." Jared stood quickly and tried to stop Jensen from leaving. He leaned in so they weren't overhead. "Come over tonight. Don't sleep outside. It's too cold."

Jensen tilted his hooded head to Jared's ear. "Beast fine. Jared too good. I come help in shelter later."

Jared mumbled, "You aren't a beast" as Jensen disappeared back into the city's grip.

He turned back and looked to see what the dogs were up to. They were frolicking together. Another smaller dog had joined them. Jared sighed and pulled out his own coffee cup from a second paper sack. Hank patted the bench next to him.

"That boy can take of himself."

Jared looked into the Hank's weathered face with surprise. "I … know that." Jared wavered before proceeding. "How long have you known him?"

He didn't know if the other man would answer. Usually any questions about Jensen were met with resistance. Jared didn't know if this need to protect privacy stretched between all in the homeless community or was somehow unique to Jensen.

Hank's deep voice broke the silence. " 'Bout five years now. First saw the Beast over by the Chinatown Bridge. Well, heard him first. Someone was getting a tad too close and that just wasn't happening. Like I said, can take care of himself. Boy likes to shrink into himself. But when he stretches out he's almost as big as you. Scares most." Hank chuckled. "Not me though."

Jared startled at this, eyes opening wide. "He didn't scare you? How come?"

Hank's brown eyes softened. "Shouldn't be so surprised. Doesn't scare you neither."

They both sipped their coffee. Hank broke into the first of the cereal bars, gumming it until it softened. Crumbs fell on the blanket and Jared resisted the urge to brush them off. He shuddered slightly as the wind picked up. He played again with his scarf mad at himself for forgetting to give it to Jensen before he disappeared. "You know, don't you?" he asked the man next to him.

"Know what?" Hank got out between swallows.

"That he's not a beast."

Hank stiffened slightly. "Why you ask so many questions about that boy?"

 _Because he's out here when I'm safe and warm in my bed. Because I miss him like a permanent ache. Because he's the most beautiful person I've ever met._ " 'S nothing. I'm sorry. Just seen him around and wondered what his story was."

Hank considered him for a long time. Jared knew he had to get back to the shelter. He'd been gone longer than he'd intended. His ass felt frozen to the bench. How could Hank have slept out here all night?

"Tall Guy. You're all right. Take care of dogs and cats. The Beast though. He's a whole other kind of animal." Jared started to object but Hank kept going. "Yeah. I know. I know, okay. Got the face of an angel. But angels are warriors. Fierce when they need to be. Just don't forget that."

"I don't. I've seen it."

Neither said anything further as Hank finished up both bars and downed the orange juice. Jared stood and took the empty wrappers and containers to the nearby trash bin and then whistled for the dogs. After a few steps toward the exit Jared stopped and returned to Hank, touching his arm through the blanket. "Keep an eye on him?"

"Always do."

With a final nod Jared walked Buddy and Elvis back to the shelter.

– – –

"Whatcha find out?"

"Hello to you, too, Jay."

Jared frowned into the phone. "I'm sorry. Hi Jeff. I just … Did you reach Ackles, Inc.?"

"I did. Got transferred around six days till Sunday. Finally they put me through to their Legal Department. Was told a lot of wannabe heirs have popped up over the years but nobody has been legit."

Jared's frustration crested again. Jared had told Jeff that Jensen was back in touch, helping at the shelter. But Jeff also knew that Jensen was still resisting discovering his past and without Jensen's cooperation, proving that he was the real Jensen Ackles would be impossible.

"I emailed the photos. They agree that there is 'some resemblance.'"

"But they saw the photo? It's _him_ , man, anyone with eyes can see this." Jared fought the urge to pummel something. "Now what?"

"Jared. Jensen has to want this. We can't … if he wants his life back, we can get him an attorney to represent him. We need to prove his identity with a DNA test. Then the courts can reestablish his status."

"Status?"

"As alive, Jared. I told you … right now … Jensen is dead."

Jared hated whenever Jeff said that even though he knew what he meant. "Okay. I … okay." He sighed. Jeff was doing his best for no other reason than he was a good man. "Thanks Jeff."

"Yeah. Hey, weather folks are saying a storm's coming. Better stock up. Pizza won't be delivering."

Jared chuckled. "Uh-oh. Can see the headline now. Man found starved in his apartment because delivery services were curtailed."

"Last I looked you had beer and ketchup in your refrigerator."

"I shopped since then."

"Dog food's for dogs, Jay."

"Sadie will share in a pinch."

"Ugh. On that note I really gotta go. Call me if you talk some sense into your prince."

 _His prince?_ Jared wondered if Joel's whimsy was rubbing off on all of them.

– – –

Jared filed away Jeff's weather warning without too much thought. Weathermen rarely got things right. And even if it was really nippy it was still early November. Too early for snow.

Too bad nobody told Mother Nature.

Jared was the last to leave the shelter that evening. Alison left just after noon because she was working as a teaching assistant for a computer class at the university. It was cloudy when she left, the air cool and slightly damp, sky glowing pink. She yelled back to Jared and Misha as she pulled the door behind her, "Smells like snow."

They had a medical emergency in the back that Alona was attending to and Jared barely heard Alison because his attention was on processing the paperwork for that. The shelter provided emergency treatment on occasion. Mostly Alona did spaying and neutering on a volunteer basis. Sometimes things got hairier. A little while ago someone brought in a dog that had been in a car accident. Not hit by a car – the little dog was _in_ the car. Luckily, he only broke his leg and Alona just needed to splint it.

The dog's shaken owner lived near the shelter. Barely had enough money for food let alone an emergency vet bill. Jared already had a reputation for never turning anyone away. He left Misha out front and went back to assist Alona.

Alona smiled shyly as the dog's owner thanked her effusively. The little guy would be fine and running around like normal within a month. Jared packed up the medication and as many dog food samples he could gather and the woman disappeared just as the first flake fell. Jared never even noticed it.

By mid-afternoon Alona left. The snow was starting to stick. A thin layer painted the sidewalk. Misha manned the front but nobody came in. Jared was in the back office working on fundraising. This was a huge part of his job. Keeping their rag-tag shelter going took a surprisingly large amount of money. That meant grants and donations. It required a constant tapping of their meager donor base. Jared tried to be creative. Find new hooks, new ways to ask for the same thing. New ways to touch people's hearts and wallets.

Misha called out to him. "Jay. I'm going. Starting to come down hard. Don't stay too late, okay?"

Jared was updating their latest mailing list and cross checking it with a database he'd come across from a nonprofit trade organization that helped rank potential donors by frequency of giving.

"Yeah. I won't."

Jared really didn't hear Misha.

Nearly three hours later his back felt like it had been set in cement. The noise he made standing up was barely human. He washed out his coffee cup and gave the animals a final check, changing water and leaving some treats. Sadie wagged her tale as she waited. He felt a tinge of regret for all the animals that couldn't go home with him, but knew it was impossible to afford more than one dog at present. Every dime the shelter took in was plowed back into it. Jared drew a salary but it was just survival money. No luxuries (or multiple pets) allowed.

Coat and beanie on, he leashed Sadie before opening the door. Snow that had been piled against it plopped into the waiting room.

"Whoa! Sadie, when did this happen?"

Damn, he'd better shovel a little for the pedestrians before he left. Given how hard the flakes were falling it would be an exercise in futility, but Jared prided himself on the clinic's reputation as a good neighbor on the shabby block. He wrapped Sadie's leash around the doorknob and tried cracking his back as he walked to the back to get the old plastic shovel.

Jared really meant to only clear a footpath in front of the clinic, but since the next two storefronts were empty he kept going. It was a wet, heavy snow and the shovel was meant for someone a head shorter, so Jared felt like he was going to be permanently hunchbacked when he finally tucked the shovel back inside and pulled Sadie's leash free.

Sadie barked once before jumping into the snow next to Jared's crooked path, her belly leaving an oval indent. When Jared huffed a laugh at her prancing he felt his face crack with the cold. Pulling back the top of his glove, he touched the back of one hand to his cheek and the temperature difference stung. He'd bet his face was a brilliant shade of red. He felt a quick burning in his lungs as he sucked in a frigid breath.

Jared began the trudge to his apartment. The wet flakes struck his eyes in nasty little flicks and tangled in his lashes, then dripped onto his cheeks. Icy cold. He squinted against the pelting. A blizzard. And it wasn't even Thanksgiving yet. He decided he really needed to pay more attention to the environmentalists' alarms over climate change. Although global warming. Not so much today. He raised his collar and pulled Sadie's leash when she squatted to pee, pressing herself near the side of a building.

"C'mon girl. Let's get home."

It wasn't a long walk. He lived only a few blocks away. Took about three times longer than normal. He'd never been as happy to see the crumbling front stoop of his building. The old brownstone probably had been a very respectable home once, a very long time ago. Now it was divided into five apartments. He stopped inside the tiled front lobby entry and looked back at what he had just slogged through. All he could see was white. Like someone had erased the world.

His footprints and Sadie's paw- and belly-prints were already vanishing. Sadie shook herself and flakes scattered all over the small front vestibule. Jared looked down at himself. He looked like the abominable snowman. Sadie whined at him plaintively and tugged toward the narrow stairs. "Yeah. I know. Wanna warm up on your blanket, eh?"

Jared stared out at the blankness one last time, the chill that seized his heart matching the cold of his limbs as he made his way slowly up the stairs, leaving a trail of melting snow.

He quickly stripped off his soaked clothes and donned a soft pair of sweats and a tee-shirt. Wind was slicing through the poorly fitting window frames, giving the apartment a chilly edge, so Jared pulled an old flannel shirt over the tee. Sadie followed him into the kitchen and he fed her before heating himself some canned soup. Even though it had been hours since he'd last eaten, every swallow felt like a chore. He gave up after his fourth spoonful, pushed it away, and walked to the window in the hopes of seeing that the weather had eased.

Not that he had a great view but his attic-level apartment was high enough to see over a few blocks. While the angled eaves of the roofline necessitated ducking his head to see the full sky, Jared had appreciated that he could get a view of more than another building's brick wall. When he'd taken the apartment he found the feature charming. Only tonight there was no sky. Just a pale, featureless slate that shimmered as if caught in a river current. He nudged the window open and the freezing wind lashed his chest. It burned harsh and unforgiving through the fabric of his two shirts. He lowered his face and the bitter air stroked his cheek like the edge of a blade. He let his face burn for as long as he could stand it, then pulled back into the warmth of the room.

_How many people had no warm place to retreat tonight?_

And Jared felt guilty that he could only care about one of them being safe.

The slam as he clamped the window shut shook the small space. Jared's eyes were tearing from the cold except it didn't stop even when his face was warm again. This was just not acceptable. He couldn't … _wouldn't_ live with this. He wanted to scream. To rage. To fucking roar. Instead, he walked silently into his bedroom to rummage for his boots. Sadie looked up curiously from the snug spot on her blanket in the corner. Jared read her thoughts.

"I know, girl. But he's out there."

He pulled his warmest parka out of the closet. Started to put it on, then decided to stuff it in a plastic bag instead, and put back on the sodden jacket he'd worn for the trek home from the clinic. He paused upon feeling its dampness and layered a hoodie underneath it. Sadie uttered a soft cry as she followed him toward the door. He leaned down to give her a quick squeeze. "I'm going to bring him home."

The snow cut sideways, whipping mercilessly around him. He kept his eyes as small slits and pounded forward. The force of walking against the wind made Jared keep his head down, except for darting glances down each alley he passed. Jared had asked Jensen once if he'd ever stayed in a city shelter. He'd gotten a derisive look in return and the words _not safe_.

Jared knew his odds of finding Jensen in this mother of all storms was pretty slim. In fact, he had only one place to look. Hank's words from the other day were the only clue he had, when Hank had said he'd first met Jensen under the Chinatown Bridge. During the weeks when Jared had been looking for Jensen he'd passed by that way. Wasn't far from the shelter. He hadn't ever seen Jensen, but found a few folks who'd set up temporary shelter within the wide eaves in the bridge's underbelly who'd nodded in wary acknowledgment when Jared had asked if they'd seen Jensen around.

His hand clutching the bag with the parka was numb. He guessed he was harboring some idea of making Jensen put it on over the older jacket Jared had given him a couple weeks ago. As usual, Jensen had tried to refuse. But Jared had won that battle.

One, two cars crept cautiously down streets that normally pulsed with traffic. For all that this was a city of nearly a million people, right now it could have been the Apocalypse and Jared the last man surviving. But not for much longer.

He started shouting as soon as he detected the vague shape of the structure ahead of him. A faintly darker blot in the whited-out world. "Jensen!" His voice disappeared into the swirl. He could hardly sense his legs, had long ago stopped feeling his feet. Everything had passed beyond being merely cold to icy burn. The huge stone structure of the bridge's under-path grew closer in his blurred vision. "Jensen!"

A speck of dark marked a nook within the massive concrete base. Close to the bridge the brutality of the wind abated a little, and Jared finally felt like he could catch his breath. Although the deep inhalation instantly set off a fit of coughing that caused him to double over. He'd been holding himself so rigidly against the whipping wind that the act of bending made his back muscles cramp. His thighs ached from their shroud of cold, wet denim. He was miserable.

He'd only been out for thirty, forty minutes…

A figure wrapped in a blanket peered out at him, Jared could read the hesitation to stay or flee. Too short to be Jensen. But maybe … Jared lurched his frozen body closer to the shape as non-threateningly as he could.

"Have you seen the Beast?" The person stared at him. "Please. I only want to help. Have you seen him?"

No response, as if Jared's words had not been spoken.

Dammit. He passed the nook and worked his way deeper into the concrete and steel underbelly. More figures were huddled behind makeshift shelters dotting the drifts of snow. Tin corrugated sheets created lean-to walls which flanked the cement crevices. He'd seen these the last time he was here but hadn't really paid attention. Tonight the shock of seeing these feeble defenses against the frigid air crawled under his skin like an army of ants.

"Jensen!" he shouted again.

"Tall Guy."

Jared turned abruptly at the soft cry. "Sharon?" He'd met her before when looking for Jensen. She spent nicer days in the park. Usually she and Hank were near each other. Not quite friends. It was impossible to form true relationships under these circumstances. But he knew they looked out for one another.

"Where's Hank?" Jared asked worriedly.

"Pine Street Shelter," she answered, voice husky. Sharon was an alcoholic. Whisky had roughened her voice to sandpaper. Jared hoped she hadn't been drinking now. Lowering her body temperature was the last thing she needed in this storm.

"How come you're not there?"

"Tried. Couldn't make it. Beast got me here. 'S okay. Got some kerosene heaters. We'll be fine." She continued to eye him curiously. He pulled down his soaked hood.

"You've seen him? Where is he?"

"Findin' others. Usual spots too open, too wet. I tol' him to leave it. Folks stupid enough not to help themselves. Tol' him to leave me, too." This last was said defensively although Jared hadn't said anything.

She turned abruptly and went back into her small shelter of tin. Jared saw another body huddled inside, wrapped in a blanket. Except … _No._ That wasn't a blanket. The person was wrapped in a familiar coat. Jared's heart pounded uncontrollably. He shoved through the makeshift doorway. "Where'd you get that?"

Sharon stared at him, mouth dropping. Jared had never raised his voice around anyone before. "Tall Guy. Janet didn't steal it. She don' steal. Beast give it to her. Janet, tell him."

A tiny, quivering voice rode the cold air. "He gave it to me. Said to take it. Didn't steal it."

Jared couldn't speak. He could barely breathe. Jensen was out there without a coat. That was beyond dangerous. That meant he could … He turned back to the raging storm with impotent grief. He took a few steps out of the sheltering structure. Immediately the icy pelting stole his breath.

_Which way should he go? Which way would Jensen be?_

Jared stumbled away from the bridge, letting the gusts direct him in a jagged path. He had no idea of time, his brain was as frozen as his body. Every so often he would lift his head and call Jensen's name against the snow, but no matter how loudly he tried to force his voice the blizzard swallowed the word.

He couldn't move, something was against him … Oh. With detached numbness Jared realized he was sprawled full-length in a drift. He recoiled from the bite of the snow against his body, but as he pushed himself up snow seeped down the wrists of his gloves and up his sleeves. So cold it seared. Upright he took a step and tripped over the trash bag at his feet. Parka. For Jensen. Near impossible to pick up with fingers that he couldn't feel when he moved them.

He had to get out of the wind for a moment. Go back to the bridge? He spun his body back in the direction he thought he'd come from.

One clear thought. _This is madness._

Keep moving. Jared shuffled forward a few steps. Couldn't even pick his feet up now.

A figure was slowly laboring toward him, head down against the punishing gusts. Jared tried stumbling toward it.

"Jensen!" he tried to yell, his heart hammering as the man looked up and stopped. "Jensen," he let out again in a small huff, overwhelming relief locking him in place.

Jensen was buried beneath layers of snow. The hoodie covered his head, a scarf swathed his neck and face. He was wrapped in something, maybe a blanket. It, too, was dripping with melting snowflakes. Jared's legs had stopped functioning. Frozen glass eyes stared at Jared like they were viewing a mirage, and a hand snaked out to grab the front of Jared coat. "What do you do?"

It took Jared a moment to catch up. Jensen was here. Standing. Not dead of hypothermia. _Here_. And pissed off.

"I was looking for you. Oh my god, Jen, I found you. Well you found me. Jesus … I'm too cold to think. Come home with me. Please."

Jensen pulled the blanket in closer, put his hand back inside the covering. "Sharon said you look for me. Beast fine. Stay here."

Jared was too numb to get mad. He just was not going to let Jensen stay here and freeze. "It's a freakin' blizzard. You can't … I can't … " He lunged onto Jensen hard and damn if anything was going to make him let go.

Jensen stiffened in his grasp. Jared just held on tighter and knew he was shaking like a blender was turned on beneath his coat but he couldn't help himself. "Pl—ease," he stuttered too low to be heard. Jensen tried again to pull away. Jared leaned down, reaching inside Jensen's scarf to touch Jensen's face but stopping before his frosted gloves could chill the stubbled cheek "I won't go home while you're out here."

Jensen heard that. Immediately he started shaking his head in disagreement. But Jared held firm. Jensen raised his voice, "Jared. No. You must go home."

"Only if you come with me."

The air flickered and Jared wondered how it could be lightning in a blizzard.

A car horn made both of them jump.

"Jared! You're an idiot!" An SUV pulled up beside them. The door swung open. "Get in. Both of you. What are you, nuts?"

Without a doubt, Jared thought, as he heard Jeff's voice. Relief flooded through him. He turned to Jensen. "He'll take us to my apartment. Nowhere else."

"You go with him. I can walk. Meet you there. Promise, Jared."

Jared believed that Jensen would come. He didn't think he'd break a promise. But. He'd promised once before not to leave Jared. And yet he'd run away. Not that any of this mattered. There was no way he was going into a warm car while Jensen stood freezing. "You know I can't," he said simply.

The horn blasted again. They stood staring at each other several moments. Jensen growled low in obvious frustration. "Jared too good," he bit out suddenly before taking a step toward Jeff's car. Jared tried to force his frozen face into a smile. He opened the back door for Jensen and waited until he was inside before shutting it behind him. He climbed into the seat next to Jeff, pulling his door shut against the horrible storm, the bag with the coat falling between his legs.

"About damn time," Jeff grumbled with a quick eye in the rear view mirror at Jensen and a long sideways glance at Jared.

**Chapter 11**

Jeff dropped them off in front of Jared's building. Jared turned to his friend, his hands were still numb, feeling slowly returning. He knew enough to know that much longer and he would have been in serious trouble.

"Jeff, you gonna be okay driving home? I still can't believe you drove to find us in this storm."

"I'll be fine. 'S not far. Go on. Get yourself in a hot shower before your fingers fall off." Jeff looked back at Jared a long moment before grumbling, "Moron" under his breath.

Jared replied, "Thank you." He couldn't let himself feel insulted. His actions had been stupid. But he'd do it again. Jeff merely nodded.

The snow still fell heavy, showing no sign of abating any time soon. It took all of Jared's strength to force the car door open against the galing wind. He quickly helped Jensen out and held onto his shoulders. Together they forced themselves through nearly two feet of snow to the steps. Wading in it as ice seeped through his jeans into his veins took away the last of Jared's strength. Standing was proving tough and Jared fumbled with the keys so long that Jensen took them from his trembling fingers and worked the lock open himself. He put his arm around Jared's waist and pulled him inside. They stopped together leaning against the shut door to catch their breaths.

They didn't speak as they worked their way up to Jared's fifth floor apartment. Jensen waited patiently at each landing for Jared to pull himself together enough to move on. He gave Jensen his key at the door. He still couldn't feel his fingers enough to open the lock.

Sadie pounced on them as soon as they were inside. Jensen kneeled down to pet her, losing his fingers in her fur. "Missed you," he uttered into the top of her head. Jared stood leaning against the door. Sadie whined at him and Jensen looked up. "Jared?"

He needed to move. Take off the soaked clothing. Remove his shoes. But all he could do was shiver. The trembling took over and his body felt like it was filled by a million angry bees trying to fight their way out of his skin.

"Jared!" Jensen was pulling his coat off and Jared watched it fall to the floor in a wet plop. Jensen knelt back down. "Jared, step up." Jensen was trying to wiggle his sodden boot off. It took a few minutes but finally his boots and socks were off. He was being pushed along toward his bedroom.

"Take off clothes," Jensen said. Jared stood in the bedroom doorway, leaning on the frame. Jensen took one of the two blankets he must have had wrapped around himself and started wiping down the track of snow and water they'd made up the bedroom. Jared just stood staring. Jensen returned to him quickly noticing that Jared was still not moving.

"Jared. Clothes wet." Jensen squeezed his arms but Jared couldn't do much more than hear his teeth clatter and stare.

He heard Jensen swear under his breath and disappear into Jared's bedroom. He came out holding up a shirt and sweat pants. "Please put on." Jensen lifted the bottom of Jared's soaked shirt and pulled it up. Jensen was shorter than Jared and lifting the shirt over Jared's head was impossible without Jared's cooperation. Jared forced his arms up and bent at the waist slightly, letting Jensen pull the cold, wet cloth from his skin. He felt his jeans opening and strong fingers forcing them down his legs. They were wet and stuck against his legs like a cold second skin.

Roughened fingers rubbed his legs briskly before Jensen held the dry pants for Jared to step into. Jared held onto Jensen's shoulders for balance. His bare torso was quickly covered by the shirt Jensen had brought him. A few minutes later his dripping hair was being towel-dried as Jensen ordered him to bend. A distant part of him thought he should be doing this. He should be taking care of Jensen who was also wet and cold and nearly frozen. Who didn't even have a coat in that horrid storm. Who'd been out there for hours helping others find their way to warmth. Who was so good it was hard to believe he was even real.

A shaky laugh escaped his lips. He forced himself to focus on Jensen. The other man had put on dry clothes. Maybe when he'd gone to get Jared's change of clothes. The shirt he wore was one of Jared's old favorites. The sleeves were long and Jensen's hands disappeared. He'd slipped into the pajama bottoms that Jared had left on the bed from that morning. Seeing them on Jensen warmed something deep inside Jared.

"Come," Jensen ordered. Jared shuffled his bare feet along the wood floor following Jensen to his bed. Jensen pulled back the covers and ushered Jared into the bed. Curling in on his side, he felt the blankets being tucked around him. He shuddered into their warmth.

Movement ceased and he heard the creak of someone walking across the room. "No," he said as loudly as his hoarse throat would allow. "Pl…ease. Stay."

Hesitation. Then slowly the bed dipped and Jensen slipped under the blanket behind him. A strong arm came around his stomach and Jared grabbed onto it with an iron grip. A shiver ran through him causing Jensen to ease even closer, putting his knee between Jared's thighs. He felt warm lips against the nape of his neck.

"I couldn't … I couldn't find you." Jared let the words slip like air through his chapped lips.

"Hush. It is okay. You are okay. Warm now."

Jared shifted, needed to see. Bright green eyes peered back at him. "I couldn't find you," he repeated. His brain was stuck, like an old record that kept stuttering the same note.

Hands skimmed the hair back from his eyes. "Dangerous to look for me. Jared should not."

"She had your coat." Jared suspected he was making minimal sense but the cold seemed to have zapped half his brain cells. What were left were still thawing.

Jensen seemed to understand. "Janet is Sharon sister. They live together before lose apartment. Janet not see well."

"It was cold, Jensen."

"Yes."

Jared leaned in and buried his face beneath Jensen's chin. "You didn't have a coat." Jared didn't know how to stop stating the obvious. Didn't know what he expected Jensen do say about this. It's not like he thought Jensen would apologize for giving away his coat. Jensen would just freeze and think it was all he deserved. "Dammit, why can't you get it."

Jared had mumbled this and so was surprised that Jensen had heard him. "Janet small. Frail. So cold." Jensen lifted up on his elbow and tilted Jared's chin toward him. Their eyes met in the white glow coming in from the window. I have jacket, blankets. Two pair pants – you give me. Warm socks and new boots. She have less. I be fine." He paused and touched Jared's face. "You too cold. Dangerous. Not used to it like Beast … like I am. Scared for you." He sucked in a deep breath and Jared could feel the concern wavering off his body. "Jay, you have to stop."

Jared was too tired to argue. He couldn't stop. And he didn't know how to explain it to himself let alone to Jensen. A yawn escaped. Jensen's lips twitched into a small grin. He placed a kiss to Jared's forehead. Jared felt the heat of it like a brand. "Safe now," Jensen said softly. "Sleep."

"Don't leave."

"Shh. Sleep now."

Jared pulled Jensen in closer against him, their legs entwined beneath the blanket. The wind whipped the window in a persistent rattle. He pictured Sharon and her frail sister sustained by one small heater in a dwelling barely fit for a rat. His heart beat loud in his chest as a final wave of emotion flooded his system. "Swear, dammit. Swear you won't leave."

It felt like a long time before Jared felt Jensen's nod and softly spoken, "I promise. I will be here in the morning."

Exhaling Jared let himself rest.

– – –

The sun was blindingly bright as it streamed in the following morning, reflecting off the snow like a spot light. Jared stretched lazily and put an arm out. He pushed into soft blankets and a pillow and sat up with a start. _Jensen_. No. He couldn't have left already. He'd promised.

Jumping up Jared raced into his main living space. Empty. His heart sank further until the soft sound of a tap running from the bathroom kick-started it again. He swung the door open disregarding any notion of privacy. "Jensen."

Jensen stood at the sink, toothbrush in his mouth scrubbing away. He turned to Jared mouth slightly blue from the toothpaste gel, eyebrows starting to rise at the unexpected intrusion. Jared laughed, loud and bursting in the small space. Jensen's brows drew together in a faint frown and he spit the toothpaste out, rinsing out the brush.

Jensen reached down and picked up the discarded cardboard packaging that had held the new toothbrush. "I found this," he told Jared. Jared nodded. "Would not take but says 'Jensen'." Jared nodded again. He'd bought the spare toothbrush when he'd first moved in and had written Jensen on the packaging with a black Sharpie.

Jensen studied Jared's face curiously, like he was trying to figure out what planet he came from. Jared ignored the stare and asked instead, "Jen. How do you take care of your teeth so well? I mean, they look like they're in good shape."

Jared gently shoved Jensen over and started brushing his own teeth. He looked into the mirror but Jensen refused to look that way, kept his eyes on Jared instead, avoiding the mirror. Jared spit quickly and turned back to Jensen expectantly.

"Why write Jensen on toothbrush?" Jensen asked, ignoring Jared's question.

"Because it's yours," Jared answered simply. He smiled, licked his tongue over his own now clean teeth. "Had your name on it, right?"

Jensen shook his head in a way that Jared had come to realize he was indulging Jared. He left the bathroom to Jared.

Jared took a quick shower. He'd realized Jensen had already showered because his hair had been wet. The tub and tiles were gleaming. He tried to recall if they'd looked this good on the day he'd moved in when the landlord had made this huge point of letting Jared know that he'd had a cleaning crew in to get the place all ready for the new tenant. Nope. It had never looked this clean. Jared smiled.

He exited the bathroom quickly, towel wrapped around his waist, not wanting to give Jensen the opportunity to sneak out before they had a chance to talk. He smelled coffee and looked toward the kitchen where Jensen stood holding a steaming mug. He turned at the sound of Jared's footsteps and the mug shook slightly in Jensen's hand. Jared flushed as Jensen's eyes widened and then slowly moved down the long length of his towel-clad body. It's not like he'd never been appreciated physically before but the sheer desire shining in Jensen's eyes made him feel suddenly very naked, very wanted, and very, very aroused.

Jensen licked his lips in a way that immediately turned Jared even harder. Jensen put down the mug and approached Jared slowly, feet barely lifting in an odd floating shuffle. Jensen stopped in front of Jared and put one hand tentatively on Jared's bare chest, splaying his calloused hand over Jared's heart. Looking up, he tucked a stray wet strand of hair behind Jared's ear. Such a small movement, yet incredibly intimate, and the air between them buzzed with invisible charges.

Jared put one hand to the side of Jensen's cheek. Smooth. He had shaved. Jared leaned in with no thought other than the need to feel those lips press his again. It was leisurely and petal soft. Jared inhaled coffee and toothpaste and that unique taste that was pure Jensen. Familiar. Right. Home. Jensen sighed into the kiss and brought both arms up to pull Jared down closer while his lips slowly parted. The kiss deepened and Jared groaned into Jensen, his erection full and insistent, making his hips move of their own accord.

Jensen started kissing down Jared's jaw and onto his neck, his teeth nipping and his tongue immediately soothing. Jared could only stand and moan. Jensen licked down Jared's chest, stopped with his tongue pressed flat against a nipple, before bringing his lips back together to pluck at the hardening bud and then tonguing it full out again. Damn. Jared hadn't even realized how sensitive he was there but the reaction to Jensen's deliberations spoke for itself. He pulled Jensen's tee-shirt to strip it off his body, and let himself also touch. Jensen's mouth was lower now on Jared's chest, working his tongue down his abdomen with quick swirly licks and Jared was afraid he would fall. Then the towel disappeared and full, plush lips surrounded his cock and Jared's legs did stumble. He heard a little chuckle below him and Jensen pulled away just long enough to guide Jared to the sofa.

He landed with a soft plot and then Jensen was between his legs once more and all rational thought fled. He looked and watched his cock disappear between Jensen's sinful lips. Green eyes turned black with lust met his with undisguised need before gently shutting as he descended down Jared's shaft, swallowing him deep inside. The motions continued, slow and steady. Long deep sucks followed by Jensen hollowing out his cheeks and drawing back up only to come down again and again. "Fuck … oh god … Jen … " Jared knew he was muttering incomprehensibly but the feeling was so good, so unbearably hot that he felt the familiar tell-tale signal low on his spine that he couldn't hold it back any longer. "Jen … Imma gonna … "

He thrust hard into Jensen's welcoming mouth as the flush of his orgasm washed over him in rolling, exquisite waves. Jensen sucked and swallowed through Jared's shudders until he reluctantly let Jared slip out of his mouth with one last long lick. Jared's head was against the back of the sofa, panting softly, body as floppy as a noodle. Jensen climbed up next to him, eyes dancing brightly. "Good morning," he whispered directly into Jared's ear.

Jared turned at this, capturing Jensen's mouth slowly and licking inside to tease his own taste out of the other man's mouth. Dirty and delicious and so erotic he thought he could get aroused again. Well, almost. He fought an inner chuckle and brought his hand down to Jensen's crotch to reciprocate. Jensen covered his hand with his own over the soft fabric of his sweats. "No need," he said on a breath. "I … me, too."

He met the other man's shy duck and lifted his chin up with one finger. "You came while you … were doing me?"

Jensen nodded, cheeks starting to color adorably. Jared smiled broadly. "Fuck … that's hot."

Jensen smiled back leaning in for another quick kiss before rising. "Must clean up." He disappeared back into the bedroom to grab yet another pair of pants and then dashed back into the bathroom.

Jared took the time to get dressed, his body still warm and pliant from what had just happened. It was getting impossible to resist the sensual pull Jensen had on him. A small part of him still worried that he was taking advantage, that it wasn't right. He knew they needed to talk about this. About the attraction. About them. But there was so much else that also needed to be discussed. He knew he had to table his personal needs for now.

They met back in the kitchen where Jared reheated Jensen's discarded coffee. Jensen took the hot mug gratefully.

"Jen?" Jared began carefully as he poured them both cereal for breakfast.

Jensen stared at him expectantly.

"I remembered you."

"Wh–at?"

"I was a kid when it happened. Not yet thirteen. But it was all over the news … the accident that killed your parents."

"Jared—" Jensen started interrupting.

"No. Let me finish, please. After Jeff told me who he thought you were I did some research online. Found old newspaper reports and that's when I remembered. Remembered the story about you. There was a photo in the newspaper of the funeral. There were hundreds of people there by the graveside. But you … you stood alone. I remembered that picture, Jen. You wore sunglasses and stood so straight. It was morning and my dad had left the paper on the table and I stared at that photo while my mom fixed me breakfast. And then Momma came in and put my eggs down in front of me and looked over my shoulder at what I was looking at. She said, 'Shame about that boy. Lonely little prince.' I … never forgot that. Never forgot her saying it or the photo of that boy standing so alone." Jared stopped, voice getting slightly hoarse.

He met Jensen's wide gaze. It was locked between disbelief and wonder. "That boy … was you, Jensen," Jared finished softly. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, opening it slowly. He'd printed the old newspaper article with the photo. The resolution was crappy and the photo not all that clear but it still made his heart pump and handing it to Jensen felt momentous. Like it was the second everything would change.

Jensen unfolded the paper with slightly shaky hands. His fingers clutched it tight and Jared could tell he was slowly reading the words. The article detailed the tragic accident that had taken the lives of Alan Ackles and his wife Donna. Ackles was CEO of Ackles, Inc., multi-billion dollar worldwide company. Jensen Ackles, seventeen, was their only son and heir. Jensen touched the photos of Alan and Donna with his index finger. Then he grazed over the boy's face with his thumb.

He looked up at Jared. "Cannot be me."

"I think it is." Jared held out his hand and drew Jensen with him to his den. He turned on his laptop and quickly clicked to the pages he'd saved. Another article came up from a local Dallas magazine. This one showed various photos of a young man, tall, poised, with dirty blonde hair that fell in swoops over the sides of his temples.

"This is from before the accident. Jensen, c'mon … that's you."

"How can be me? Not me. That boy pretty."

Jared chuckled. "You sure were." He met Jensen's bewildered stare. "Still are."

"Do not remember before curse." Jensen frowned as he studied the pictures. When he straightened up there was the oddest look on his face.

Jared could barely hear the whisper. "May—be."

Wow. That was the closest to acceptance that Jensen had ever gotten. Jared felt hopeful. "We can prove it, Jensen. We can take a DNA swab. Then it would be compared with something of Jensen Ackles – something of yours from before. It will match. According to Jeff, then you'd be able to petition the courts to reestablish your status – to be you again."

– – –

Samantha Ferris did not like surprises. So when the photographs Legal forwarded came to view on her e-mail, showing Jensen Ackles – alive – she felt a staggered moment of disorientation. After ten years how could this be? They'd looked everywhere. Followed the trail from the accident until it disappeared into nothingness. It's not like nobody had tried. The police, private investigators. Hell, they had that public hotline set up and thousands of people had claimed to see Jensen. Except it was never him. Just desperate people trying to cash in on the billions he was worth.

At the time she'd not been too involved. Even though Samantha was a second cousin of Alan Ackles, she barely knew Alan or Donna and had met Jensen only once as a young boy. Her father had worked for the firm for years and had gotten her a job after she graduated college. Jensen was a stranger, as their paths almost never crossed. Truth was, she hadn't thought much of the kid one way or another. Spoiled rich boy. Sure, right after the tragic car crash that killed his parents she'd felt sorry for the teenager. It was sad to be left an orphan, no matter how much money you had. She'd tried to approach him at the funeral, being pretty much the only family he had, but he'd stood ramrod straight and had ignored her. She'd walked away from that and hadn't attempted any further contact.

At least the kid hadn't made any management changes at Ackles, Inc. He didn't pretend to have a clue about the business. He moved from the Dallas ranch to the Los Angeles estate and apparently did nothing but party and spend money.

But that was okay because it wasn't company money after all, and as long as he didn't interfere she didn't care much. Sure it was embarrassing the few times he'd gotten caught on film doing idiotic things and it made the firm look bad by association since it was still his name on the masthead. But Samantha had essentially ignored the boy. He made no difference. She'd worked hard and concentrated on her career and kept rising. Three years after Alan Ackles' death her own father, now retired, died. That same year she was named Vice President of U.S. operations and Sam felt like she was holding onto a rocket that could never stop.

When, a few weeks shy of his twentieth birthday, the Ackles' heir vanished, the press enjoyed it and the tabloids nursed the story for months. Shareholders were less pleased given his controlling interest, and the atmosphere at the company was depressed and panicked. Samantha rose to her full potential in the void. In the first three years following Jensen's disappearance she determinedly worked her way up the ladder. The courts declared Jensen dead seven years after he vanished. This didn't particularly surprise Samantha. What did shock her was that because Jensen didn't have a proper will, his estates and controlling shares of Ackles, Inc. went to her as next of kin.

That same year Samantha was named CEO.

She stared at the photo on her monitor long and hard. Damn. It looked like it could be him. What did this mean? What the hell had happened to him? And why was he back now?

– – –

Jensen spent hours reading about himself. He emerged from the office with a small frown. "He was not very nice."

Jared clicked the TV set off and patted the sofa indicating Jensen should sit. He turned and tucked one foot beneath his thigh before continuing. "Jen, you were a kid. You just lost both your parents at once. There was no other family to speak of. C'mon, man, give yourself a break."

It was Saturday and even though Jared had taken to going into the shelter every weekend since splitting with Sandy, he'd called Misha and said that he was taking the day off. The crazy weather had slowed down the city, but the plows had done their jobs and the streets were negotiable again. The two of them hadn't left the warmth of Jared's apartment yet, and for this Jared was grateful. He knew that once Jensen left he might not come back.

"Jay, possible is it?" Jensen shook his head in that way that Jared knew he was working out words in his mind. "I mean. Is it possible?"

"Is what possible?"

"Can I really be that boy?"

Jared smiled at him. "Yes. Only you aren't a boy any longer. You are that man."

Jensen stared at him before shutting his eyes a moment. When they opened again they met Jared's and filled with resolve. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"I will do what you ask. We will find out. If he is me I must know." He paused and looked away a moment before returning his gaze to Jared. "But Jared … who was the witch?"

"I don't know. But we found you. We can find her, too."

Jared phoned Jeff right away, afraid that Jensen would change his mind. He spoke briefly to Jeff before asking the other man to hold.

"Jensen. Jeff asked us to come over to his place. He can take the DNA swab there. Would that be okay?"

"Not police station?"

"No. Not the police station. Just to his apartment. It's safe. I promise."

They knocked on Jeff's door less than an hour later. Joel answered and Jensen retreated behind Jared, breath coming out in harsh little bursts. "Jen, it's okay. This is Joel, Jeff's brother. He's a friend."

They entered the apartment slowly. Jensen had on another used coat he'd let Jared buy him after much cajoling and his hoodie jacket underneath, hood up. In this cold weather nobody looked twice at someone hiding in a hood outside. But although Jensen removed his overcoat he kept the hoodie on despite the apartment's warmth. Jared stripped down to his shirt and looked sadly at Jensen but didn't say anything.

"It's the Beast," said Joel in a soft voice.

Jared frowned. "This is Jensen. He's not a—" But Jensen interrupted by putting his arm out to silence Jared and took a step closer to Joel.

Jeff appeared out of a room in the back. "Hi guys. Joel did you introduce yourself?"

Joel nodded absently as if he had although he technically hadn't. The odd staring between Joel and Jensen continued and Jeff looked at Jared questioningly. Jared's shoulders rose in equal question.

"I know you," Joel said into the silence. "You gave me bread."

Jensen tilted his head in a familiar way. Jared met Jeff's eyes again and they watched the two men facing off. A long, silent moment passed. Finally, Jensen took a step back, to partially hide behind Jared and moved his hands to the side of his hood. Jared held his breath as he watched the hood slide slowly down to settle onto Jensen's upper back. Jared quickly took Jensen's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Jensen held on a minute before letting go and taking a tenuous step forward. "I am Jensen," he said, putting his hand out.

"Joel Morgan," the other man replied shaking Jensen's hand. Joel smiled blindingly bright and looked back at Jeff. "He has the brightest colors. Like Seth only deeper. It's glorious. Except … it's being held back. Cloaked." He turned back to Jensen, eyes narrowed. "Oh. I am sorry."

Jared didn't know what to say to this and avoided Jeff's eyes. He looked back at Jensen wondering what he'd make of Joel's odd comment. Jensen's eyes seemed transfixed by the older man. "I am cursed."

Joel nodded as if this was the most obvious statement in the world. "Yes. I see that now. It's strong. Will be hard."

Jensen moved forward and Jared felt forgotten as these odd two men conversed in a foreign language. "Can it be broken?"

Joel looked at him intently. Jeff came over and tried to interrupt. "Joel, this isn't—"

"Maybe," Joel answered loudly cutting his brother's complaint off. He studied Jensen and looked quickly to Jared. "Ahh. I see. We are partway there, my Beast. But you know that is not enough?"

Jensen didn't reply and Jared's eyebrows rose in confusion. What the heck were they talking about? "Jensen," Jared said breaking the odd staring match between the two men. "We're here to talk about your past. Your identity. I think … that's the way to break your curse."

Joel gave him an odd look but Jeff motioned that they should all move forward and take a seat in their living room. Jeff pulled Jared aside. "I'm sorry, kid. My brother's on a new medication and … it's letting some of his more fanciful side out. It's been good to see him alive like this but … I don't want him upsetting Jensen."

"No … it's okay. It's like they're speaking the same language only … I don't understand a word."

"Neither do I. Haven't for years. But sometimes that … doesn't matter, you know?"

Jeff turned back to Jensen and handed him a long cotton-tipped swab. In his hand was a plastic bag. "Rub this inside your cheek."

Jensen did so, and Jeff placed the swab inside the bag and then into an envelope. "Okay, that's it. I spoke to my friend Jim. James Beaver, he's an attorney. He said he got in touch with Ackles, Inc. and spoke to their Legal department. He e-mailed them the photos of Jensen you took." Jensen scowled slightly at this but didn't say anything.

"It's okay, Jen. I promise," Jared assured.

"I'm going to send this to Jim and he's going to work with their attorney and get it analyzed and compared. In a couple of weeks we'll have our answer. But I know what it's going to be. You are Jensen Ackles, anyone with eyes can see that."

Jensen shuddered slightly next to Jared on the sofa and Jared quickly put his arm around his shoulder and drew him closer. "Then what happens?"

"Jim will petition the courts on your behalf. He's got a colleague in California he can work with since he's not licensed to practice in that state. This woman's supposed to be good. Her name's Katherine Cassidy. But it's not like this is all that complicated anyway. There's not much to contest once the DNA evidence is in – that's iron- clad."

"The Queen will want to hold onto her throne," Joel said, voice low and serious.

Jensen's eyes opened big. Jared fought back his immediate annoyance. "Jensen … it'll be fine. Nobody will fight this. You are you. Nobody can take that away."

Jensen said nothing but kept looking at Joel and Jared couldn't help but wonder at the silent communication passing between them.

**Chapter 12**

Jared was amazed at the change in Jensen in the past week. He wore his hood up outside, and given the frigid weather Jared couldn't disagree with this. But indoors it was always down. He came to the shelter with Jared every day and worked with the animals. Alison had stumbled upon him cleaning the cages and Jensen hadn't even blinked at the appreciative perusal she'd given him. Jared had noticed though and tempered down a flash of jealousy. The sensation, _he's mine_ swished through his veins like a flaming arrow.

Alison hadn't said anything, just took Butch and Sundance for their walk.

The second he heard the door shut behind her, Jared pulled Jensen to him. Surprise shone in Jensen's eyes. "Jay?" he questioned, before Jared brought his lips down in a crushing kiss.

It hit Jared then as his lips smashed insistently against Jensen's. Even as the other man parted them to let Jared in, even as Jen's arms claimed him back and he knew how very mutual their attraction was … He knew that once Jen became Jensen Ackles, Jared and his little life in this shelter could never compete.

He was going to lose Jensen.

People noticed Jensen. Beauty like his could never be hidden. And the entire world would want him. He leaned in and buried himself in the crux of Jensen's neck, knowing that his jealousy was irrational, that they hadn't even proven Jensen's identity yet and here he was acting like a lovesick moron. But he couldn't stop his heart from pounding in anticipation of the loss he knew was coming.

Jensen caressed his hair. "What is wrong?"

Jared forced himself together. Ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep, calming breath. Liquid eyes met his with worry. "Nothing. It's silly. Ridiculous."

"Jay … You hurt. I hurt."

"No … I'm not. I mean, it makes no sense. It's so good … the way you've stopped hiding. I'm happy about it. I am."

Jensen narrowed his eyes in question.

Jared told himself to shut up. There was no sound way of explaining this. His mouth didn't listen to his mind and kept talking. "I guess I just got used to being the only one. The only one that got to see how … beautiful you are. God, that's selfish. I'm sorry."

Jensen cupped his cheek, drawing his face back to him. "It is _you_ , Jared. You make them see not Beast."

Jared swallowed hard and drew down for another kiss. A myriad of emotions swirled through him and he was too afraid to even think about saying another word. He poured it all into the kiss, feasting on the passion and strength and intensity that was Jensen. The bell over the front door made them pull apart reluctantly. "No," Jared said on a last quick lick. "It's just you. I won't even exist when you enter a room."

He disappeared to take care of their next client before Jensen could begin to protest.

– – –

Waiting was the worst part. Jensen, as was his way, had endless patience. Jared felt like he was facing a ticking time bomb. It would go off. And nothing would be the same.

Misha sensed his nervousness and questioned him when Jensen was out walking their newest charges.

"I thought this was what you wanted? You gave him back his life, man. That's … hell … he's not just anyone … he's like one of the richest men in the country." Misha flicked a pen idly against the desk. "If he'd be willing to sponsor the shelter … "

Jared stared at Misha incredulously. Not once had this crossed Jared's mind. Ackles money could keep the shelter running in perpetuity. Now, spoken aloud, it was front and center. They could expand. Save so many more animals.

Jared shook his head. "Misha. This isn't … We can't think like that."

"Why not? Jensen loves the animals like you do. Only thing he loves more is … he'd want to do this. I'm not saying he owes you. You know I don't think of it that way and I know for sure you don't. But it is what it is. He's loaded. We barely get by. You do the math."

"What if after … when he's back to his old life he forgets about all this? I mean, why'd he want to remember being homeless and desperate? Why'd he want to remember … " _Me_?

"Now that's the first time I've heard you underestimate Jensen."

Jared felt the chastise and colored slightly. Misha walked behind the front counter and gently squeezed Jared's bicep. "Jay, you're afraid of losing him?"

"No. Yes. I … don't know. It's not like I ever had him."

"You both … care about each other," Misha said cautiously.

Jared nodded vaguely. He knew how he felt but Jensen … Jensen was lonely and vulnerable and starved for human contact. Jared wanted to believe it was more than this. But until Jensen came to grips with himself how could Jared expect Jensen to understand his feelings toward anyone else?

"I just want him to be happy," he answered Misha finally. It was true even if it wasn't totally honest.

– – –

Since the snowstorm Jensen had been spending nights in Jared's spare bedroom. It took three days to get him to sleep on the futon instead of on the floor next to it. Intimacy between them continued although at a more restrained pace. Jared forced his libido in check. He was proud of his self-control. Jensen seemed satisfied with sofa snuggling while Jared introduced Jensen to the movies he'd missed over the past ten years. He also popped in older films to see if they helped trigger Jensen's memory. They were working through the original _Star Wars_ trilogy now. Jensen really liked those, but didn't indicate he remembered them from before. Jensen's eyes were saucers as the battles whizzed by on Jared's medium-sized new flat-screen. Would take a while to get that one off his credit card bill, but it was worth it for Jensen's excitement.

"Save the princess," Jensen uttered as the intrepid heroes approached the holding cells.

Jared drew his arm around Jensen's shoulders and pulled him in for a quick squeeze. "That's the plan."

On the screen, the walls of the garbage chute contracted inward, threatening to crush Han, Leia and Luke. Jensen sat straighter, edging to the front of the deep sofa. He squeezed Jared's thigh and Jared couldn't stop the smile that took over his face. "Could you get more adorable?"

Jensen frowned at him briefly but quickly returned his attention to the screen. A few heart pounding moments later Jensen exhaled. "The little trashcan save them."

Jared turned toward Jensen and caught the other man's excited gleam and leaned in to taste his smile. Jensen fell into him in a bone-melting slide. It started like a starburst, like a leap into hyperspace, but something shifted as Jensen drew his hands up to tickle the hairs at Jared's nape. They slowed and teased and sucked in each other's breaths. Jared sensed a small hitch to Jensen's chest. "What?" he murmured as his tongue traced the folds of Jensen's ear.

"Thank you," Jensen answered pulling away slowly, eyes drawn back to the screen where Obi Wan was just about to face Darth Vader for the last time.

Jared peered down at him puzzled. "For what? The movie?"

Jensen didn't answer right away, caught up in the sword play. Jared was surprised when Jensen spoke again.

"You are hero. Like them."

Jared snorted. "Nah. I like to think I'm a scoundrel like Han Solo."

Jensen's eyes met his again, twinkling impossibly green in the flashes of the light sabers. "More like Chewbacca."

Jared's laugh burst like a foghorn. "Oh. It is so _on_." He proceeded to tackle Jensen down on the sofa and started reaching for those spots he knew made the other man writhe. He'd discovered Jen's ticklish spots during an earlier make-out session. Hadn't lasted long that time. Just long enough for Jared to register them. Now, though, he was not quitting until Jensen called 'uncle'.

Jensen's uncontrolled giggles smothered the sounds coming from the television and rang like music in Jared's ears. It was pure and childlike and so magical Jared thought he could actually see the laughter and not just hear it. Jensen's face flushed a warm pink and his breath burst out in joyful little puffs and it was just so good and free that he wanted to always be able to make this happen. Make Jensen happy. Leaning back to catch his own breath Jared realized something else. Jensen wasn't the only one that was happy.

"Hey," Jared said, making sure Jensen was looking at him again. "Thank you back."

Jensen held his gaze a lingering moment before ducking down shyly and tilting his head down against Jared's shoulder to resume watching the movie.

– – –

Jeff invited them to dinner again. Jensen was a bit apprehensive. He'd never totally gotten comfortable around the policeman. But he'd taken an instant liking to Joel. They communicated on this fantastical plane. Joel continued to talk about the colors floating around Jensen. Jared would meet Jeff's eyes at those times and smile and pretend to indulge the fancy as any rational person would and Jared absolutely would never mention those early mornings when Jensen would emerge from his bedroom all sleep warm and mussed and … yeah, he kinda glowed. But that was just because Jared was also sleepy.

They hadn't been at Jeff's long. Jared sensed Jensen's disappointment that Joel wasn't there. Jeff said he'd be back, that he'd run out for some wine. Jensen had looked worryingly at Jared upon hearing this. He'd finally gotten Jensen to drink a beer when they unwound after work. But Jensen had seen the awful results of alcohol during his time on the streets and was very wary around any kind of drinking. Jared leaned in and whispered. "I'm sure it'll just be a glass with dinner. It'll be fine. You don't have to have any if you don't want to. You never have to do anything you don't want."

Jensen threw him a grateful look.

The phone rang and Jeff took one look at the ID and smiled. He clicked the speaker on which caused Jared's brows to rise but he quickly realized that Jeff was speaking to Jensen's attorney.

"Jimbo. Hey, man, how's it going?"

"Good. How 'bout you? Keeping that brother of yours outta trouble?"

Jeff had told Jared that Jim and Joel and Seth had been in the same graduating class in high school. That's where they all knew each other from. Jim had been a really good friend to Jeff during the years his brother went missing. And from the little Jared had understood, he'd helped keep Seth together as well.

"He's doing well. Really well. New meds are finding that balance. Thanks for showing us that journal report."

"He get with Seth, yet?"

Jeff fidgeted. "No. I told you it's not like that this—"

Laughter came through the speaker. "It's _always_ like that. Those two haven't been able to keep their hands – and other parts – off each other since the time I caught them trading bl—"

Jeff flushed and picked up the handset quickly. "Hey, you were on speaker, man … Yeah … Jensen's here … Looks, um, good … Yeah, I guess … hold on, I'm gonna put you back on speaker so Jared and Jensen can hear, too." He flicked the speaker phone back on. "Okay we're all here."

"Jensen. Jim Beaver. Sorry we haven't had the chance to meet in person yet, son. Tell Jeff to bring you to the office this week. We should get the results of your DNA test back next week. And that's when all this is gonna get interesting. I heard from Ackles, Inc. Spoke to the head honchess herself, your probable cousin, Samantha Ferris. Name ring any bells?"

Jensen drew away from the phone and Jared instantly reached for his hand. "You remember her, Jen?"

Jensen shook his head no. "He said he doesn't," Jared answered for Jensen.

"That Jared?"

"Yes, sir."

A chuckle. "Sir was my father. Call me Jim. Jeff tells me you found Ackles."

Jared hesitated. They'd found each other. "Sort of. I guess. He … stumbled into my shelter."

"Well that was a multi-billion dollar break." Another deep laugh. "There was a reward in place, you know, back when the boy first went missing. I think we can make a strong case for you to collect it now."

Jensen yanked his hand away and turned his back to Jared. Jared's blood ran cold. "No. I don't … that's not … " He thought about his shelter. God. So many hours of his day spent trying to raise money so they could go on another year. _Fuck_.

Jeff sensed Jared's discomfort. "Jim. Let's not jump ahead of ourselves. Haven't proven Ackles' identity yet. And it's been a while so who knows what's still on the table. Let's save it for later, okay?"

"Sure. Just want to make sure Jared gets what's due him, is all."

Jared blanched further. He looked toward Jensen who stood with his back facing them all. "Jen?"

Jensen turned around slowly but his eyes would not meet Jared's and Jared felt something inside himself break. He approached Jensen urgently, ignoring that Jim was still on the phone with them, that Jeff was in the room staring.

"Jensen, please." Jensen finally looked up, his eyes remaining sheltered. "I'm not gonna lie. I thought about the shelter. How we're always looking for funds … seems like we're always three months away from having to shut our door but … _fuck_ … Jen. You. It's not about that. You know it was _never_ about that. Don't you?"

Jensen's eyes softened. "Know Jared is good."

The door opened and Joel burst in. Only he wasn't alone. Jared turned to the newcomers, the moment between himself and Jensen hanging. Jared didn't feel like he was good. Jared felt like he was selling away something precious.

"Oh wow," the stranger with Joel gasped. "He really is stunning."

And Jared saw red.

– – –

Turned out Jim's prediction about Joel and his ex wasn't too far off, given that here he was. Seth was shorter than either Jeff or Joel (or Jared, but no surprise there). He was a couple inches shorter than Jensen. Had a fey softness. Longish, white blonde hair, obnoxiously golden skin and sky blue eyes. Definitely not Jared's type. Not that Jared had exactly identified a type before when it came to men. But, no. Not that.

The interruption led to an impromptu phone reunion between the old high school friends and Jared pulled back, feeling out of place. Jensen didn't speak and only nodded when introduced. Jared tried to curb his inner caveman as Seth continued to check Jensen out with blatant appreciation. What the hell was that? He'd thought Seth and Joel had this forever love affair going on. So what was with the ogling of Jared's b-? He caught himself. His _what?_ The fact that the word 'boyfriend' was even in his head showed him the extent of his delusions.

Jared tucked himself deeper into the corner cushions of the couch and fought down the urge to glare. Maybe he needed to borrow some of Joel's antipsychotic medication. Jeff stepped away from the ongoing phone call and sat next to Jared. "You okay?"

Jared turned and met warm brown eyes. "Just want this over with."

"Chicken's in the oven. Will be ready in a few minutes."

"What? No. I didn't mean—"

Jeff chuckled. "I know. I'm just messing with you, kid. You want Jensen to get his life back."

Yeah. And walk right out of Jared's life. "I just … want him to be okay with all of it. It's a lot for anyone to take in. And Jensen's … special." He glanced over to where Jensen was standing, studying some framed artwork on the wall. Jared's eyes drifted back to Seth and again caught the other man staring hard at Jensen's back. He couldn't help the instinctive tensing of his muscles. Jeff followed his gaze back and forth.

"Down, tiger. It's not what you think." Jared started immediately denying being bothered but Jeff saw through him and smirked. "Yeah, he's checking him out. Hell, I'm not gay and I checked him out. But really, with Seth, it's not only that. He's an artist. I'm thinking he's itching to draw Jensen. Always was attracted to beauty. You probably didn't notice but he's looked at you just about as much."

Jared blushed and avoided Jeff's eyes. His attention returned to Jensen. "The art on your wall … is that Seth's?"

"Yep. 'S good. Makes a decent living off it. Has regular gallery showings."

Jared stood and approached Jensen slowly from behind. Jensen was staring at a drawing of a garden. He didn't know much about art but if he had to guess it was pastels of some sort. Very soft and ethereal. Jared bent and looked closer and discovered little fairies and sprites littering the garden setting. He stood entranced. The picture just glowed.

Jensen turned his head up to him. "Jay. I know this."

"What?"

"Familiar."

"You recognize that garden?"

"No. Not like that. I … remember …" Eyes gleaming Jensen walked to where Seth was sitting with a sketch pad, pencil poised, eyes locked on Jensen. Jared hadn't noticed it before. Jensen stared at the pad until Seth handed it over along with the pencil. Jensen studied the pencil in his fingers a long minute and then started drawing.

The room got eerily quiet. Jared hadn't noticed when they'd ended the phone call with the attorney. Transfixed, Jared made his way slowly over to where Jensen stood drawing with deliberation. Seth and Joel had stepped back. Jared leaned gently over Jensen's shoulder. "Whatcha drawing, Jen?"

The image already had shape, although still raw. There were turrets, just starting to gain definition. Jared watched the pencil move as languidly as a lover's touch over the page, shading in the paneling of an ornate double door. The castle's shape continued to take form. Ivy draped over the bricks, windows with intricate stain glass inserts, balustrades and curved balconies and arrowslits dotting the outer walls. Jensen started on a moat and penciled in soft surrounding hills. His movements smooth and precise. Tongue peeking out slightly as he maintained total focus.

Jared sucked in air, afraid to let it out for fear of breaking Jensen's trance. Observing him was like watching a miracle unfold. Jared's eyes filled and his chest contracted and dammit would there ever be a time when Jensen didn't affect him this way?

Seth approached when he noticed Jensen stop and look down at what he'd drawn as if surprised the page was suddenly no longer blank. He took the pad back from Jensen's grip. "You're an artist," he declared with a blinding smile. His voice softened to a near whisper but Jared was close enough to hear. "This is beautiful."

Jensen shuddered as if hit by an invisible wave. "NO!" he shouted. He struck out with the pencil and slashed across the image still in Seth's hand. "No … not beautiful. No beauty. Cannot have. Never again. Ugly. All ugly. Inside. Outside." Several more swipes of the pencil hit the drawing, one also slicing into Seth's forearm before Jared lost his paralysis and went to grab Jensen's wrist. Seth jumped back gasping. His blue eyes glazed in fear.

Joel leapt forward, immediately pushing Seth behind him. "Beast," he yelled. "Back. Now!"

Jensen crouched and growled low, his features shimmering through the remnants of tears in Jared's eyes until Jared didn't know what he was seeing. Jensen's countenance flickered between madness and perfection until Jared willed himself to blink it away. To see truth. No matter what form it took.

Hood up, the Beast raced for the door.

Jared stood rooted, knowing he had to move. To stop him. Reach _Jensen_. "No," he managed to get out as the door slammed behind him. "Jen … "

"Let him go." Jeff touched his shoulder.

Joel came closer and also tried to steady him. "The Beast has him. But he'll be back."

Jared let himself meet the Joel's eyes. He looked so lucid. More so than Jared felt.

Jared shuddered and met Jeff's eyes instead. _Oh god. Maybe Jensen really was insane_.

– – –

Dinner was a quick and tense affair. Jared sat shell-shocked, mind reeling. Jensen was an artist. The bits of the sketch he'd seen before Jensen had destroyed it was amazing. But then, in a snap, he was something else. Wild and irrational. Jared had certainly seen glimpses of the Beast before. But not. Never quite like that. It was like the curse was made true for that brief instance.

Joel and Seth had gone out for coffee. Jeff hadn't looked exactly pleased at this. Jared watched the tense stares between Jeff and his brother's ex-lover. As soon as Joel disappeared to get their coats Jeff had pounced, voice a harsh whisper. "Seth … What the hell, dude, I thought you said you understood?"

"It's just coffee."

But even Jared could see the lie in the other man's eyes and he'd just met him.

"Dammit. Jim fucking warned me. Didn't even want me to tell you Joel was back."

Seth got in Jeff's face. "How could you even think that? Keep me thinking he was out there alone … begging for food and hiding from the monsters? I know you don't believe. Never did. But they are real. He sees them. That makes it real."

Joel reappeared, staring from his brother to Seth with undisguised concern. "Everything okay?"

Jeff pulled back quick, swallowing whatever he was going to say next. "Yeah. Sure. Everything's fine." He swiped his beard. "If I'm not here when you get back then I'll be running Jared home." He paused and looked hard at Joel. "You are coming back, right?"

Seth answered. "Yes. We won't be out late." After a moment's hesitation Seth closed the gap between himself and Jeff and gave him a hard hug. He tilted his head up and said something to Jeff that Jared couldn't make out.

Jeff returned the hug and mumbled, "I know" as the two left the apartment.

Jeff tossed Jared a beer and the two settled on the sofa. Jared took a long swallow and tried to steady his bouncing leg.

"Jared, c'mon, man, you gotta chill. I told you before this is how it is. Jensen'll run. He'll be back. It's how it goes. But he wants to get to the truth now. I can tell. You've done … he's come a long way. I'm positive he'll be back."

– – –

Samantha returned the paper to the top of the single folder on her gleaming, immaculate desk. Well. So it was true. She let herself feel good about this for a moment. Thought back to the little yellow-haired boy with eyes so large they dominated his face. Her memories of Jensen consisted of small bites. She'd been a guest at the boy's first birthday party. A small, intimate affair for two hundred. She remembered him only vaguely, crying as everyone sung Happy Birthday. His parents had cooed and eventually someone had come and taken him away while Alan and Donna had explained with a smile that the excitement must have been too much. Sam had been twelve and bored and mostly just wanted a piece of the damn cake already.

The next time she'd seen Jensen had been several years later when she'd been over at the Ackles' ranch with her parents, and was flirting with the young man who helped take care of the horses when the little runt had bounced in chasing some other boy. The boy being chased was Hispanic, probably the son of the one of ranch workers. Jensen had kicked up mud and stopped short, looking up at her shyly. That's when she first really noticed those huge green eyes framed by ridiculous bowl-shaped hair. It was impossible not to be charmed. She'd dropped down and introduced herself as his cousin and he'd smiled brightly at her and said he didn't know he had a cousin. The other boy said something about being right that _everyone_ had family and Samantha had felt a bit odd when the man she'd been flirted with treated her with distant politeness when she tried to resume talking with him.

Young Jensen had looked down at his scuffed sneakers "If we are family, you'll come back, right? You'll visit?"

Sam had been caught off guard. It's not like she could just drop in. She knew she could ask her father but the old man was intimidated by the Ackles. He'd never solicit an invite. But maybe if her dad kept doing well for Ackles on the job, they'd get invited back. She'd looked down at Jensen and said yes. The little boy's returning smile lit up the small space.

But she hadn't laid eyes on him again until his parents' funeral. He stood alone in a sea of people and she'd felt a deep pang of _something_ so she approached, determined to prove to the young man that he did, indeed, have family. His once-too-large eyes were hidden behind large aviator sunglasses and she wondered if he'd ever grown into their size. She tried to say something, hello, she was sorry, did he remember her? But Jensen never even looked at her. With a curt nod of his head she felt herself dismissed as if she'd been the hired help.

She'd never seen him in person again.

But she'd certainly heard enough about him. He moved into the Los Angeles estate and immediately started partying and playing the male Paris Hilton and dragging the respected Ackles name down into the muck with his debouchments. At first it was girls. A veritable parade. Then she heard about boys. Not that she cared where he stuck his dick, but really she would have preferred he at least made up his damn mind. There'd been the incident with the daughter of the movie star. Next, a son of another movie star. Rumors about threesomes and underage drinking and drugs.

The disappearance had surprised her. She would have expected a run-in with the law. Maybe a DUI. An overdose perhaps. The call simply said that he'd left on his motorcycle following a party at the estate. They'd found the motorcycle not far from the house on the side of the road. There was evidence of an accident. Blood was found at the scene that matched Jensen's. But Jensen was gone.

Putting her reading glasses back on Samantha dug through the familiar file. One witness thought he saw Jensen get into the cab of a truck but wasn't certain. All he remembered was a truck, that might have been blue or black or maybe gray. Two other witnesses saw only the empty motorcycle and no other people. The man who claimed he saw Jensen accept the ride had a bit to drink himself that night. In any event, the lead led nowhere because nobody reported seeing Jensen or the mysterious multi-colored truck again.

And now, inexplicably, Jensen Ackles was back.

**Chapter 13**

Three days after running out of Jeff's apartment, Jensen stood waiting for Jared at the front entrance of the shelter. He was wearing a coat that Jared didn't recognize, since he'd run out without the one that Jared had bought him. Jensen's hood was up and a scarf obscured most of his face.

Jared willed his breath back to normal and approached slowly, like he would with an unknown stray. He kept his hands tightly tucked into his pockets to keep himself from throwing his arms around Jensen. Sadie was dancing around Jensen, barking happily. Jared knew how she felt and envied her freedom of expression. Jensen knelt to give Sadie attention and Jared caught a glimpse of his bare hands, red and chapped from the cold. The gloves that Jared had bought Jensen had remained behind on Jeff's bed with the coat.

Biting back swear words, he jiggled the key slightly in the lock and let them in, automatically switching the lights on. He locked the door behind them because it was still a couple of hours before they would officially open their doors. He didn't say anything to Jensen, instead headed straight back to put out fresh food and water and lavish a little attention on the animals in their care. Jensen hung back with Sadie, sensing perhaps that this time it was Jared that needed some space.

They were holding ten dogs, two cats, three kittens and one hamster. Lots of empty pens. Winter always got light. Jared knew it meant that less animals were found alive to bring to the shelter, and shook off the frustration that always gave him.

"May I shower?"

Jared looked up from the cat he was stroking. Jensen stood nearby, posture hesitant. He'd shed the beat-up coat but the gray jacket remained, goddamn hood still up. Jared swallowed hard. Putting the tabby gently back in her cage he turned slowly to face the other man. "You're Jensen Ackles."

The hooded head tilted.

"Jim Beaver called with the DNA results. You. Are Jensen Ackles. Lost heir of the Ackles fortune." Jared released a soft snort.

"You are angry." Jensen shrugged the hood down. Jared realized suddenly that, yeah, he was angry. Had been since Jensen'd run away. Maybe longer. Question was, who was he angry at?

"Go shower," he answered dismissively. "You smell."

Someone else might have taken offense. Of course, Jensen wasn't like anyone else. He disappeared into the small bathroom without saying another word. Jared followed and pulled out the last set of clean clothes he'd washed for Jensen from the shelf in the office. Once he heard the water running he pulled the bathroom door open a crack and slid them inside along the old tile floor. At the last minute he pulled the washed hoodie jacket back out and put it back on the shelf. Let him ask.

Animals cared for, Jared entered his small office and got the Mr. Coffee going. It felt good to make a full pot again instead of the half one he made when it was just him. He forced the thought away. It's not like he wasn't going to have to get used to single servings again. He booted up the ancient computer. He and Misha had been talking about upgrading it forever but food for the animals had priority. _Ackles_ had a fortune. Irony washed over him in a bitter wave.

He was about to reply to a donor's email when he felt a soft presence lingering in the doorway. Jensen wore a clean tee-shirt and plaid button down over blue jeans. The over-shirt was an old one of Jared's and hung too long on Jensen's shorter frame. He'd left it unbuttoned and it fluttered gently around him as he swayed. He was shuffling his socked feet back and forth against the cool tile like a little boy. Jared closed down the email program and poured Jensen a cup of coffee. Their fingers brushed as Jensen took the mug and Jared pulled back quickly.

Jensen took a long swallow and looked up. "I am sorry."

"For what, Jensen?"

"Hurt artist."

"You didn't hurt Seth. He's okay. But he was only admiring your drawing. You're an artist, too."

Jensen looked down. His hair was dark wet and spiky and his skin flushed from the warm water. Jared ached to touch him but couldn't. Knew he'd never be able to stop if he started. "Where'd you go, Jen?" he asked instead.

"Around."

Jared nodded. Knew he'd never fit in either of Jensen's worlds and what was the point in pushing it. Jensen drained the last of the mug and placed it on Jared's desk.

"Jeff angry, too?"

"Jeff's fine. Just wants you to go meet with Jim." Jared paused, met Jensen's eyes fully for the first time that morning. "I … I'm not angry. Not really. Just wish you didn't run away. Or … "

Jared didn't know how Jensen was suddenly within breathing distance. "Or what?"

He reached around the back of Jensen's head and dug his fingers in his slightly curling wet locks. "Or would let me follow."

"I am cursed," Jensen breathed into Jared's neck. "You do not believe. Do not see."

Jared let his fingers cup Jensen's face. Soft. Clean-shaven. Desire flared deep in his gut because there weren't too many reasons why Jensen would have bothered shaving. He leaned in and rubbed his nose along the sharp angles of Jensen's face. Fucking perfect. "I do see. Sometimes I wish to god I didn't. But I do."

Jensen moved first, bringing his lips in contact with Jared's and pressing gently. _Fuck_. He couldn't stay pissed and he couldn't stay away and he couldn't really have Jensen. But he didn't know how to do without. The kiss deepened. Jared parted his lips and let Jensen explore leisurely. Tongues playing and bodies pressing ever more desperately into each other. Kissing Jensen was sunshine and grass and earth beneath his bare feet. It was the explosion of a green apple against his teeth and the shocking tingle of a spring rain. It was every star flashing in an inky forever sky.

Drawing Jensen closer, Jared consciously thought the words for the first time. They flowed through his heart in time with the blood pounding in his veins. Thump, thump, thump. A rhythm of three. They were quickly followed with three more words that he also didn't say aloud. _Don't leave me._

– – –

Misha said it was slow and he easily could work solo for the day so that Jensen and Jared could visit Jim Beaver together. Jensen hadn't asked outright for Jared to accompany him but some things didn't need words. They'd gone clothes shopping again. Jared knew that on some level he was enjoying Jensen like a Ken doll but the pleasure he got from Jensen's expression looking down at himself was worth it. He'd picked up inexpensive khakis and a light blue button-down. But unlike the hand-me-downs from Jared, these fit.

Jensen still refused to look in a mirror so he depended on Jared's opinion. Yeah. A burden. Jared dealt with it and tried not to jump Jensen in the dressing room. He'd tried to convince Jensen to also buy shoes but he refused, saying the boots were enough. This was followed by the usual _Jared too good_. Except at that very moment Jared had been checking out Jensen's ass in the form-fitting khakis and good wasn't a word he'd use for the way he was feeling. Well, okay, he was feeling good. Just not like Jensen meant.

It was the start of the workday and so there was a lot of foot traffic coming into the large, imposing mid-town building. Jensen stiffened as the elevator started to fill. He instinctively leaned a little closer to Jared and tilted his hooded head down. Some people glanced his way but most ignored them. Hell, Jared figured Jensen would have gotten even more attention with the hood down and for once didn't mind its presence. That thought immediately brought both possessiveness and guilt and Jared flushed and loosened his wool scarf.

"Mr. Padalecki, Mr. … um … Ackles … Mr. Beaver said to go right in."

Jared nodded to the young receptionist and walked into a large glass-enclosed conference room. A gruff looking, bearded man met them with twinkling eyes and a hardy grip. "Jared, good to meet you." He turned to Jensen. "Jensen."

Jensen turned toward the huge glass wall and looked back pleadingly to Jared who guessed what Jensen was feeling. "Jim. Hi, nice to meet you, too. Um. Do you think there's somewhere more private we could meet? Jensen … doesn't like too big an audience."

Jim smiled and pushed a button and the glass fogged up until it became opaque. Jensen approached it gingerly and ran a finger over the smoothness. He took his coat off and slowly let his hood fall before turning around. His eyes met Jared's in a small smile. Jared shrugged off his own coat. "Yeah, buddy. That was neat."

"Private enough for ya?" Jim asked in his booming voice.

Jared laughed. "Yeah. It's great. Thanks."

Everyone sat at the large, rectangular table, Jim taking the head. Jensen and Jared sat next to each other, catty corner to Jim. The attorney opened a folder in front of him. "Well, we heard back from Samantha Ferris, CEO of Ackles, Inc., and Jensen's cousin, and she accepted the results of the DNA test."

Jensen squirmed in his seat and Jared placed his hand on Jensen's thigh beneath the table. He leaned in. "Hey, you have family, see?"

Jared looked at Jim. "What happens next?"

"My colleague in California, Katie Cassidy, petitioned the courts to reinstate you back to living status. I also started paperwork to return your estate back to you. Ferris has been very frugal and made smart decisions over the years. It's larger now than when you di—were declared dead."

"The money went to Ferris?" Jared asked.

"She was the next of kin."

Jared's mouth pursed slightly. Beside him, Jensen was stone still, so Jared kept asking the questions. "Will she … I mean, is she upset to be losing such a fortune?"

"That woman is wealthy in her own right. Yeah, she won't be quite as filthy rich once the assets transfer back to your friend here – just disgustingly dirty rich." He let out a chuckle. "Betcha she's happier to have her cousin back, don't you? They spent a long time looking for you, boy."

Jared let out a held in breath. Family. Jensen would be with family. He'd be cared for. Loved. He'd be fine.

"Okay. Well, there's only a few technicalities. They are asking for a psychiatric evaluation."

Jensen shoved his chair back at this, looking like he was about to bolt. Jared grabbed his arm. "Jen. Wait, just listen first. You won't have to do anything you don't want. I promise."

Jared turned to Jim, eyes hard. "What's that mean?"

"Relax, the two of you. I mean it. It's nothing. The courts need an assurance that Jensen's reasoning is sound. The threshold is very low. He states his name, says he understands what's going on, how they are going to reinstate his assets back to his name. Piece of cake. Watch … " He leaned in toward Jensen. "What's your name?"

"Jensen … Ackles."

Jared smiled as Jim's eyes met his. Jim continued. "Do you accept that you are Jensen Ross Ackles, son of Alan and Donna and sole heir to their estate?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what it means to have the assets transferred back to your name?"

Jensen hesitated a moment. "I … will have money? A … lot of money."

"What do you plan to do with that money, Jensen?"

"Help others."

Jim looked slightly trouble by this. "What others?"

"Those with less."

Jared squeezed Jensen's thigh again under the table. The tough old lawyer's eyes got brighter. "You're a good kid, Jensen. No court's gonna deny you what's yours. It's gonna be fine."

– – –

That afternoon they were back in the shelter. Misha had taken a few of the dogs for a walk and Jensen had just finished cleaning out those kennels. Jared honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd done any of the grunt work around the shelter. He was starting to feel too pampered. Instead, he spent his time on the computer, culling through donor databases and planning a heart-warming attack for the next fund drive. He sighed and held up the letter from the shelter's landlord again. Noise about raising the rent. Something about so-called building improvements. Fuck. They barely made it month to month as is.

"Jay?"

Jared slipped the letter back into its envelope and looked up into Jensen's inquisitive stare. "Yeah buddy, you need anything?"

Jensen pointed to the long, white envelope on Jared's desk. "Bad news?"

Jared coursed his hand through his hair. He debated telling the truth but he hated lying to Jensen. Finally he took a deep breath and admitted, "Landlord's raising the rent."

Jensen nodded at this and stared at the ground for a while. He shifted his booted feet. He'd changed into scrubs so he wouldn't get his new clothes dirty. Nobody should look so delectable in beat up old scrubs, yet Jensen did. "When money is mine, I help Jared."

"No. I mean, that's not necessary. You don't owe me anything. Never did. I'm just glad you are getting your life back."

"Jared too good."

Jared bit back a smile. The door jingled and a familiar voice wafted toward him.

"Jared? Baby, you here?"

 _Sandy_. Jared looked at Jensen. "How 'bout we let her meet the real you, eh?"

"Do not—"

"Trust me." Jared held out his hand and together they entered the front waiting area.

Sandy wasn't alone. She had Chad and Sophia in tow. Sophia's dark eyes swallowed Jensen whole. "New volunteer, Jay?"

Jared smirked and looked at Chad. The other man blinked but a second later he got it. "Um, Soph—"

Sandy's eyes narrowed. There was no question in Jared's mind she knew exactly who was standing slightly behind him, shuffling nervously from foot to foot. Her smile was blinding. "Jensen, good to see you again."

Jared felt Jensen stop his movements. He took a small step forward, standing shoulder to shoulder with Jared.

Behind Sandy, Sophie let out a very unladylike, "Holy shit!"

Everyone ignored her as Sandy stood before Jensen and Jared. "Jay … I … heard who he … " Her eyes turned to Jensen, going soft in the process. " … who _you_ are. I … Not sure if Jared told you that I'm from Texas, too. I remembered when you disappeared. It … it was very sad. You were like our native son, you know?"

Jensen stood stoic and silent and Jared didn't know what to think. Given what he'd admitted to her about himself and Jensen she was being a classier act than he imagined he would be should circumstances be reversed.

"I … you know that day, it surprised me to find you in my home. I'm sorry I yelled. But. I'm glad that we were able to help you. I mean, especially as … well, Jay … he found you." She turned to Jared. "It wasn't nice of you not to say who he was, Jared. But … I can understand wanting to keep it to yourself."

Jared didn't get a chance to react. Jensen stepped forward and came closer to Sandy than Jared had seen him do with anyone who wasn't Jared.

"Jared did not know. Jared help because he good. I understand you not want Beast in your home. Expect that. But that not why Jared help me."

The only sound was the occasional soft _woof_ from the back. Sandy had jumped back and clutched Sophia's arm. Her eyes lost all warmth. "Well far be it for me to disparage Saint Jared. He was just fooling around with the lost prince of Dallas behind his girlfriend's back."

"Sandy … "

"No, Jay. I came here to be … nice. Maybe I wasn't all Mother Theresa with him. But he was a … growling, scary mess. And even so … it was my home, too. That … I don't know, I guess I thought it should count for … something."

Jared knew he wasn't the quickest on the uptake so the meaning of Sandy's words were seeping in slowly. Frankly, he was still reeling over the fooling around behind her back part because even though this wasn't technically true it felt like it was.

Chad broke in. "C'mon, San – you can't honestly expect some kind of reward because the guy spent the night at your place when you weren't even home. We called the cops on him for fuck's sake."

Sandy turned and glared at Chad. "What? Is that what you—" She looked up and met Jared's cold stare. "Is that what you _all_ think this is about? I want to cash in on the Ackles fortune?" Her voice was getting progressively shriller. "Maybe I just wanted a goddamn thank you for opening my home whether I knew about it or not. Maybe I just wanted someone to say that calling the cops wasn't the worst thing ever since it got him back his identity. Maybe I wanted you not to leave me for him."

She pulled away from Sophia who had been trying to console her and turned around. Soft sobs broke the silence. Jensen was first to move. He approached Sandy softly and Jared heard the pain in his voice. "I am sorry." He put a hand gently on her shoulder and then pulled back upon her flinch. "Told Jared go back. I go soon and Jared go back. Beast fault. Sorry."

Jared's words poured forth without forethought. "No, Jen. I can't. Even if … when … you leave me. I … can't." His voice was barely a croak.

Sandy turned again and looked up at Jared, wet eyes going wide. "Oh my god. You really fell—" Jared met her gaze hard and shook his 'no' in such a way as to stop her cold. "One day I might even be able to feel sorry for you," she finished softly.

Jared and Sandy stared at each other communicating without words. Jensen stood shuddering, eyes glued to the ground. Chad approached Jensen, small grin on his face.

He touched Jensen's shoulder and looked pleased when the other man didn't move away. "It's not your fault. Give Jay-man enough credit for at least that."

Jared threw his friend a thankful look. Jensen met Chad's eyes and nodded once. "Ladies," Chad said, voice just a little too loud. "Time to go."

Sophia found her voice. "Are you really a missing heir?"

Chad laughed, high and girly. He squeezed his girlfriend's shoulders and planted a kiss on her temple. "This is why I love you. I'll explain it all later." He wrapped his other arm around Sandy's small shoulders, drawing her in. "Jay. Jensen. Don't be strangers, alright?"

Jared and Jensen were alone for a few minutes before the door jingled again and Misha came barreling in being led by bouncing fur. "Hey guys! Did I miss anything?"

– – –

"Jeff, you sure about this place? I mean … I thought it was gonna be just at some doctor's office, not a full blown psychiatric facility."

"I know it by reputation. One of the best. Back when my folks were researching hospitals for my brother this one came up. Even with all their savings they still couldn't afford it."

"It's just … you know, Jensen had some … experiences in Detroit." Jared had not told Jeff any of the horrible details that Jensen had revealed about his earlier hospitalization. Jared still could hardly breathe when he thought of Jensen being molested. Maybe even raped. Intellectually, he knew he didn't have anything to worry about this time. It was just a quick consultation with a psychiatrist. A few minutes in Jensen's presence and it would be clear how lucid he was. Of course, there was still the curse and the possibility he'd lose his temper. But Jim went over the simple questions Jensen could expect. It really should be cut and dry.

Jared had to break it to Jensen that would have to go into the doctor's office alone. "I'll be right outside, Jen. The whole time. And Jim said it should take no more than fifteen minutes. You can handle that, right?"

"Hate doctors."

Jensen sat on the sofa in Jared's apartment. The TV was on with the sound muted. The light flickered off Jensen's light eyes. "I know you do. And I understand. But this is the last step. The doctor will clear you to be able to regain your assets, your life, Jen. I know money isn't that important to you. But you said yourself how it'll let you help others. You want that, right?"

"Janet could have surgery."

"Huh?"

"Sharon told me sister need eye surgery. Help her see better. Money make it possible."

Jared smiled. "So it's settled then. We'll go first thing in the morning."

"You go with me?"

"Absolutely."

"Be okay?"

"I promise. Trust me, it'll be okay."

Jensen was quiet the rest of the night. They ordered pizza and watched a mindless horror flick, one of the Friday the 13ths. Shortly after midnight, Jensen disappeared into his bedroom with a quiet goodnight.

Jared flipped stations a little longer before heading to bed. He stuttered awake a short while later when the bed shook. After a moment's disorientation he muttered, "Jensen?"

A warm hand wrapped around his belly. "Okay?"

Jared grabbed Jensen's hand. "Yeah. Of course it's okay. What's up, buddy? Can't sleep?" He turned so he could see Jensen. Huge eyes blinked back at him in the dim light. He wondered if this was related to Sandy's visit. They hadn't really spoken about it since his friends had walked out two days ago. He'd privately shared some with Misha who darkened upon hearing the story and said that Sandy absolutely was looking for her cut of the reward money. Jared had gotten angry at this, surprised at his friend's coldness. He'd snapped back asking if that was what Misha wanted, too. He and Misha had been at odds since. Jensen, ever sensitive, picked up that something was wrong but Jared hadn't spoken about it.

Jensen dipped his head under Jared's chin. "Scared," he said softly.

 _Shit_. The doctor's visit tomorrow. Jared felt like a moron for forgetting. He took Jensen in a tight hug. "It'll be okay. I promise." Jensen's shudder pierced through him and made his heart hurt. He pressed closer and felt every inch of Jensen's sculpted muscles against his own. They hadn't been intimate in a long time. They hadn't kissed since earlier in the week. It felt like forever.

He brought his lips to meet Jensen's and tried to soothe with his body. Jensen's gorgeous lips melded into him, wet and supple and searing. He opened to him with a needy mewl. Jared felt himself harden within his pajama bottoms. He thrust forward and was met with another raw grunt. God, nothing turned him on as much as Jensen's naked need for him. Without words they shucked out of their bottoms and rutted against each other wantonly. The slip side of his leaky cock pressing into Jensen's hot flesh sent his heart instantly racing.

Jensen pulled his lips down and started trailing hot, open mouthed kisses on Jared's neck, his chest. He suckled each of Jared's nipples until they pebbled hot and hard and then he nipped them between his teeth causing a flare of pleasure pain. _Fuck_ … felt so good, he wanted … wanted …

"Yes … " Jensen hissed. "Want you to. Please."

Jared rose up on his elbow, eyes going wide. "What?"

The stare meeting him back was crystal clear. "Fuck me … please."

_Oh god._

Jensen's mouth kept moving down Jared's abdomen. Licking his happy trail and following with tiny little nips that were driving Jared insane. And then Jensen's mouth descended on him and all rational thought fled. "Oh god … god, your mouth Jen." Hot and wet and fucking perfect. He watched himself disappear, watched Jensen hollow his cheeks and swallow him down. Strong hands held Jared's hips in check as Jensen sucked him deep and moved back up in slow, liquid strokes.

Jared's eyes were practically rolling up into his head when suddenly Jensen pulled off with a loud pop. His dick immediately complained about the lack of contact when Jensen shifted and Jared heard the drawer to his nightstand opening up. Working on a five-minute brain delay Jared stuttered brokenly, "Stuff … in the … drawer." But Jensen was ahead of him, holding up Jared's bottle of lube and dropping the condom packet down next to him.

This sobered Jared slightly. "Jen … are you sure? I mean, you can do me, instead … if you want."

Jensen looked down at him with lust-black eyes. "You have before?"

Jared smiled. "Yeah. In college. Had one rather wild semester." His face felt hot at the admission. Jensen smiled down at him all heat and want. "Later." The word was a promise. "Now." His hand gripped Jared's cock again. "Want this. Want so much." He pumped Jared a few times and handed him the lube. "Please?"

Jared took the lube and slicked his finger, teasing Jensen's opening as the smaller man straddled over him. "Have you … before?"

"Yes."

Jared slipped his finger inside and felt Jensen clench around him. "You remember?" he asked slightly surprised.

"Not remember. Just know." Jensen leaned down to capture his lips. "No more talk."

Jared got with the program and shut up and just _felt_. Everything about Jensen was firm and scorching and gorgeous. He stroked the other man's cock while he painstakingly fingered him open. Jensen moaned obscenely and kept begging and Jared wondered if it were possible to die from want because he'd never wanted anything as much as he craved this man.

Finally, Jensen once more took matters in his own hands, turning around and going on all fours and looking back over his shoulder with a command to _fuck me now_. Jared sank in with a growl that rivaled Jensen's beast. _Ohmyfuckinggod._ So tight and mind-blowingly hot he feared he'd lose it before he even began. He sucked in air and let a quick montage of old ladies knitting go through his mind.

Jensen pushed back with a throaty groan and mouthed _so big_ and _so good_ and Jared found the wherewithal to start moving. Slow at first and then harder when he found that spot inside Jensen that made the other man keen and wriggle and beg for _more more more_ … Sweat poured off Jared, dripping onto Jensen's back, slicking the rub of his chest against Jensen as he fucked him faster, hands clamped tight to his hips. He bent down to press wet sloppy kisses against Jensen's back, neck, side of his face. Words fell from his lips but drowned in a garble of pleasured grunts.

He reached down and grabbed Jen's throbbing cock and stripped it in time with his own ever-deepening thrusts until he felt Jensen's stomach muscles contract under his arm, growling low and long and spurting on a violent shudder, painting his chest and the bed and even reaching his chin in long white streams. That pushed Jared over the edge as well and he released into the condom, spitting Jensen's name into the back of his neck.

They collapsed in a tangled heap, too wrung out to move. Jensen let out this breathy little giggle and Jensen reached for his lips before the emotion made him say things he'd regret. He didn't know what it meant – that they'd made love. All he knew is that Jensen needed to return to his life. And then … if he still wanted Jared, he knew where to find him. He disposed of the condom and wiped Jensen down with his discarded pajama pants before pulling Jensen tight against him and out of the wet spot.

He laughed into Jensen's ear. "Guess you'll need to sleep over here with me." Jensen lifted up until he was partially on top of Jared making him oomph as Jared's breath left in a whoosh. "Guess I deserved that."

Jensen giggled and went to move back.

"Don't you dare move," Jared threatened. "You belong right here," he uttered before letting sleep take him away.

– – –

Jeff drove them since there was no public transportation that would reach this far outside the city. Jared spoke with Jim on the phone before leaving that morning and again was assured the whole thing would take fifteen, twenty minutes max. His voice was warm and friendly and Jared shook away any lingering worries and concentrated on reassuring Jensen.

The institutional grounds were extensive, and Jared looked around a bit gapingly at the park-like surroundings. Folks were wandering about, dressed in jeans and jackets. The weather had finally warmed up and the snow melted. He wondered if this was one of the first days patients had been able enjoy the outdoors. Jeff caught Jared staring.

"See, no guards, no bars, no barbed wire."

Jared smiled and let himself relax further.

The main building was huge and stately. White columns lined the sides of the wide double doors. Jared gently put a hand on Jensen's back as they walked in. Past the doors he took Jensen's hand and gave it a squeeze. Jensen had his hood on. Jim had assured them that the doctor would allow Jensen to keep the hood up for the entire interview. Jensen had been relieved to hear this but also told Jared he'd try to take it off. Jared had smiled broadly at this.

They checked in with a perky blonde receptionist at a high desk and were told to take a seat and someone would be out to escort Jensen to his appointment.

"I … can I go with him? I mean, I know the session is private but I'd like to wait right outside. I kinda promised."

"I'm sorry. That would not be permitted. But you can take a seat out here and we promise to escort Jensen when he's through. He would not be allowed to go unescorted so you have no reason to worry."

Beside him Jared heard Jensen growl low. He quickly moved him toward the back seats. "Jen. It'll be okay. They have their stupid rules. Guess it's to protect the privacy of the other patients or whatever. But … I'll be right here with Jeff." He pointed to a seat. "Fifteen minutes and we'll be heading back. Jeff said he'll take us to Starbucks for some coffee. I'm sorry I didn't let you have any this morning … I just wanted you to be as calm as possible, okay?"

Jared sensed the receptionist's eyes upon him but didn't care. He put his arms around Jensen and drew him close. "Hey. Trust me, okay?"

Jensen looked up, gorgeous emerald eyes glowing in the diffuse sunlight. It never failed to take Jared's breath away. Jared cupped his face and kissed him lightly.

The doors opened and an African-American woman came out wearing a white coat. She flashed a warm smile and Jared instantly felt better. He turned Jensen around.

The woman held out her hand, palm up. "I'm Nurse Moore. Doctor Drummond is waiting for you." She picked up on Jensen's nervousness. "Relax, hon, the doctor's a sweetie, everyone's favorite. She's going to take good care of you." She turned to Jared. "You're doing the right thing."

Jared didn't have time to question what that meant before Jensen placed his hand in hers and let himself be led away.

Jeff came over and ushered Jared into a seat. "Relax. He'll be back in a few minutes."

Jared took a seat facing the wide window and watched people walking slowly outside along winding paths. It really was quite peaceful. He turned to Jeff. "Was Joel in a place like this?"

Jeff followed Jared's gaze outside. "Yep. Pretty much. A little less hoity-toity." He looked around the plush waiting area. "I remember harder seats."

Jared smiled at this. Jeff's phone rang and after a moment he mouthed to Jared that he had to take it and walked a short distance away for some privacy. Jared was still looking out the window, staring blankly at some pigeons that landed on a nearby bench when his own cell rang in his pocket.

Jeff stood before him and spoke before he could even reach for the phone. "That's Jim." Jeff looked pale. "Listen … we … don't worry … we'll take care of this."

Jared looked up at Jeff confused. He answered his phone, standing at the same time. "Jared. Listen. I just told Jeff and now I'll tell you. Don't worry. I'll get to the bottom of it and we'll get him out."

"Wh … what are you talking about?" Jared's eyes flew to the door Jensen had passed through. "What's going on?"

"I just found out. The courts ordered a twenty-four hour observation. They won't let Jensen leave with you right away. I don't know what they think they have on him … but the papers claim he's a danger to others and himself. Katie's on it as well and I put a few associates here to dig up what Ackles, Inc. is up to. It's just a stall tactic. He had controlling interest in the corporation, maybe they don't want him to get it back. I don't know. I thought they were going to be grownups about this. Guess not."

Jared's heart lurched and his legs gave out causing him to wobble and land hard back into his seat. "N—No."

"Jared … " Jeff squeezed his bicep.

Jared shook him off. "No. They can't – you said … you said twenty minutes. You're now saying they won't let him leave." Jared's breathing sped up _. Oh god_. This couldn't be happening. In his worst nightmares he hadn't imagined this. At worst he thought maybe Jensen would get mad and they'd throw him out. He didn't think it possible that they wouldn't let him leave. He saw Jensen's open face gazing at him with complete trust. What was he thinking now? Jared had led him here.

He tossed the phone down and dashed toward the door where Jensen walked through. A quick tug showed him it was locked. He turned red-faced toward the receptionist. "Open this. Open this right now!" He pounded on the glass. "Jensen! Dammit. You can't … you can't keep him here against his will. I … _promised_ him. Open the door."

"Sir, please, I can't do that. I can call the doctor if you wish, she can speak with you about your friend."

Jared jumped at this. "Yes. Get her out here. Drummond, right? Get her out with Jensen because there's been a mistake. He's not staying here. He can't … you don't understand. They don't know–it'll make it worse. Oh god."

Jeff approached again but Jared turned on him the moment he got close. "You did this! You and your lawyer friend set this up. Are you getting a cut, is that it? How many pieces of fucking silver?"

"Jared. Please. Jim and I were both blindsided by this. Corporate lawyers have their ways. Look. It's twenty-four hours. I know it's not fair but they won't hurt him. It's just an observation."

"An observation?" Jared stared incredulously at his friend. "He's going to freak out! He'll give them exactly what they need to keep him for as long as they want. I walked him right into this like a fucking sheep to a slaughter. Oh god. I'm such a moron. How did I not see this coming?"

"None of us did. It's not like Jensen being alive was going to mean the dismantlement of Ackles, Inc. Hell, when he was around originally all reports say he was hands off. There was no reason to expect this kind of reaction. Look. Maybe it's just the courts being cautious. That's what Jim thinks."

"Jim is an idiot. Only bigger one is me for listening to him."

Nurse Moore walked back out alone. "Mr. Padalecki. May I call you Jared?"

"Where's Jensen? Look, he must be going bonkers by now. Let me see him. Please. I can … calm him down. He tr—Oh god."

"I'm sorry, there are no outside visitors allowed during an observatory period. Come back tomorrow morning and we'll be able to provide you with an update."

He felt the fight fizzle out of him with each of her calm, rational words. "How is he? Can you … I … how is he?"

"The doctor is with him now. We'll take good care of him."

"Does he hate me?"

"You're his friend. I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

Jared laughed an ugly bark. Jeff was at his side again. "Jared, c'mon man, don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't know."

He couldn't look at Jeff or the nurse's forgiving gazes another second because he knew the truth.

Without another word he walked out of the facility leaving what was left of his heart behind.

**Chapter 14**

Jeff drove Jared back to the shelter in silence. Jared knew it was irrational to blame Jeff. He knew that Jeff felt bad about how it had gone down. But Jeff didn't understand. This betrayal was beyond unforgivable. He felt like a part of him had shriveled up and died.

Still, he tried to apologize as they got out of the car because it wasn't Jeff's fault. The only one to blame was himself. "Look, Jeff, what I said …"

"Forget it, Jared. I get that you were upset. We all are upset about this. But it'll be over tomorrow and everything will be fine."

No. It won't, Jared thought. But he just nodded and went in to the shelter.

Misha took one look at Jared and the previous weirdness between them vanished. Jared collapsed in his friend's arms. Misha looked over Jared's shoulder at Jeff with a shocked stare.

"The court ordered Jensen to stay in the facility for a twenty-four hour observation. We didn't have a clue this would happen. Jared, man, I'm sorry."

Misha started walking Jared toward the back. "I got him. I know you were only trying to help. But you should go, Jeff. I'll have Jared call you later."

Jared didn't remember being dropped into his office chair. His head fell forward and landed on Misha's shoulder as the other man knelt before him. Tears fell hot and sharp, stinging his eyes and wetting his friend's shoulders. Misha rubbed his upper back in small circles and made small soothing sounds. When Jared was a senior in high school, their family dog had died. She had to be put down after an illness. He remembered how that felt, taking Molly in their car for a final ride. She'd been very weak by then and they had her on pain medication. She still managed to poke her nose toward the window as she sat on Jared's lap in the backseat. His parents had tried to get him not to come. His dad said he'd do it. But Jared knew he had to be there.

The trust in Molly's eyes as she sat with Jared in the waiting area would go with Jared to his grave. That had been the worst day of his life. Until today.

Broken hazel eyes met Misha's sad gaze. "He … trusted me."

"You didn't know. You were both misled."

Jared twisted out of Misha's grasp, voice strengthening. "I was worried. I didn't like it from the start. Neither did Jensen. It's just that I wanted this for him. Wanted him to get back his life. And now … " His voice broke as the tears flowed again. "They will never let him out Misha. You know that."

"I don't know anything of the sort. You're not giving Jensen enough credit."

"This isn't about Jensen!" Jared shouted. "This is about billions of dollars. That bitch – his so-called cousin – she stands to lose it all if he gets control of his assets. Maybe it got back to her how he is. He told Jim … " Jared choked again and needed to sit. Misha handed Jared a bottled water out of their little fridge. When he could breathe again he continued. "He told Jim he wanted to help people with the money. What if that … got back to Ackles, Inc.? How do you think they'd feel about the family fortune being given away to semi-starving old women who live in shanties under a bridge and need cataract surgery?"

Misha's eyes met his and Jared knew that his concerns were shared. He forced his heart to harden. "Okay." Jared took a few deep breaths. "Jensen hates me now. I can't change that. Can't even disagree with it. But that doesn't – how I'm supposed to live without him isn't … I have to get him out of there, Misha. Say you'll help me. I don't think I can do this alone."

Misha squeezed his arm. "Of course. Whatever you need."

"Victoria? She still friends with that court reporter?"

"Yeah. They roomed together in college. Why?"

Jared's mind was racing. He needed to a plan. Ammunition. He needed his friends. "I need information. I have to get Jensen out"

– – –

Jared's apartment seemed small with so many people filling it but this was the fastest way that Jared knew to jumpstart his plans. Chad, Misha, Victoria, Alison, Jeff, and Joel all stared at each other as if they weren't quite sure how they'd suddenly ended up in each other's company.

Joel approached Chad. "You are Mayhem."

Chad jumped back a step. "Uh. Jared?" Jared looked at Joel who shrugged. Mayhem was Chad's handle on most online things. It also was his email ID.

Jared smiled. "Joel has a way of seeing things. 'S not like it's not true."

"Yeah. But how did he—"

Jared ignored him. "I asked you all here because, not surprisingly, Jensen's doctor decided she needed another two weeks to complete her analysis. That's not acceptable. I'm going to get him out. Ideas?"

Jeff spoke first. "Jared. Countryview is not Detroit County."

"Nope. Any ideas that don't include getting him out are not being broached. Jeff. If that's all you got you might as well leave now."

The room got quiet as a showdown was sensed. Jeff raised his hands in a backing away gesture. "I already told you I'm willing to help in any way you need."

Jared nodded. Tori spoke up next. "I'm going to research Samantha Ferris. See if she's got any skeletons in her closet."

Misha volunteered to help his wife.

Alison looked pointedly at Jeff. "Jared? May I speak freely?"

"Jeff?"

" 'S all right. I'm not here as a cop."

"Okay then … well, I might be able to … um … access some computer files … um, you know, at Countryview. If … if you wish."

Jared beamed. "Yes. I do wish. Find out what they're giving him. How drugged up he is."

Joel stepped away from his brother. "I can get in."

"What?"

"I know a few of the doctors who work there. I can get an appointment. Get inside. Maybe even get him a message."

"Joel. No. That's nuts," Jeff spoke up.

Joel laughed. "That's kinda the point. Helps."

Jared faced Joel. "God, man, if I could just find out how he is."

"I'll do what I can."

"Okay. In the interim, I'm gonna file a writ for habeas corpus on his behalf," Jared added.

Chad ran a hand through his short hair. "Can I help you with that?"

Jared looked at him surprised. "Yeah. You can. Thanks, man."

"It won't work," Jeff said softly.

Jared spun toward the officer. "Maybe not. But I have to try."

Jeff sighed. "I'm going to talk to Jim and Katie and urge them to keep pushing. Countryview won't hurt him. But I do understand how you feel." Jeff's eyes moved toward his brother at this. "Hell, I drove Jensen there. I know what they did was bullshit."

Jared's eyes softened and he took his friend in a hug. For the first time since this nightmare began he started to have a sliver of hope.

– – –

Turns out the California-based lawyer, Katie, had been quite busy. She'd hired some private investigators and they'd dug up as much as they could about Jensen's past, including some new information from after he'd gone missing.

Jared paled when Jim read him the report. Jeff put his arm on his shoulder, squeezing once. "That's why they're not letting him out yet."

"Are you sure?"

Jim nodded. "I don't know how she got these because medical records are sealed but, yeah. There were at least two suicide attempts during his stay at Detroit County. Last one, he tried to hang himself."

Jared shuddered. "But … they were abusing him. He told me this himself. Heinous things were going on there. I don't know that I'd believe anything they had in their records."

Jeff pulled the documents from Jim's hand and read some more. "Given this, betcha he's under a suicide watch. Probably standard procedure."

"What? Now?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

Jared couldn't stand this. If Jensen wanted to die it was because they'd put him back in a world he hated. One he feared above all else. Sure, Countryview wasn't like the facility in Detroit. But Jensen didn't know this. A white coat and a needle and a smiling doctor speaking the same doublespeak. And someone he trusted … betraying him.

More paper rustling and suddenly Jim let out a "Huh."

Jared moved around the conference table to lean over Jim's shoulder. "What?"

"Seems like the night Jensen disappeared there was a party in his home. The PI tracked down some guests. One was an old boyfriend." Jim turned then and gave Jared a deeply appraising stare causing Jared's cheeks to heat up. Clearly Jeff hadn't told Jim about his and Jensen's … well, whatever it was.

"What he have to say?" Jeff asked, breaking the sudden weird silence.

"Not much. Said they argued that night. That Jensen'd been drinking. The boyfriend said he left the party early and never saw Jensen again after that."

"So Jensen ran away because he was heartbroken?"

Jim looked up at Jared. "According to this guy, Welling, they fought a lot. He claims Jensen was fooling around behind his back all the time and that the relationship was virtually over by the time of the party." He paused and said, "huh" again.

"What?" Jeff and Jared asked simultaneously, meeting each other's eyes with a small grin.

"He's a chiropractor now. Lives in Philadelphia."

Jeff looked over at Jared. " 'S not too far."

– – –

Tom Welling was gorgeous. Of course, given how hot Jensen would have been then and was now, this really shouldn't have been surprising. Still, Jared felt incredibly inadequate when faced with Tom's perfect smile and not-a-hair-out- of-place demeanor. He stood nearly as tall as Jared with dark brown hair and large blue eyes. He was fit and tan and Jared couldn't help the image of how perfect he and Jensen must have looked together. Like models out of a billboard coming to life.

Jared dragged a hand through his own unruly locks. They flopped back down anyway. "I appreciate your meeting with me," Jared began.

The other man released his grip and they each took a seat on opposite sides of a booth.

"What's going on? Why is everyone asking me questions about Jensen Ackles all of a sudden?" The other man got straight to the point.

"I … I guess there's no easy way to say this. Jensen is alive."

Tom's eyes grew big. "Wh—at?"

"I … well, he and I met and I got to know him and realized he was missing some time in his life. He can't remember anything from before ten years ago. He didn't remember his last name. So, with the help of a friend of mine who is also a police officer, we took fingerprints and did a little digging … and, well, it didn't take long after that."

Tom stared at him like he was crazy. "You're telling me Jensen is alive?"

"Yes."

"Where's he been all this time? He had, what? Amnesia?"

 

"Well, partial. You know how they found his motorcycle and assumed he was in an accident? I think he hurt his head and it caused the memory lapse. He only knew his first name. He wandered around. When I met him … he was … homeless."

Tom's eyes widened even further.

Jared continued. "I'm trying to piece together certain things. To help. I know you spoke to the private investigator and years ago to the police. Would you mind … can you tell me what happened the last time you saw Jensen?"

Tom met his eyes with an iron grip. "Who are you again?"

"I'm a friend of Jensen's." Tom's stare would not back down. Jared held steady. "I … care about him. A lot. He … they've got him under psychiatric observation. I need to help him. To find out what happened."

"You mean before he disappeared?"

"I think it might help."

Tom seemed to consider. He picked up his coffee cup and took a swallow before meeting Jared's eyes again. "It was a nasty night all around."

"What do you mean?"

"Jensen … There's not a good way to phrase this. Jensen was a selfish prick." Jared blinked in surprise at the malice in the other man's stare. "I know he can give you that huge green stare and suck you in with that 'little boy who is too lonely for this planet' look … but, it's all an act. I got caught up for a while."

Jared didn't argue. Wanted to let Tom tell his tale in his own way. "I … you told the PI that Jensen cheated on you," he prompted when the silence lasted too long.

Tom snorted. "Yeah. With anything hot that breathed. Guys, girls – he didn't give a damn. If they were pretty he was all over it." Tom's eyes narrowed a little taking in Jared. "Not much has changed, eh?"

 

Jared reddened. "We … we're just friends."

Tom broke out into a knowing grin. "Right. Look, I've been there alright? Jensen and I met shortly after he'd moved to Los Angeles. We were both barely eighteen. I pretty much grew up in L.A., so I'd run into my share of assholes. Still, I thought Jensen was different. Friends warned me he was a player, but one look at that innocent face and I was gone." Tom stopped to take a drink of his coffee.

"An orphan. Holed up in that huge house all alone. Drawing for hours. Fuck, I was so gone over him I couldn't see reality staring me in the face. Nothing was real. It was all as fake as those fantasy pictures he spit out like confetti." His face twisted into a grimace. " After the first one he apologized so sweetly. Said it was just one of those things, that he'd been high. That the girl didn't mean anything. That it wouldn't happen again. He said he loved me."

Jared finally looked away. This wasn't what he'd expected. Not that he knew what to expect. Just. Not this.

Tom continued, voice bitter. "I know how this sounds, like I'm a jealous boyfriend or something. And yeah, I admit I was jealous. But I got it, too, you know? It hadda hurt losing his parents like that, not that he ever said a word about it. He never, ever talked about his folks. But sometimes, he'd wake up crying. He'd blow it off right quick. And disappear back up into his room, lock the door. He never let anyone in there. Folks would joke it was his fucking tower. I got a peek once and the room was covered in those drawings of his. Castles and forests and dragons and fairies. Didn't take a genius to see he wanted to escape.

"But he had some friends. People who cared about him. Hell, I cared. But you've got to have a heart to be able to care back. Maybe his died with his parents, who knows? All I know is that he was a cold son of a bitch who didn't give a crap who he hurt. I hung in for nearly three years. Wanting to think it would get better. But there was nothing _to_ get better. Jensen was nothing but a pretty façade and an ugly center." Tom sucked in a deep breath. "Hell, that witch called it."

Jared jumped. "What?"

Tom looked at him questioningly.

"You mentioned a witch?"

Tom took another mouthful of coffee. He looked a little nervous now. "There was this old woman who worked the garden. Jensen fooled around with her granddaughter." He paused and shifted his eyes away from Jared's. "Look, I didn't tell the cops this. I was still trying to protect him, I guess."

"What are you talking about?"

"The woman came up to Jensen during the party. That night we … he and I were already fighting then … she came out of nowhere and started yelling. The girl, her granddaughter, tried to kill herself the night before. Nearly died but she was found in time. Jensen said he barely remembered the girl and didn't remember if he'd fucked her or not. I figured he probably did. But who the fuck knows?"

For the first time Tom purposely avoided Jared's eyes. He looked down. "The grandmother was furious. Said the girl was in love with Jensen. Blamed Jensen for everything. Now I don't know about that. I'd seen her around but she was just another girl hanging around Jensen – thinking she could be the one or whatever. One of many. Boys and girls. But that grandmother was a piece of work. She always wore all black, like she was in mourning, with this billowy shawl, no matter how hot it was. Weird ass old bird. All she needed was a pointy hat … Anyway, Jensen had her kicked out. And then later, Mike and I saw him making out with Katie – Mike's fucking _wife_ , man. That was it. I told him we were through, not that he gave a shit. I left. He fucking laughed at me. Anyway, later, I'd heard he'd crashed that damn motorcycle, and vanished. Sometimes I wondered … " Tom's voice trailed off.

Jared nearly choked getting out his next words. "Did … she curse him?"

"Huh?"

"The grandmother. The old woman. Did she curse Jensen? Tell him he was ugly. A beast?"

Tom's eyes widened at that. "How'd you know that? Jensen remembered that? The old bat was nuts."

Yeah. Jensen remembered that. Jared swallowed hard. "Tom. I understand that the man … the boy … you knew wasn't always … didn't behave as he should. And he hurt you. And others. And I feel bad about that. But he's changed. And deserves a second chance. He's paid for his mistakes." God, has he paid. "Thanks for sharing what you did. You've been generous with your time. Just a few more minutes, please. Do you know the old woman's name?"

"Nah. But she worked on the estate, so her name is probably on some payroll record somewhere."

– – –

Jared was quiet on the drive home. Jeff had driven him and waited so he could speak privately to Tom. Now he listened as Jared relayed what he'd learned.

"And you think this grandmother is the witch Jensen believes cursed him?"

"Welling confirmed it."

"I guess. Okay, Katie can access the records and see if we can turn up someone working at the mansion who fits the age. Then I'll take her name and run it through … see what we get."

"Thanks, Jeff." Jared hesitated. "Anything new from Jim about getting Jensen out?" The silence told Jared all he needed. "Dammit."

"They _are_ concerned for his welfare, Jay. That hospital is one of the best in the—"

"Spare it. I know. Only he's not … They have it all wrong. He doesn't belong there."

Jeff huffed in frustration. "Jesus, if I had a dollar for every time Seth told me that about Joel. Only eventually even he saw the truth. I get that you care about him. But that's all the more reason to let him get the help he needs."

Jared sighed. Jeff meant well. But Jeff didn't get it. Jared needed to see Joel. Needed the brother that would understand.

They pulled into a parking spot and Jared jumped out to go back to work. Misha and Alison had taken over a lot of Jared's coverage at the shelter and Jared was very grateful. And even more grateful for how his friends were standing squarely in Jensen and Jared's corner.

Jared sat as his desk quietly as Misha filled him in on what he and Victoria had unearthed about Samantha.

"Samantha Ferris inherited all of the Ackles estate when Jensen was declared dead three years ago. Before that it seems like she had almost no contact with Jensen."

"But she was his only family."

Misha nodded sadly. "Yeah."

Jared felt like he was floating in puzzle pieces. Only they didn't yet make a complete picture. _Who are you, Jensen?_ he asked himself. _Are you the rotten, spoiled rich kid who didn't care about anyone but yourself?_ _Did you lead that poor girl on until she practically killed herself over you? Did you believe the witch because she spoke the truth?_

Misha stayed up front and Jared grabbed some leashes to take the dogs for a walk.

A couple of hours later Jared had just finished slipping the dogs back into their kennels when he heard excited voices from the front. He ran to investigate.

"Joel. Seth. What? Has something happened?" Jared's heart pounded.

Joel approached him quick. "No. I mean, it's good. Seth … " Joel turned toward the shorter man with clear adoration. "… figured it out."

Seth handed him a large, hardcover book. Jared touched the red leather cover and fingered the gold-edged pages gingerly before he opened it and flipped pages. It was a highly illustrated children's book. Filled with fairy tales. Jared's eyebrow cocked as he looked at the author's name, it meant nothing to him.

"Don't you see … It took me a little while but the style. So similar. And then when I saw the name – Nona D. Elacks."

Jared flipped a few more pages but still didn't understand.

"It's an anagram," Misha said leaning over.

Seth beamed. "Yes. Jensen's mother. She was a children's book illustrator using a pseudonym. This … " Seth pointed to the book in Jared's hand, "is a special edition compilation of her best known works. Classic fairytales. They published it after she died. I've owned it for years just … it didn't click until now."

"Oh my … " Jared's eyes opened wide. "This … Jensen's illustrations … all fairytales. And then he's cursed right before he sustains a head injury. It all gets jumbled together." He paused before meeting his friends' eyes again. "I found the witch."

Misha looked surprised. Jared debated a moment and then shared with Misha and Joel and Seth what Tom had told him about the old woman. He ended by saying that Jeff was checking on her whereabouts.

"Jared, I saw Jensen."

At Joel's quiet words Jared almost lost his balance. "Wh—at? When?"

"When you and my brother went to see that chiropractor. I made an appointment with a doctor at Countryview. I got there a little early." He looked down sheepishly. "Let's just say I know my way around those places. I was able to get into the common room. He was there, drawing."

Misha walked over and held Jared's elbow. "You should sit down."

Jared let himself be led to the stool behind the high counter. Joel and Seth followed. "Is … he okay? What have they given him?"

"I don't know. He sounded lucid. Was awake. He had his hood up and was sketching. I asked how he was and he said 'the same'."

Jared tried to process this. _Same as what?_ He hesitated but then asked what he had to know. "Did he say anything about me?"

"No, but … when I said you were worried about him … he … well, I guess he's angry still. He … growled. I left after that. Couldn't risk it."

Jared nodded. No real surprise. Jared had led him there and then they didn't let him leave. It was all Jared's fault. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. Jared's head hung. "If Jeff can find the old woman. Maybe I can get to her – ask her to reverse the curse. But if she still blames Jensen for what happened with her granddaughter, what if she won't—"

Joel chirped in. "Jared. You don't understand … you have everything you need right now. _You_ can break the curse."

Jared stared at Joel. "I'm the last person—"

Joel interrupted, pulling the book from Jared's hands. He flipped pages quickly. "Here, see. The prince is cursed and will remain a Beast for all time … unless he falls in love and is loved in return. I can get you in. Just tell him you love him." Joel stared at him. "You do, don't you?"

Jared ignored the question and glanced at the fanciful pictures in Jensen's mother's book. "We both have to say it."

Joel and Seth both looked at him as if he was missing something apparent. But they were the ones not seeing the obvious. "Fine. I love him. And let's say you do get me in somehow and I see him and tell him. So? It's not enough. He's got to say it back. And, really, do you think that's going to happen given what I did to him?"

– – –

In the end, it was Alison that helped clinch it. She'd hacked into the Countryview computers and looked at Jensen's medical files. "Jay … he's on a mild anti-anxiety and an antidepressant. No antipsychotics at all. And they scheduled a bunch of imaging for him. They show some tissue scarring on his frontal lobe."

"I fucking knew it."

Alison continued. "They have a speech therapist working with him. The notes seem to indicate they aren't exactly clear on what to do about the Beast delusion. So far they've settled on talk therapy."

He looked at his friend. Alison believed in science and fact. She was the greatest skeptic in their group. "Ally, what do you think?"

"About you strolling into Countryview and breaking the curse? Well, if you'd asked me a couple of months ago I'd say you were going to marry Sandy and have a bunch of floppy-haired, tall children and maybe even give up all this … " her hands moved dramatically to take in their not-so-exclusive environment. " … to move into a house in the suburbs and get the 'normal' job she always wanted for you."

"And now?" he coaxed.

"Now this strange man entered our lives and we've all changed. I know it shouldn't work this way. That there is no such thing as a curse. But Jensen. He's … "

She never completed her thought but Jared knew exactly what she meant. Jensen defied all explanation.

**Chapter 15**

Jared worked exclusively with Joel, Seth and Alison. Nobody wanted to compromise Jeff with their schemes and Jared didn't even want to go as far as trust Misha. Not that he thought the other man would do anything to stop him. But he might try to talk Jared out of this. And Jared couldn't have that.

Luckily, Joel loved gadgets and Seth's successful art career allowed them the budget to indulge in a few extra devices. Jared tweaked the small Bluetooth in his ear that allowed him to communicate with Alison. She swore she could take care of simple security doors for them. The key, she said, is the hospital was all voluntary and very few doors were even locked. Those that did ran on simple passcodes. She called it an easy job. Whatever. As long as it got Jared to Jensen.

Joel had an appointment with Doctor Drummond, Jensen's physician. That would keep her occupied and also ensured that Jensen didn't have a session with her. The plan was for Jared to follow Joel inside. Alison would get the receptionist to leave her post by calling her with a report of her car lights being left on and simultaneously hack open the locked main interior door for Jared.

Cap over his head, Jared waited until the slight blonde exited before stealthily slipping inside. "I'm in," he whispered to Alison, feeling like a secret agent. He wasn't sure if the knot in his stomach was from the risk of being caught – or fear of Jensen's reaction at seeing him again given what had happened.

"Give me three minutes," she uttered back.

Hand over the door handle Jared waited until he heard a click and the light on the swipe panel turned green. The door opened beneath his grip. Heart accelerating he thanked Alison quickly and disconnected their call.

Joel was waiting for him behind a pillar as planned. The corridor was wide and clean. Walls painted a pale, soft robin's egg blue. It looked inviting and not at all institutional. Well, Jeff did say this was a top-rated facility. Alison had already given them Jensen's room number. But given the time of day Joel thought they should first check the common room.

Jared walked alongside him, head held high. He'd taken off the cap and tried to look as if he belonged. He wasn't the only civilian. They picked this time on purpose because other family members and friends would also be visiting. Except, Jensen wasn't allowed regular visitors during his ongoing evaluation period. So this was the only way. He tried to ignore how furious Jeff would be when this came out. The police officer was still plenty mad at Joel for sneaking in a visit to Jensen under the false pretense of the doctor's visit a week ago.

They turned a corner and Joel pointed them toward a stairwell. "C'mon, better off on the stairs."

The second floor exit faced another wide corridor. Joel pointed them toward the left. He paused before a double door and opened it quickly. Inside was a large space with a very high ceiling peppered with skylights. The edges of the room were filled with sofas and arm chairs. The center contained desks where a variety of projects were being worked on. Jared saw puzzles and paintings and drawings and macramé. It resembled the art room of the summer camp he worked in for two summers. Everyone was dressed in street clothes with the exception of two very dazed looking men that wore robes over pajama bottoms. You couldn't really tell the patients from visitors.

Jared scanned the room rapidly. "He's not here."

Joel nodded. "Nope." He tugged Jared's arm. "His room is 203. I don't know where else to look. We checked the grounds already and he wasn't outside. Besides it's kinda nippy today. I need to get to Doctor Drummond."

Jared followed Joel out of the common space. Joel pointed down the corridor. "It's down that way. Door shouldn't be locked. Good luck. I'll meet you back by the stairwell in fifty minutes."

The room numbering was traditional, odds on one side and even on the other. Jared followed the lowering numbers until he stood in front of 203. There was a small window. Jared peered in and sucked in a gasp as he saw a huddled gray shape on a bed. Jensen's knees were bent and a sketch pad was pressed against his thighs, arm moving furiously along the paper. Jared took an extra second to look around the small room. There was only the one bed. A desk sat opposite with a single chair. The back wall held a large double window. Just like Jeff said, the window was bare, no gates. There was a shade that was pulled up letting the sunlight stream in. The walls were covered in drawings hung with masking tape. Dozens colored the room in soft pastels. They shimmered in the sunlight like flower petals. He even noted the floor was littered with discarded drawings.

Now or never. He pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Jensen."

A low growl and quick scuffling of paper met his soft greeting. Jensen was immediately in defensive mode, standing in a semi-crouch beside the single bed, hands hovering near his sides. He wore a new-looking black hoodie and matching black track pants. His feet were bare and at first glance he looked clean and in good shape. A thousand words died in Jared's throat. He'd rehearsed what he wanted to say many times. How he wanted to explain exactly what was happening on Jensen's behalf so Jensen could be less afraid.

Instead, his throat felt as if someone had it in a death grip. He dropped to the tile floor on his knees and looked up at Jensen, words falling out in a broken whisper. "I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry … I never meant … when they told me, it just killed me. God, Jen, please … just look at me … tell me you know I didn't plan this. I didn't know they wouldn't let you leave. I know it's not an excuse. But. I didn't know. I am so sorry."

Jensen crouched in front of him. The sun behind him kept his face in shadow. His voice was soft and deep. "Not blame Jared."

Jared wanted to move forward at this and touch Jensen but he held back. Jensen was still so reserved. So cautious. They both stood slowly. He tried to remember all he'd wanted to say. "I spoke to someone from your past. An old … boyfriend. His name is Tom Welling. Do you remember him?"

Jensen tilted his head no. Jared continued, "He told me about the witch."

Jared could sense Jensen's slight twitch at this. "Doctor say there is no witch."

Jared smiled. "Yeah, well, the doctor is wrong. And I found her."

Jensen growled again low. "Who is she?"

"Her name is Natalya Petunegro. She worked for you. Helped take care of the grounds of your home in L.A." Jared paused. This part would be trickier. Jensen was peering at him from under the hood. He felt eyes burning him. "You had some sort of relationship with her granddaughter, Katherine – Kat. Tom said that you, well, fooled around a lot back then with different folks. Kat was unstable. She … Jensen, it's not your fault – you were a teenager and barely over the death of your parents and on your own—"

"What happened, Jared?"

"She tried to kill herself. Her grandmother found her in time. Tom wasn't sure of all the details but Katie dug further and it looks like she'd taken pills. And the grandmother thought … "

Another low snarl broke the silence. "What did she tell you?"

"She thought Kat might have gotten the pills from you. Or maybe the girl stole them. The grandmother, the witch, she accused you of giving them to her granddaughter. Anyway, the girl didn't die, and that's the important part. The grandmother blamed you though. She … Tom called her a witch. He didn't seem at all surprised when I told him about the curse, heard some of it himself when she was yelling at you. But he said he didn't stay to hear the whole thing. That was the night of the motorcycle accident. The night you disappeared."

Jensen turned away giving Jared only his back. "Thank you for telling me this. Now go."

"No. Don't you see? I can find her. I can have her take back the curse. Or undo it or whatever."

"No! She will not and why should she? Jared you tried. You are good."

"You are good, too, dammit! That was so long ago. Why should you … Jen, please. I'll find her, I will … "

The door burst open and a doctor appeared with Jeff by her side. "Mr. Padalecki, I'm Doctor Drummond, I'm afraid you can't be here."

Jared turned abruptly. The doctor was a slight woman with reddish gold hair and warm blue eyes. Jeff stood beside her, eyes impenetrable.

"Jeff?"

"They called me because of my connection to Joel. It doesn't have to go further than me. Jared, c'mon, let's get out of here now."

"No. I … I need Jensen to understand I can break the curse."

"Mr. Padalecki. Jared. You aren't helping. Please leave now or we will have to c—"

Jared ignored her. "Jeff. Mrs. Petunegro, the witch, did you find her? I need to go to her. I promised Jensen."

"Jared … I … I'm sorry. She passed away two years ago."

A nearly inhuman howl filled the small space. Jensen spun back and his eyes glowed gold beyond the hood. "Curse forever," he uttered in a voice like ground glass. Both Jared and the doctor stood rooted, while Jeff took a step pointedly backward.

 

Jared cringed, heart skipping wildly. "No … it can't … "

"It is over. Jared … GO NOW!" The yell shook the air like a thunder clap and Jared lurched backward as if hit by an invisible force. His back struck something solid and Joel suddenly filled the doorway.

Joel pushed past Jared, ignoring both his brother and the doctor, and thrust something large and red into Jensen's hands. It flipped open in his grip and the sun glinted off the gold edging shooting sparkles up into the air.

"What would your mother tell you, Jensen, about believing?"

Jensen stood still, looking at the embossed cover.

"Open it, Jensen. See the truth."

At the command in Joel's voice, Jensen opened the volume and began to look at the pages.

Jared watched helplessly as Jensen fingered the oversized fairytale pictures. Illustrations so close to his own, scattered like leaves over his walls, all over the floor. Joel turned to Jared. "It's not about the witch. You don't need her. You never did. Jared … you can break the curse."

"Joel … " Jeff tried to intervene but the doctor's softer yet authoritative voice broke through.

"No. Let him talk … "

Joel's eyes shimmered in the sunlight and trapped Jared as if in a vise. "Speak or lose him."

"I can't lose him." Jared stared at Joel as if he'd just been given the answer to a question Jared didn't realize he'd asked.

He approached Jensen, still looking through the pages of his mother's book, transfixed. Jared placed a hand on each of Jensen's upper arms, leaning in slightly until the book jutted his chest. His forehead pressed into the top of the hood. "Jen … Your mom believed … not just in magic. But in you." He pointed to the charmed beings gracing the pages of her book. The pixies and fairies and tiny princes – and every one of them resembled a boy with tremendous green eyes and dirty blonde hair. Jared pushed Jensen's hood down and met those same incredible eyes. "I believe in you, Jensen." He took a slow breath and opened his heart. "I love you."

Jensen's eyes puddled and like a slowly shifting sea, a wave trickled down his face to splatter the last page he'd touched. The creature on the paper softened to a soft smear beneath the spreading moisture. Jared thumbed away the tear on Jensen's cheek and pressed his lips where the tracks lay. He felt the book drop to the floor between them and Jensen's arms wrap themselves tight around his waist. "I love you, too."

Jared squeezed back as hard as he could. A small chuckle escaped and he whispered into Jensen's mouth. "I think we're supposed to kiss now."

And then Jensen's lips met his and the world fell away and they were the only two left. Eventually, the need for breath drew them apart. "Jar—ed. Feel funny."

Jared moved back enough to give Jensen a little more air. His breath caught as the most beautiful man on the planet gave him a luminous smile. He didn't even need to ask. "Good funny?"

"Feel … like me." Jared's answering smile could have fueled a starship.

Jeff let out an odd gasp and Jared spun to face him. His brows rose in question. "Nothin' … I mean … just … Did you see ... ?" His eyes turned toward the doctor.

"It was the sun."

Jeff's eyes got even wider. "You saw it, too? He … glowed."

"Sun from the window," she repeated matter-of-factly.

Joel met Jared's eyes with a huge grin.

– – –

"So that's him?" These photos were crystal clear. Samantha could not stop staring at huge green eyes.

"The doctors say he's delusional. But not dangerous. They can't keep him."

"But they will agree he needs an executor for financial matters?"

The attorney smiled crookedly. "Undoubtedly. You can keep him with an allowance somewhere and nothing really needs to change."

The filtering sun from the expansive wall of windows glinted on the photographs, making Jensen's eyes glow gold. She remembered them that way from the stables so many years ago. Looking up at her with guileless affection.

"The petition is right here. Just sign where I've indicated."

She glanced at the papers being thrust across her empty desk toward her. Behind her, on the credenza, was a sole, framed photograph of her parents. No other personal items graced her office. She'd been proud of this. Saw it as the reason for her rise. Her dedication and single-mindedness. It made her stand out.

"Leave these," she told the nameless lawyer.

"But … "

"Did the PI finish putting together the dossier on the events of the past ten years of Ackles' life?"

Another file was slipped across to her. This one was much thicker. She began to skim. The young attorney sat silently in front of her, clearly unsure if he was supposed to go or stay. One quick wave of her manicured hand and he scurried away.

It took two hours to finish reading. And when she was done she returned to the segments about Jensen's stay in Detroit County and fought back nausea. The facility was already shut down so she did the only thing she could and jotted down the key names of those involved in Jensen's abuse on the monogrammed notepad to her right. This could not stand.

She walked to the window and peered down at the busy Dallas street. The heat simmered the air in rolling waves. What was this? she questioned herself. Why the sudden sentiment? With a quick swipe at the front of her skirt she spun back to the desk. A photo stared up at her. A news clipping – Jensen at the funeral. Aviator frames covering those eyes. Back, ruler straight. She shut her eyes and didn't see that teenager. Instead she saw a mop-topped blonde almost mowing her down before asking if she'd be back.

And she'd said yes.

– – –

One week after lifting the curse, Jared was back at Countryview. Jared visited at the same time, every day. Jensen met him in the common room. He'd been drawing, and smiled hugely when Jared entered. Jared peered down at the latest illustrations. Same theme. Mystical creatures and enchanted locales. He looked a little closer at the large dragon with a man on his back. The dragon had slanted blue-green eyes and a tilt where his nose would be and … "Jensen … is that … ?"

Jensen smiled crookedly at him. The prince on the dragon's back had short light brown hair that spiked up and large, green eyes.

"You know," Jared began in a hushed tone. "It doesn't take Freud to figure this one out." He waited until Jensen met his eyes. "You wanna ride me."

Jensen blushed which made Jared want to kiss him. So he did. Except they were in the middle of lots of people so it couldn't last beyond a whisper.

"When?" he breathed into Jensen's mouth, foreheads touching.

"Doctor said I can leave when I want."

Jared pulled back at this surprised. "So why are you—"

"Jared. Want to stay. Finish with Doctor Drummond. Not much longer. But a little more." Jared nodded because if it was Jensen's choice then, of course, it was okay. "Jared … " Jensen stood and held out his hand. "Want to show you something."

Jared followed Jensen into his room. He looked around because something was different but he couldn't tell at first what it … And then he caught sight of the small mirror above the dresser. The last time he'd seen it there were drawings taped up over it, covering it up. It stood bare now, reflecting the afternoon sun.

"Jensen," Jared said on a long breath. Jensen smiled nervously and took Jared's hand again. They walked slowly to the mirror. Jensen kept his head down and only began raising it slowly to meet Jared's shocked smile in the mirror. They locked eyes a moment and then Jensen tilted his head against Jared's shoulder.

Jared put his arm around him and pulled him closer. "God, you look so good." He tilted Jensen's head back up with his fingertip. Jensen's eyes met his again in the mirror although he still leaned against Jared.

"Look at us," Jared commanded. "Mirror … mirror … that is one gorgeous sight." And with that Jared let out a laugh from deep in his gut.

Jensen lifted his finger to the mirror and outlined Jared's smiling lips. He spun back toward him and swallowed him a deep kiss. Oh yeah. Kissing Jensen was the happy in every fairy tale ever written.

Pulling off his mouth to suck at Jensen's neck, Jared heard Jensen's warm breath moving against his ear. "I love you."

"I love you. So much." He crushed Jensen's lips back against his until they melded into each other on a single sigh. Tongues dancing and chasing each other's they barely heard the soft rap at the door until it had gotten louder. From where they stood it would be hard to see them from the door's small opening.

Jared looked at Jensen and then went to open the door. "Hello," a strong feminine voice said. Jared stepped back surprised as the curvy, elegantly dressed woman swiftly entered the room. Jensen raced to Jared's side, shuddering slightly. Strangers still unnerved him. Jared made sure their shoulders touched.

"Can we help you?" He honestly figured the woman was lost.

"Jensen?"

Jensen stiffened against him.

She stood ramrod straight. She was in her early- to mid-forties, with shoulder length, glossy dark brown hair. Equally dark, chocolate eyes peered at them with a puzzled expression, landing softly on Jared. "You're Jared Padalecki."

It wasn't a question but Jared nodded yes anyway. "Who are you?"

"Samantha Ferris. Jensen … " She approached slowly and wrapped her hand firmly around Jensen's arm. "I'm sorry it's taken this long."

Jared stared long and hard at the hand touching Jensen. His eyes met his lover's to be sure this was okay. Jensen nodded at him and stepped away slightly moving toward Samantha. "You are family."

She nodded, eyes softening. "I'm all that's left, I'm sorry to say. At least on your father's side. I don't know your mother's family. If there's anyone out there … I … I'll help you find them, okay?"

Jensen stepped to the desk where the book sat. He treated it reverently and held it out to Samantha slowly. Jared knew what this meant and hoped that Samantha would get it. He swallowed down the emotion as Jensen placed the book in his cousin's hand. "This is my mother. I mean … she drew … " He turned to Jared looking for language help.

"Donna Ackles wrote and illustrated children's books under a pseudonym. This special edition was a compilation published after her death. From what I've learned, the book was very special to Jensen after she passed."

Samantha took the book and looked it over. "I … I didn't know Donna wrote … " Her eyes skimmed the illustrations. "Oh. This is beautiful." Her eyes shifted to the drawings covering the walls. Bright eyes turned to Jensen. "Are those yours?"

Jensen nodded shyly. Jared piped in, "Jensen is an artist. Like his mother." He didn't have to look to feel Jen's smile.

No matter how sweet Samantha Ferris was acting Jared could not forget that it was her scheming that got Jensen locked up here in the first place. He steeled his resolve. "Ms. Ferris. It's nice of you to visit but what's this about, really? We are aware of the legal actions you have in place to try to keep Jensen from what's rightfully his and I can assure you Jensen also has legal representation and friends and is not alone any longer."

"Jared … "

"No, Jen. Dammit. She strolls in here like everything's hunky dory when it was her actions … " Jared stopped himself. He didn't want to spoil things with Jensen's only family. And this facility had been helpful to Jensen in the end.

"Mr. Padalecki, I understand your interest in this matter. Trust me your assistance in returning Jensen to his family will not be forgotten."

Jared's face heated like a flame. "What? I don't give a crap about your money. _His_ money." He spun back to Jensen. "You know this, right?"

Jensen touched his face, grounding him. "Jared. I know." He pulled away and faced Samantha. "My lawyer explained. You say I am not able to manage assets. But you do not understand. Not want to take from you. You run my family company for years. I cannot do job. Do not want job. Want only draw and help my friends."

"Your friends?" Samantha questioned. "Like Jared?"

"No. Jared is not friend."

He turned and met Jared's eyes and didn't have to say another word because Jared understood. Jensen wasn't a friend. Jensen was … everything. If Samantha noticed the emotions bouncing between them she didn't say. "What about you … " Her eyes met Jared's. "What _do_ you want?"

Man, she was a piece of work. Jared glared at her. "I want Jensen happy."

She looked surprised but hid it quick. "Then we want the same thing. Jensen, the doctors tell me you can leave whenever you wish. I wanted to offer to take you home."

"Home?"

"Back to Texas. With me."

– – –

They'd spoken on the phone and even chatted via Webcam a couple of times but Jared felt the distance mounting with each passing week. Jensen had made the decision to return to Texas with Samantha in conjunction with Doctor Drummond. The doctor thought it was possible that more of Jensen's memory might return upon seeing familiar things.

Jensen told Jared that he and Samantha had been spending a lot of time together. She'd talked to the current owners of the former Ackles' ranch who were very understanding and allowed Jensen to walk around the house as well as the grounds as much as he wished. He'd described visiting the horses and that Samantha seemed especially pleased when Jensen said he thought he remembered her being there with him once.

The offices where Jensen's father worked were virtually the same. Jensen had spent much time running up and down the corridors when he was a child. Less so in his adolescent days but even then he'd visited his father at work plenty of times. Many of Alan's personal effects had been put into storage. At Samantha's instructions these were unearthed and shown to Jensen in the hopes of jumpstarting his memory.

His childhood was returning in small bits. The doctors said it was likely most of his memory would never return due to the damage sustained when he'd spun off his motorcycle. But the fact that he could close his eyes and picture his mother's smile was something miraculous to Jensen. Jared hadn't been able to stay on the phone long after this. It hurt too much not to be able to touch.

Eventually, Jared got used to not having Jensen around and life at the shelter began to return to its familiar routine. He was busy processing three new arrivals. All medium-sized dogs of mixed breed. Healthy and lively and adult and hard-to-place. But Jared was hopeful. He always was. He looked up at Alona. "What haven't we done in a while?"

She put away the flea powder and took a quick inventory of missing supplies. "Um … I dunno. Baseball players?"

"Okay … " He eyed the squat, dark-eyed dog with the flippy wagging tale. "You look like a Ruth." The other two barked. He laughed. "DiMaggio and … Berra."

Alona laughed. "Yankees? Traitor!" Alona was also from Texas. "We're low on these things." She handed the list she'd been writing to Jared as he stepped back from the dogs. He looked it over running a hand through his hair. Great. Donations were stagnant and they'd just had to pay a bunch of annual licensing fees and the rent was likely to go up any minute now and where in hell was the money going to come from?

He told Alona no problem and introduced the dogs to their new, temporary home.

Back in the office he pulled up the donor list to see who he might be able to hit. Misha popped in with the mail. "Heard from Jensen?"

Jared absently opened the envelopes separating bills from other items. "Been a few days. His speech is so much better. The new speech therapist must be really good. You'd be amazed."

"Yeah. What about what we spoke about … you going to see him?"

Jared looked across the desk at Misha. "Even if I could afford it. Which … no way. He needs to find himself. I'm … I was there when he needed someone … but now that he's Jensen Ackles, I don't know … "

"Jared … I know how much you … "

"Let's not, Misha, okay?" He dropped his eyes back to the mail and continued slowly opening and sorting them. A slim envelope caught his attention because he didn't recognize the return address. His eyes quickly skimmed the first page of the two-page letter.

"Oh fuck."

"What?" Misha said, leaning over the desk to see what was upsetting Jared.

"Our landlord … he sold the building."

"Oh fuck."

Jared eyed Misha. "Yeah."

"What's it going to mean?"

"Well … we have six months left on the lease. The new owners may just let us renew. We've been good tenants. Mostly pay on time."

"Mostly," Misha parroted. "So who owns it now?"

"It doesn't … oh, wait … " He kept reading and turned to the second page. "What the—"

"Jared?" Misha asked alarmed at Jared's gaping mouth. Jared silently handed the page to Misha.

"But … that's … how did you? It says your name."

Jared pulled out his phone and pressed two. "Jen?"

"Jared. Perfect timing. Open your back door."

"What?"

There was a knock.

Jared yanked the door open and his mouth fell further. Jensen laughed. "I knew it would be worth it."

Finally regaining the power of movement, Jared threw his arms around Jensen and held on tight. "How? Jen … what did you do?"

"Uh-uh. Not good enough." And he pulled Jared down to meet his already parting lips. Jared felt his senses drowning in the heat and soft pressure as the moist sweetness of Jensen's taste consumed him. God, it had been so long. Too damn long. The kiss deepened hot and dirty and they poured weeks' worth of longing into the shared air between them. Jared felt the want burn deep in his belly as their bodies began instinctively pressing tighter together. It was all he had to remember that Misha was still behind them and not shove Jensen hard against his desk and take him right there.

"I should, um, go … " Misha said as they pulled a millimeter apart both panting hard.

"No," Jensen said before moving to hug Misha. "I … I've missed you."

Misha hugged back, meeting Jared's wet eyes over Jensen's shoulder. "Me, too. You look great," he said, pulling back and looking Jensen over. That was no lie. Jensen looked delectable. He wore nothing more fancy than a black tee-shirt over blue jeans. But these weren't discount bin jeans and Jared thought he finally understood what mouthwatering meant.

Jared touched Jensen's arm to regain his attention, forcing his own mind off the way Jensen's ass looked in the designer jeans. "Jen. The building?"

"Is yours."

"You can't … "

Jensen nodded. "I can. And I did. But that's not why I'm here." He turned to Misha. "Misha. I … do you think I could talk privately to Jared now?"

Misha smiled and left them alone. Jared kept a safe distance, afraid if he got too close he wouldn't be able to contain himself. Jensen was here. It was just too amazing.

"How is Texas?"

"Hot." Jensen smiled. "It has been great. Samantha … she surprised me. She really seems to care. She took me to my parents' ranch. I spent a lot of time visiting places we'd go. I met old friends. I didn't really remember anyone. I did remember Samantha vaguely from when I was very little."

"You told me that."

"Yes. It was important to go. To try to remember. For them. My parents. And for Sam. But … Jared … "

Jensen looked down. It was such an achingly familiar gesture that Jared fought an instant clogging of his throat. "What is it?"

Jensen moved closer and looked up slightly catching Jared's eyes. "I want … I want to go home."

Jared's heart leapt but a part of him held back, wasn't totally positive what Jensen was talking about. "You mean … Los Angeles?"

Jensen pushed the hair back from Jared's forehead. "No. I mean, you."

Jared fought for his voice. "Jen, you sure? I mean … all I have is this place. You … you can have anything. Do anything. You don't owe me."

Jensen chuckled. "I owe you everything. But that's not why I'm here." His lips met Jared's lightly. "I love you." He pulled back. "Still love me?"

Jared looked adoringly at the man who everyone saw differently. A beast, a homeless man, a spoiled brat, an artist, a mentally ill patient, a prince. He saw the face of the person he loved more than anything. "Fuck, yeah."

Jensen laughed outright and swooped him in for another long kiss. They came up for air and Jared giggled. "Say it."

"What? I love you, I already did … "

"No. Not that. The other … your mom would want you to."

Jensen looked at him, mouth twisting. "No. C'mon … it's silly."

Jared made his eyes go puppy. "For me?"

"No fair, man."

"How come?"

Jensen's eyes darkened slightly. "Because I'd do anything for you."

The air crackled as Jared waited. Jensen rolled his eyes and said on a soft huff, "And they lived happily ever after." He brought his lips back to Jared's. "Sap."

  
**fin**

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: borgmama1of5  
> Art: apieceofcake on LiveJournal  
> Author's Note: My favorite Disney fairy tale is _Beauty and the Beast_ and this story is influenced by that tale. But I didn’t want to write an adaptation of that film. Instead, I wanted to visit the themes of beauty and ugliness and goodness and selfishness and love and believing. Because everyone is a little bit villain and a little bit hero, and the difference is often just a matter of perception.


End file.
